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    Leo found himself in a familiar void. He felt as if he was here before. The darkness still engulfed this area, but this time, Leo tried to hold his eyes open. After a few seconds, small bubbles of light started to appear around him, enlightening the void.  

    Is the voice now going to appear again? What is this place? Why did I appear here again?

    “This place is you could say, only within your subconscious” the voice answered.

    “Wha-“

    “And as for why you appeared here, I called you here to speak with you.”

    “Wait, you can read my thoughts?”

    “I’m sorry, but this place makes me hear them no matter if you want to or not. Now, let reveal me my form to you.”

    A blue, vertical cut appeared out of nowhere in front of Leo. It slowly expanded horizontally, and an intimidating blue figure slowly emerged from it. When it fully emerged, Leo was frozen at the figure towering above him. A navy blue quadrupedal dragon with metal pieces on its chest, claws, head, back and neck. It had no wings, but a very long and tall head. On the chest, it had in the middle a blue crystal surrounded by what looked like a metal shield. 

    “What… are you?”

    “I’m Dialga, the protector of time. I was the one who called you into this world.”

    “Great, so bring me back! I don’t want to be in this world!”

    “I’m afraid that’s not an option. We are quickly getting outnumbered and it doesn’t help that we, the creation trio, lost our powers to maintain the stability of this world and Arceus is nowhere to be found. We-”

    “Wait, wait. What’s a “creation trio”? Did you create this world or something?”

    “No, but we are supposed to maintain its stability. The creation trio consists of me, Dialga, the protector of time, Palkia the protector of space and Giratina the protector of the world’s abyss. We recently encountered problems with using our abilities. For example, me controlling time, so we decided unanimously to call a human to this world as we think it might be in danger.”

    “But why me? I’m just a normal person, I don’t possess any “hero qualities.” There are for sure some people who fit better into that description. I’m only able to preserve myself, ignoring other’s help and showing no empathy.”

    “You may not remember this, but back in the human world, we saw you weren’t always like this, you just had a smaller circle of friends, but they really liked you back.”

    “…What?! How do you know of my past?! Why did I need to forget everything, just let me remember… Please!”

    “…It cannot happen, it would hinder your importance of you being here. Your past, is not important. We can tell you, you are of utmost importance to us. There is no one else that can help us now except you.”

     Leo growled, releasing he is not getting out of here anytime soon. “If I’m so “important” to you then what do you even want me to do?”

    “That also cannot be mentioned as the enemy may still be listening to us as we speak. For now, I need you to find out if the natural artefacts are involved with our loss of abilities.”

    “Natural artefacts, what are they?”

    “You may have to look for yourself, as we don’t want to help the enemy accidentally. If you get more Pokémons to trust you, someone will eventually turn up to you with that information. You need to speed up as much as you can to outweigh our enemies.”

    “Wait, who are those “enemies”?”

    “We don’t know much about them except that vision I showed you. We checked that cave and Mesprit was nowhere to be found, and the bug artefact that was supposed to be there was stolen.”

    “Do we at least know when that happened?”

    “Well-“

    The void began to faintly lighten up.

    “What’s happening?” Leo asked, glancing around.

    “Oh, you are about to wake up. Go and seize the day, we shall meet again when you sleep.”

    “Wait, I still want to know-“

    And then in an instant, it got so bright that it was impossible for Leo to see. Then he suddenly woke up from his haystack and quickly stood up. 

    I’m… still a Pokémon…, but what was that “dream”? What are those natural artefacts? Will I ever-

    “Hey, you woke up” Xavier turned to Leo “How are you doing today?”

    “I’m feeling okay, I just had a weird dream.”

    “Do you want to tell me about it? Dreams may help you restore memories.”

    “Nah, it wasn’t anything important, just weird.”

    I really don’t want to talk about this with Xavier yet. It was already hard for him to believe that I was a human. But even then that menacing creature… Uhh, I will think more about it later.

    “Were you doing something before I woke up?” Leo asked.

    “I was mostly thinking of what you told me yesterday. I have to say, those words really helped me. So, I was thinking of a way to find Ryder. We can-“ Xavier suddenly stopped.

    “What can we do?”

    “…Nevermind, it’s not a good idea. So, as I said yesterday, we need to go to town if we want to eat something for today, so let’s just do that.”

    “Okay. So, one thing, are you not concerned that someone might come to this place and steal everything from your chest?”

    “Not really, you saw how far out of the way it is. Now, shall we go outside?”

    “Sure.”

    Xavier and Leo slowly walked outside of the hole. Over the hills, they could see the sun rising from the horizon giving an awe-inspiring look. The rays slowly shined brighter, lighting over the darkness. They got distracted by this horizon, but after a few seconds, they went on the path back to the crossroads.

    “So, which path this time?” Leo wondered.

    “This way.” Xavier showed with his

    “Wait, isn’t it this same way Braxton went yesterday?”

    “Well, this is the only reliable path I know to the town. Don’t worry, we shouldn’t encounter any wild Pokemon here as well as Braxton”

    “Can’t we go to a different town? There are more, right?” 

    “There is only one town on this island and we don’t have time to travel elsewhere. Besides, the only mons that can bring us to the other islands are in the town, so there’s no avoiding it.”

    “Well, that is unfortunate,” Leo sighed, “let’s just go.”

    Both of them continued on their path for a second until Leo noticed something.

    “Why do you keep calling it just ‘town’, doesn’t it have a name?”

    “Yes, it’s named Leafstone Town after the artefact bore within the temple. If you pass the temple’s trials, you can use the artefact. It’s said that any grass-type Pokémon that will touch it, will have all of their grass-type moves empowered. I call it “town” as it’s the only one on this island so not much to differentiate between.”

    “So, I guess a lot of grass types stay in this town.”

    “Not really, they only come here as tourists and then immediately get out as this island is most likely the most isolated compared to the other ones.”

    “Oh, that’s why you live here?”

    “Yeah, I needed to distance myself after what happened to Ryder. I wasn’t really myself back then…”

    Leo and Xavier finally started to see the town in the distance. The buildings were only made out of wood, and most of them didn’t have a second floor. Despite the infrastructure, nature was blooming everywhere with many flowers and well-kept fields in between buildings. There weren’t many Pokémon, but they still walked around, some of them displaying their different badges or wearing hats, ribbons and other accessories. 

    “Okay, you don’t want to get lost. Walk close to me, there should be a restaurant nearby.”

    Leo spotted many shops that caught his attention. There was an outdoor market run by two chameleons of different colourings and a building with a sign “clothes” mostly covered in white and brown. On the left of the path through town, he saw a really big building with a very mystical appearance.

    “That’s the temple. A very sacred place to this town, but to be honest, I never saw someone actually go in there. Now a little more forward on the right, there should be-, yes, here is the restaurant. Oh, there are some Pokémons I’m surprised, it’s pretty early still.”

    The building was very flat but fully made out of wood. Its foundation was clearly displayed in the corners of the building made of solid black logs and the rest of the building was in white cream planks. Leo could easily see what was going on inside as the glass clearly showed the Pokémon within. On the door, there was a sign, no fire types allowed.

    “Xavier, are you sure you can go in?”

    “Don’t worry, my old friend runs this place he will let us in.”

    “Okay, whatever you say.”

    Both of them went in, they were immediately greeted by a green bipedal dragon with eyes covered by red covers. It had rhombus-shaped wings with red trim, skinny arms with three-clawed hands and a tail with several dark green stripes and ended with three small three green rhombuses with red trim. To Leo, the Pokémon didn’t look intimidating, but still pretty strong.

    “Hi, Ruby. Can I get a table?”

    “Oh, hi Xavier, you haven’t been here for a long time. Suit yourself. Oh, you have someone coming with you?”

    “Yeah, this is Leo the Shinx. He lost his memories and for now, he is with me.”

    “I don’t know why, but he really reminds me of your old exploration team. You never told me what happened to it.”

    “I… Please…, don’t bring this up. Let’s just say I left them in the aftermath of a tragic event.”

    “That everyone rejected Ryder being recognized as a normal Pokémon?”

    “…come on Leo,” Xavier went behind Leo and pushed him away “let’s take a seat.”

    Leo and Xavier slowly maneuvered around the restaurant as many Pokémon were blocking the path. Eventually, they found an unoccupied table. It was two green banquettes facing each other with a table in the middle forming a booth.

    “So, right. How am I supposed to sit on this since I’m quadrupedal?”

    “Well, just try it. I have seen many Eevees sit on this and never had a problem.” 

    “Is Eevee a quadrupedal Pokémon?”

    “Yes.”

    Leo sighed, “Then show me.”

    “You just sit normally like me.” Xavier sat down at the table to show Leo how to do so, “There is no other trick to it.”

    “Okay, here goes nothing…”

    Leo tried to mimic Xavier’s sitting style. To his surprise, it was pretty easy and was feeling now like a bipedal Pokémon without being one. He didn’t slide from his seat nor did he feel uncomfortable in this position.

    “You look a little weird like this, but I have heard that even for normal walking some quadrupedal learn how to walk on only two legs.”

    “Well, at least it’s comfortable. By the way, were you in some kind of “exploration team” with Ryder? What’s even that?”

    “Well, it’s what I mentioned to you yesterday. They help other Pokémon in many different situations or explo-“

    “Sorry to interrupt, but can I take your order?” a female voice asked.

    Leo turned toward the voice and she looked to him like a bipedal humanoid Pokémon wearing a white tutu. She had green hair that covered most of her face and reached her shoulders. It also had skinny green legs, with long pointed feet.  

    “Umm, what can we order? We didn’t receive a menu,” Leo asked.

    “That won’t be necessary. Leo, can I order something for you?” Xavier asked.

    “Sure, it’s not like I know what’s actually good in this restaurant.”

    “We want two carrot soups, also why are there so many Pokémons today this early in the morning?”

    “You don’t know?” Kirlia sounded surprised. “There is a big tournament happening for the title of next master of the town’s temple.”

    “The last master passed away?”

    “No, but he decided to abdicate as he felt that his old age was not deeming him capable of giving proper trials at the temple.”

    “That’s understandable.”

    “Well, it’s only for grass-types, but still lots of Pokémon came to watch it. Well, I will get you your order” the waiter turned and started going away ”I hope you are doing well with your new friend, Xavier.”

    “How do you know my name?! Also I still-“

    And then Xavier realized that she could no longer hear him, as they were far in the distance. Leo and Xavier turned silent for a second.

    After a bit of silence, Leo spoke up, “so, is it hard for you to accept new friends?”

    “…yes, especially after Ryder I became really isolated, but I’m not ready to tell you the details.”

    “Okay, uh,” Leo’s eyes darted around, thinking for another topic to talk about, “let’s change the subject.”

    Both of them stared at each other with little hope from both of them finding a topic. Eventually…

    “Can we go see the tournament ourselves, Xavier?” Leo asked, “I maybe will be able to learn more about how to fight in this world.”

    “Okay, we can. We should ask more about this to Kirlia when she comes back.”

    “Is that what that waitress is called?”

    “At least that’s what her Pokémon species is called.”

    “Okay…”

    “So, I didn’t ask, did you manage to remember anything from when you were human?”

    “No, even the sleep didn’t help.”

    “Well, it’s a little bad, but if I remember correctly, there might be a way to restore your memories.”

    “Really?”

    “Don’t really get your ho-“

    “Maybe the best way to get your memories back is to meet them yourself,” a voice interrupted.

    Leo and Xavier turned to it and they saw a bipedal, otter-like Pokémon, primarily blue-coloured. It had a long crest at the back of its head, a red nose and white whiskers shaped like V. Its arms had three fingers on each black paw. Its feet and flat tail were black and around its waist had a large, dark blue arrangement of fur with two shells on its thighs. It looked really pissed off to Leo, but he didn’t know why.

    “Oh, hi Atlas. Long time no see,” Xavier greeted the Pokémon.

    “Hah, “Long time no see” after you left us without telling anyone. How could you have done that?!”

    “…I had-“

    “Don’t try to think of an excuse. You abandoned us right after Ryder was announced wild, but you saw him yourself, he cannot be trusted. If he came back, he would eventually turn on you again. Can’t you see this cycle of making friends with wild Pokémon will always end up in betrayal?! Wait, who is this Pokémon you are with? Is he another wild Pokémon?”

    “This is Leo. I found him in the forest after-“

    “Ah, so he is another wild Pokémon. Maybe it was for the better you left us, you irresponsible bastard.”

    “Hey! Stop it!” Leo got out of his seat and took an intimidating posture “I may be counted as wild, but I lost my memories. Maybe I was a normal Pokémon before that. Don’t jump to conclusions immediately.”

    “Or what? Will you stop me? You sound very confident for somemon who is lost and will never find home again“

    “Are you trying to mock me? Like if you know what I’m capable of!”

    “That’s enough!” Ruby got in between Leo and Atlas “If both of you won’t calm down, I will kick you out of this restaurant!”

    Every Pokémon in the restaurant suddenly turned silent and looked at what was happening. The silence created a very uneven feeling for both Leo and Atlas.

    “Ah, whatever, it’s better to not waste time on brats like you.”

    “You will-“ Leo got suddenly angry with small sparks starting to appear on his body, but then he saw Ruby shaking her head inducting he should stop. He obeyed and calmed down. 

    Atlas slowly walked away from the scene and everyone in the restaurant started focusing back on their things.

    “Hey, thanks for holding back.” Ruby spoke up “Those types of guys are really not worth the attention.”

    “I almost attacked, but maybe it’s for the better that I didn’t” Leo concluded.

    “You should go back to your table, Kirlia will bring food to you soon”

    Leo nodded and both of them split up. He sat on his seat and tried to process what just happened.

    “Do you want to talk over what happened?” Xavier asked.

    “Is there any need for discussion?”

    “Maybe not, but I want to ask you for something. Please, don’t get a bad idea of Atlas. I sort of  deserved that for what I did to them.”

    “Was he your past member of a team?”

    “Yeah, with him and Ryder we formed an exploration team, but we also belonged to a guild and that’s why he was saying “us”

    “What’s a guild?”

    Xavier took a deep breath, “A guild is what exploration teams can form to make it easier for teams to collaborate and to make it easier for Pokémon in need to look for explorers. Today, it’s pretty much impossible to receive jobs without being in a guild as their reputation completely dominates over individual teams. We signed up for a guild called “Stormwings” as we were just starting up. It’s not on this island and so I’m surprised we bumped into Atlas here”

    “Maybe he is here for the tournament?”

    “I don’t think so. Atlas hates big public events.”

    Without them noticing, Kirlia went up to their table with soups. She placed the bowls and spoons next to them in front of Leo and Xavier.

    “Thank you. Do you know when this tournament is happening, and where?” Xavier asked Kirlia.

    “It’s happening in the temple as there is a courtyard inside big enough for battling. It should be happening in around 30 minutes.”

    “Thanks again and before you go, I have to ask, how do you know my name?” 

    “Ruby used to talk about you a lot and your team. I was surprised that she was your teacher before. She said you were quite the adventurous type, no wonder you formed an exploration team!” she answered with a blush.

    “Yeah, I’m surprised she doesn’t hold a grudge against me for how I behaved in the past.”

    “I think it’s because you’ve really changed in the end, by becoming a very generous Pokémon. Anyways, you should hurry up with your food if you want to make it in time and I have to go back to serving guests.”

    “Okay, see you around!”

    “You too!”

    “Bye!” Leo bid farewell. 

    “So, let’s eat!“ Xavier was smiling a little bit when he said that, “…Oh, right. Do you know how to eat?”

    “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking of when you spoke to Kirlia. I have no clue, but,” Leo grabbed a spoon, “I’m supposed to use this I guess?”

    “Yes, but with only paws, I would guess it’s pretty difficult. You know, quadrupedal children don’t seem to have that many problems, but it just takes them a while to eat a soup like that.”

    Leo decided to look at the dish. It was mostly cut pieces of carrot in an orange cream substance. To Leo, it looks more compelling than yesterday’s apple. Is it because he is getting used to this world? He decided to not bother with it and try to grab the spoon. To his surprise, it fell perfectly into his paw. 

    “Now, I just try to grab the soup with this, right?”

    “Yeah, wait… Didn’t you just say that you don’t know how to eat?”

    “Yes, but this seems… so natural and instinctive. As if I don’t remember myself, but my unconscious self does.”

    “… I guess that makes sense. So, let’s finally eat.”

    Xavier grabbed a spoon and started eating the soup. Leo tried to follow and took a sip.

    “Ouch! It’s so hot!”

    “I don’t know what you mean, it’s perfect!”

    “You know that you are literally a fire type and high temperature is actually really comfortable for you?”

    “Oh…, right. Well, then we will just wait for you to eat it slowly.”

    “But we don’t have time! Eh, screw it” Leo grabbed the bowl with both of his paws “Ouch! It’s even hot when I grab it like that.”

    “Hey-! What are you doing?” Xavier glanced around, hoping no one would notice.  

    “If I try to eat this soup normally, it will take forever. So, instead, I will just drink it.”

    “Are you sure you won’t regret it?” Xavier raised an eyebrow.

    “Well, do you have a better idea? I’m open to suggestions.”

    “…”

    “Yeah, I’m doing it.”

    Leo turned the bowl towards him and slowly started gulping the soup. After a few seconds, he started to eat it faster and try to do it without spilling,  but even so, some cream got out and spilled down his face. It was a little painful to Leo, but he ignored it, focusing on drinking. After about a minute, Leo put down the bowl. 

    “AAAAH! It’s so hot!” Leo screamed.

    “How did you…?” Xavier was staggered “I have no words. You know, that was quite… impolite. I hope no one saw you,” Xavier grabbed a napkin from the table they were sitting on “Here, use this to clean yourself.”

    “Thanks” Leo cleaned himself “So…, hurry up”

    “Really now?” 

    “Sorry.”

    Leo was patiently looking at Xavier who was eating the soup normally with a spoon. As the heat of it wasn’t a problem for him, he fully devoured it in no time. Xavier looked around himself for some reason, he seemed frightened about something.

    “Oh, right… I lost my bag and I didn’t bring any money this time.”

    “Well, what do we do then?”

    “Let’s just ask Ruby what she thinks.”

    Leo and Xavier got out of their seats and started going up to where she is. Surprisingly to them, most of the customers left the restaurant already so it was really empty. They saw Ruby at the counter and they went up to her.

    “Leaving already?” Ruby asked “I guess, you want to make it in time to watch the tournament, Kirlia told me you were interested. So, that will be 10 coins for everything”

    “Yeah, about that. I’m sorry Ruby, I don’t have any money with me, not even a bag to sell anything.”

    “Well, since we haven’t talked in a while, and I also want you to have a good time with your new friend.  This will be on the house.”

    “B-but-, please…, just let me pay later.”

    “Nah, I need to give you something, after all of those years that I bored you with my language lessons. As you already know how to speak really well. Now off you go, you still have to make it in time.”

    “…Fine. Let’s go, Leo.”

    Leo and Xavier got out of the restaurant. They started walking towards the temple.

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    1. Mar 2, '24 at 2:03 pm

      Hello Frenzy! I’m here for your review tag review!

      You asked for feedback on dialogue tags and descriptions, I’ll start with those. I wouldn’t worry too much about dialogue tags: whenever I research prose, I find consistently that the advice is to stick to “said”. Trying to change up the verb draws attention to something that’s better off not noticed – and fancier verbs don’t do much to convey the tone or emotion of dialogue nearly as much as the dialogue itself. That being said, from experience, using simple verbs like “asked”, “explained”, “shouted”, etc., aren’t too bad. But stuff like “hiss”, “threatened”, etc. would be the kind of words to avoid – you don’t even hiss words, after all. The extreme end of what to avoid would be “‘We’re not going to use Magic?’ Ron ejaculated loudly” (real passage by the way).

      But, I bet you want to avoid “he said” back to back to back, yeah? I find the trick of stopping dialogue tags from feeling repetitive is to write the dialogue in a way you don’t need the dialogue tag. Describing body language or just an action of the character is the easiest way to do this. You also get the bonus of having more show and less tell doing this. But by the end of the day, don’t be afraid to use “said”. It’ll work, people won’t notice it, and most importantly, it’s clear.

      As for description, I haven’t read anything I would say is bad description, but I don’t remember much description either. In fact, I skimmed through chapter 2, there are only two paragraphs of description. I would try to keep an eye open for more opportunities for description. And you don’t have to do that by adding onto the existing paragraphs. You can describe more of the environment as the characters interact and move through it, even a single sentence here and there can supplement the imagery. It’s a great way to cover all five senses without going down them like a checklist in a big paragraph.

      But for good description in general, my biggest advice would be to focus on tone. The environment isn’t just what’s around the characters. Places often come with mood and emotions and they often reflect on the scene in some way. Focusing on the tone you want, what are the details of the environment that provide that?

      It isn’t just the what that makes for effective description. The “how” can make whatever you’re describing more effective. In fact, the biggest thing that stuck out to me as a whole while reading wasn’t the description or dialogue tags, but the prose. The narrator frequently uses words that lessen the impact of what’s being said, imply ambiguity, or are using words that don’t add value. It’s hard to describe this without using examples so here are a few:

      “In the distance, the sign was finally coming into view” (“Finally” adds little value. If you meant to make it sound like it was a long run, there’s more interesting ways, like describing more of their run)

      “Braxton looked like he was taking a deep breath to attack from his mouth” – “looked like” gives a weaker impression of the scene. Even if there’s room for ambiguity, “Braxton took a deep breath” is more interesting and more compelling to read.

      And one prose mistake the story makes fairly often is something called “filtering”, and I would say impacts the descriptions the most. Filtering is when instead of describing things directly, it describes the characters experiencing things. It’s intuitive to do this because you’re writing their perspective but in practice, you add a layer between the reader and the environment and it makes the story less immersive. For example, “To Leo, a beautiful scenary was revealed” – just changing this to “Beautiful scenery was revealed” leaves a stronger impression on the reader, who is the person who needs to find this scenery beautiful.

      Or another more specific one – “Leo and Xavier finally started to see the town in the distance”. “Finally” and “started” are two words that don’t add a lot of value compared to “Leo and Xavier saw the town in the distance”. Even though this is in the context of a race and the town coming into town, the story being active in its description helps make it more interesting. IE it’s more interesting to see things than to start to see things. Going further we can then remove the filtering – “The town came in view in the distance”. Yes, that on its own it leaves a lot to be desired, but it is also functionally the same thing as what the original sentence was describing.

      But if you keep trimming out words like these from every sentence, description becomes stronger because more of the words are directly leaving an impression in your mind. Consider this before and after:

      “Leo and Xavier finally started to see the town in the distance. The buildings were only made out of wood, and most of them didn’t have a second floor. Despite the infrastructure, nature was blooming everywhere with many flowers and well-kept fields in between buildings. There weren’t many Pokémon, but they still walked around, some of them displaying their different badges or wearing hats, ribbons and other accessories.”

      “The town came in view in the distance. The buildings were made of wood and most didn’t have a second floor. Nature bloomed everywhere with flowers and well-kept fields lying between the buildings and a few Pokemon walked around, wearing badges, hats, ribbons, and other accessories.”

      Now, I definitely do not want this to become “how to write like me” nor should it be, BUT I’m hoping this illustrates how you can view description and prose differently. And if description is ever too short after trimming out words, you can add new details to help make the pacing more natural again. And honestly, I absolutely do believe you have the imagination for description. The details you already have are really good, they just need to be brought out.

      I really hope all this advice helps, and I definitely hope it’s what it’s looking for! There is one other thing that did stuck out to me though that you might want to keep an eye out for. I felt the dialogue could be improved. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of advice for dialogue since it comes to me a bit naturally. But as I read, I got an impression that some of the things that were said were to inform the audience of exposition instead of what the characters would naturally convey to each other.

      One thing I really liked about the story was its good pacing and good narrative. I find most pmd fics take a while in the beginning while following the formula and don’t give much to look forward to other or personal stakes. But in chapter 2 here, there’s conflict, personal stakes, a motivation for Xavier that’s more personal than “I have big dreams” then chapter 3 ends with a tournament to look forward to and stuff. The story’s more active, the characters are more active, and it’s not going through the motions until the plot begins 30,000 words in. I think that’s a strength of your writing. Things happen in your story and I can’t say that with as much confidence for other stories.