Chapter 34: Nothing to Sneasler At

The emergency stairwell thankfully had tiny white lights illuminating the way down despite the hotel’s power outage. While Nikki took the stairs two or three at a time, Artemis slithered along the railing. They got a few floors down before other patrons began to enter.

“Move! Outta the way!” Nikki shouted, shoving aside multiple protesting patrons. The last of which was a shellos who left her wringing out goo from her hands. The toxtricity was glad for the distraction. Anything to keep her from thinking about what had happened in her hotel room.

Impatience soon got the better of Nikki, however. She started jumping down half of each flight of stairs, kicking up dirt and sparks. “Hey, slow down!” Artemis cried.

“Fat chance!” Nikki replied. The emergency lights flickered all around her. Her mohawk frazzled in kind. She hurried down the last two flights of stairs and barged out of the red emergency exit door.

Nikki stumbled out into a brick alleyway. She managed to catch herself before faceplanting into the dust and… questionable black streaks in the cracks between several bricks. Nikki looked around, but the buildings surrounding the back of the hotel were equally as dark. So, it ain’t just this place. Great.

The emergency exit opened behind her. Artemis slithered out, panting heavily. “Thanks… for waiting,” he wheezed.

“Kiss my ass, Pool Noodle.” Nikki crossed her arms. “Which way gets us back to the…”

Her voice trailed off as white and blue caught the corner of her eye. Under a ground-level window to her right sat an inflatable quaxly filled to the brim with mounds of bright pink cotton candy. Nikki pointed to it. “Is… is that supposed to be there?”

Artemis looked left. His eyebrows crinkled. “I, uh, think that’s a dumpster.” He blinked several times. “Or it was a dumpster.”

“Right, because dumpsters look like oversized bath toys!” Nikki slouched over. “Next you’re going to tell me there was a circus staying in this hotel.”

The milotic whipped the air with a ribbon. “I’m just as clueless as you a— whoomph!” His tail shot up and he slithered forward, revealing Pillow Princess and his stupid sylveon boytoy standing in the doorway wearing velvet bathrobes. Their faces were flushed, but frazzled.

That quake caught ’em in the middle of something, Nikki mentally sneered.

“What are you looking at?” Shimmer huffed. The ponyta stomped a forehoof on the ground. “I bet you caused all of this! If you think you can disrupt my beauty sleep the night before the first leg, then you—”

“Shimmy?” Xander tugged on Shimmer’s bathrobe. “I think something’s really wrong.” He pointed to the inflatable quaxly with a ribbon. The second he did, purple light raced up from the brick street. Xander yelped and jumped back in the doorway, earning several annoyed cries. Nikki held her arms up defensively, but nothing bad happened.

When the toxtricity lowered them, however, she found static enveloping the dead streetlight between the hotel and the building to her right. Bit by bit, wood replaced metal, until a twisted, gnarled grandfather clock stood in the streetlight’s place, awkwardly bent into the same shape as the object it replaced. A small doorway opened in the middle of it and a little fletchling cuckoo shot out on a metal coil, chirping obnoxiously.

Nikki pinched the back of her neck. She slapped her cheek. Nothing changed. Not a dream, then. Shit.

Shimmer hopped away from the emergency exit, whinnying in fright. “Th… this is…” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “When I figure out how you’re doing this… I’ll see to it no one will even hire you to scrape gum off their tables!” He pointed his glowing horn at Nikki.

“Me?” Nikki’s fingers tingled with lightning. “Pull your head out of your boytoy’s ass! I’ve got nothing to do with this.”

“Prove it!” Shimmer’s nostrils flared.

Nikki clenched her fists. Yellow and purple sparks slowly shaped themselves into a handle. “You’re the one with the hate boner. You prove it!”

“Both of you, shut up!“

A milotic tail slapped down between the two of them. “Dawdling here solves nothing.” Artemis pointed a ribbon to the alley behind him. “Let’s get out in front of the hotel and find someone in charge.”

“Yeah! Let us out, damn it!” a gruff voice shouted from inside the emergency exit, followed by a chorus of similar cries. Xander’s stubby tail drooped.

“Aha ha… my bad, everyone! Don’t hold it against the prince.” The sylveon raised his ribbons innocently.

“Hang on… the prince is here?”

“Do something, Your Grace!”

“I paid a lotta money to be here!”

Shimmer shrank back, ears folding at the new chorus of voices. “Xander, you idiot!“

Nikki stepped away from the quarreling lovebirds, but not without flashing the ponyta the smarmiest smirk she could muster. She and Artemis rounded the corner to head in front of the hotel when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. “What the—”

“Hey, you’re glowing pink!” The milotic looked around in a panic.

“Me? You are, too!” Nikki retorted. Then an unseen force hoisted the two into the air. The toxtricity flailed her arms and legs about. “I want outta this shitty nightmare!” she hissed, before landing on the hotel roof with a soft thud.

“Yeah, you and me both, sister.”

“Bwuh?” Nikki looked up to find… some sort of hairless black and purple cat standing with his arms crossed and looking down at her. Her heart momentarily quickened upon seeing the obviously evil crystal wedged in the cat’s shoulder, but she then remembered what that dorky servant charizard had told her and Princess back in Horizon Gardens.

“Gene, I presume?” Artemis was faster asking what was on Nikki’s mind. “I thought you were supposed to be in the Qliphoth with the others.”

Gene leaned back against a part of the hotel’s large sign. His attempt at a hiding place, if Nikki had to guess. She then realized Valkyrie sat next to him, looking rather pale. The garchomp’s arms trembled.

“I was, but your grovyle buddy had to go get himself blown up.” Gene shook his head. “So, here I am. And no grilled lizard to show for it.”

“Twiggy and I aren’t bud— wait.”

It took a moment, but the realization of Gene’s words was an invisible mallet to the back of Nikki’s head. “T… Twiggy blew up?” Her chest tightened. “H-He’s—”

“Alive.” Gene yawned into his hand.

Artemis balled up a ribbon and shook it at Gene. “Why didn’t you lead with that?”

“Dramatic effect?” Gene shrugged.

“Are you asking me or telling me?!”

“Yes.” Gene winked at Artemis, whose looked ready to burst a blood vessel.

“Well, where is he?” Nikki asked, finally getting back to her feet.

“Someone took him,” Valkyrie whispered. The garchomp continued staring at the ground. Nikki looked to Gene for more information.

“We were going to rescue him.” Gene ran his right hand along the back of the hotel sign. He rubbed his index finger and thumb, balling up the dust he had scooped up. “But when we were heading for the amphitheater — a total eyesore, if you ask me — I saw some gold light from out back. Then several figures flew off.” He blew the dust ball away from his fingers. “I think I sensed a dusknoir, but there was something… off about their energy. If I had hair, it would’ve stood on end for sure.”

The toxtricity’s heart rate picked up again. “The Reaper?” She glanced at Artemis. “I thought he was supposed to be at the hotel with us?”

“Clearly he lied,” Artemis said.

Gene cleared his throat. “Anyway, we followed at a distance until we saw your bud get dropped off at some hospital. Then Val told me you guys were here.” He gestured to Nikki and Artemis. “And then I hoisted you both up here and explained everything.”

Smirking, Gene crossed his arms. “This concludes ‘Gene’s Epic Story Time.’ Be sure to like and subscribe for more daily content.”

Nikki stared back at him blankly. What the hell was this dumb hairless cat smoking? And does he have any on him?

“I know, I know. I’m still workshopping the name.” Gene nonchalantly flicked his right hand.

“Forget that.” Artemis coiled his body tightly until he stood taller than Gene. “Why try and find us? It’s not like we’re in a position to deal with the Reaper.”

“Duh.” Gene blew a raspberry. “You think I’m an idiot? This isn’t about your charbroiled grovyle. This is about something much more dire.”

The milotic squinted. “And are you going to tell us what that is? Or is this some more dramatic effect?”

Another wall of purple light then raced past the group. The glass clamperl towering over the roof abruptly turned to pieces of blue and pink cardboard. A breeze carried the large pieces away from them. Nikki could only watch in disbelief, thankful it hadn’t transformed into something more dangerous.

“I think that about sums it up.” Gene shook his head, tsking. “Well, that and what’s going on with the rest of your motley crew.” He clenched his right fist. Ectoplasm swirled around it. “They were helping me try and rescue my friends before we got sidetracked. I’m not about to leave them high and dry when they’re doing me a solid.”

Nikki put her hands on her hips. “Well, isn’t that nice? You didn’t strike me as the touchy-feely type, Pussy.”

Gene returned the toxtricity’s insult with a proud smile. “Nice one.” He winked at Nikki before his expression sharpened. “But seriously, as kooky as some of the stuff here might be, we oughta go inside Eternatus and rendezvous with the others.” Gene tapped his temple. “Call it psychic intuition.”

There was also the matter of the whole toxic water incident. Everyone besides Nikki thought it was connected to Eternatus. Now that even weirder stuff was messing with Venish, didn’t it make sense to at least try and fix the toxic water?

She scratched her head. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Nikki looked at Valkrie. Wasn’t the dour garchomp going to protest?

“Great! Then let’s get a move on.” Gene rubbed his hands together. “There isn’t a moment to lose.”

Again, Nikki expected Valkyrie to object. But she remained silent while Gene raised his hands a summoned a purple rift underneath them.

I guess she’s resigned herself to losing Twiggy to the Reaper.

Yuna wasn’t sure how she spotted it through the swamp’s haze, but she somehow caught a glimpse of purple splotches forming on the ground ahead of Reshiram. Muttering a silent apology to Reshiram’s orange-feathered passenger, she recalled the dragon to the Soul Dew. Moments later, a huge purple geyser erupted in front of the flailing bird. He managed to land on his lanky legs and backpedal to avoid lingering purple globs that peppered the mud and crabby gray grass all around him.

“Let me out! Lemme out!” Reshiram’s flailing filled Yuna’s mind. “Lugia! Lugia! I have to save her!”

“Calm yourself, Sir Reshiram!” Rayquaza gasped, weaving around the white dragon. “She’s mine friend, too, but—”

“No, you don’t understand! That’s my wife!” Tears welled up in Reshiram’s eyes. “We have to do something! Do something, Yuna!“

“Ye gads! Art thou serious?” Rayquaza recoiled, raising his black and red tail. “I know thou werest quite close, but Bahamut ordered you to break things off before assuming your duties.”

Nothing but whimpers followed. It wrenched Yuna’s gut in different directions. Bahamut preached the importance of family and intimacy, so why would he forbid the Sages from having such relationships? She also realized it sounded like Reshiram, the Sage of Truth, had lied to Bahamut and the other Sages. And on top of that, Reshiram’s sadness made it hard to focus on everything else going on.

“Who or what is that?”

Yuna was thankful for Noctum’s cry, even if it meant something bad. He pointed toward the poisonous haze ahead of the orange bird, where a tall, lanky silhouette grew larger and taller the closer it got.

“I thought I felt that Chiron vibe a-coming. Most distastefully bad juju.”

What emerged from the haze looked… vaguely sneasel-like. If someone had dipped the sneasel in bright pink and stretched it out, of course. The way she swayed back and forth unsettled Yuna. Despite the bottom of her white dress dragging through the mud, it remained utterly pristine. As did the black, wide-brimmed hat sitting atop her head. Nobles back in Aeon had similar hats to shield from the volcanic ash.

But sneasel and weavile don’t live in Aeon…

“I can see that confusion scrawled across your face, traitor.” The newcomer daintily pointed her long black claws right at Yuna. “It’s been some time since you’ve laid eyes on a sneasler, huh? The body might’ve changed, but Exodes persists. You know as well as I we Paradigm aren’t so easily stopped.”

“Is she some… alternate evolution of sneasel? Poppycock!” Rayquaza guffawed. “Next thou’ll tellst me she can stretch even further and become a sneaslest.”

The sneasler part threw Yuna off, but one thing was certain: the dreepy had to stay firm. Or float firm. “I’m not Chiron. You’re mistaken.”

“Ha ha ha!” Exodes’ grin widened. “Oh, Chrion, even after all these years, your sense of timing remains… impeccable.”

Noctum glided in front of Yuna defensively. Seifer poked his head out, horn flickering red. “Halt! Don’t come any closer or I’ll shoot!”

“Oh? A keldeo. My, my. What a… delicious specimen you are.” Exodes traced a claw around her lips, then licked it with her long, black tongue. “Why not… give yourself up to the Paradigm?” The sneasler gripped the brim of her hat. “You’d make a fabulous addition to my growing army of the undead.”

It wasn’t hard for Yuna to put two and two together. Seifer was quickest to react, however. “So, you’re behind the skeletons that attacked us, earlier! Surrender, fiend!”

“Of course I am.” Exodes resumed swaying back and forth. “It’s my… coronation gift to the emperor. An infinite army of the undead, made possible by these silly mutants and their budding powers.”

“Emperor?” The orange bird shifted uneasily.

“Budding?” Noctum frowned.

“Like mushrooms?” Seifer glanced back at Kelly and Skorp. “Quetzal, be careful down there.”

“Careful? Ha!” Exodes fanned herself with her right hand. “I could stand here and talk your ears off.” She raised both hands. “But I’d much rather… demonstrate!“

Noctum and Yuna were ready. Both flew in opposite directions faster than Exodes could extend her claws toward either of them.

“Foul witch! Claws shouldn’t extend that far,” Rayquaza spat. “Tis an affront to nature!”

“Skorp, Kelly, look out!” Noctum cried. Yuna realized the claws were still extending. The aerodactyl behind her cawed in alarm and flapped her wings. Yuna thought it wise to attack Exodes. Fortunately, the bird was on top of it, shooting an orange blast toward Exodes from his right leg.

The sneasler jumped over the blast. Her claws didn’t need to retreat. Yuna hastily concentrated, but Reshiram didn’t respond. What are you doing? she mentally hissed. We need your help!

Fortunately, Kelly avoided getting grabbed. Yuna got no relief, however, as Kelly suddenly jerked left, then right. She screeched in protest, but next thing Yuna knew, she was staring down an approaching wall of dragonfire.

“Yuna!”

Flames and a large water torrent followed Noctum’s cry. They snuffed out the dragonfire, giving Yuna enough time to float back. Exodes retracted her claws, allowing Yuna to see a tiny aerodactyl doll in her right claws.

“Whoa there, Kelly!” Skorp dangled from her right leg. “Why don’t we take a deep breath or two, eh?”

“It’s too late for her.” Exodes held up the aerodactyl doll. “One little touch is all I need for my vicious voodoo to take hold.” The sneasler flapped the doll’s wings and Kelly responded in kind. A giant gust of wind sent Yuna reeling through the air. She heard Noctum and Seifer’s hollers, followed by metal breaking apart.

“Waaaaah!”

Yuna righted herself in time for Quetzal to zip by her. Skorp landed safely on his orange-feathered back. Quetzal looked as surprised at his speed as Yuna was.

“Behind you, Princess!”

The dreepy whirled around. Exodes’ free claws were heading right for her! And brimming with poison! She concentrated, but couldn’t draw up Reshiram’s flames. Fortunately, Rayquaza popped his black head out of the Soul Dew and blasted the claws with a Dragon Pulse. The blue bolt vaporized the toxins and the claws shot back to Exodes’ hand like chains pulled through a winch crank.

Reshiram, please! Snap out of it! Yuna’s frustration was bubbling up. Her arms darkened. Fearful of Rayquaza noticing, she sucked him back into the Soul Dew with a deep breath.

“… Lugia…” Sniffles echoed in Yuna’s head. She couldn’t believe how defeated he sounded. And all because she didn’t want him rushing ahead. Reshiram would have gotten trapped by Exodes for sure if Yuna hadn’t stopped him. Why couldn’t he see that? He was the Sage of Truth!

“Well, well.” Exodes fanned herself with her free hand. “It seems I’m not the only puppeteer here. How fitting. First you throw the whole Paradigm away like a set of unloved toys. Now you’re doing the same to the ones you left us for.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Yuna retorted. “Please, stop! Nothing good is going to come from this!”

Quetzal had taken the opportunity to run out of Exodes’ eyesight. Just when it looked like he’d launch a sneak attack, however, Exodes pried the Kelly doll’s jaws open. Glowing rocks rained down on Quetzal from above. Squawking in surprise, the orange bird ran zigzags to try and avoid them.

“Tis a feint!” Rayquaza cried. Sure enough, Exodes slammed her free hand into the ground. A wave of purple ooze rose from the bog behind Quetzal.

“We have to blow it away!” Yuna focused on Rayquaza’s soul — she wasn’t going to risk Reshiram resisting again — and vibrant blue energy gathered in her arms. While Quetzal ran away from the swamp and the capsized ship, a twister rose from the ground.

Yuna realized her misstep too late, however. The tornado caught the poison tidal wave and flung the purple slime in all directions. Some hit Kelly, who shrieked in pain and plummeted from the air. Other bits struck the ship’s front hull, burning through the metal around a charizard-shaped hole.

“How droll!” Exodes raised her free hand, laughing. “The more you try and ‘help,’ the more harm you’re putting your friends through.” The sneasler jerked Kelly’s doll and the aerodactyl forcibly shot into the air again, flying in between Yuna and Exodes.

Yuna’s gills shriveled. That blasted daemon was using Kelly as a meat shield now? How could she?

Reshiram, I’m begging you! Stop sulking! Yuna scrunched her face up. Think about the others. Think about Lugia! If we can’t stop this daemon… she’s going to keep hurting her!

“I could use some help over here!”

Quetzel’s frightened caws drew Yuna’s attention down, where he was running back toward the ship with Exodes’ claws in hot pursuit. Yuna gulped. Quetzal couldn’t get hit like Kelly did. Not with Noctum and Seifer still stuck in the ship.

… The ship.

“Quetzal, go in the ship!” Yuna cried.

“What?” The orange bird hopped over Exodes’ claws. He kicked the air with his right leg, propelling him a few meters away. “Are you mad? I can’t leave you here alone!”

“Just do it!” Yuna was getting warmer. White fur filled the back of her psyche, along with a sudden surge of determination. “I think… I think they might’ve found something important in there!”

“Ha! In that hunk of metal?” Exodes retracted her claws and forced the aerodactyl doll’s mouth open again. More glowing rocks gathered above Quetzal. “I don’t even know what it’s doing—”

The sneasler’s eyes widened. “Err, I mean, that thing’s been there for ages! It’s as empty as this aerodactyl’s head!”

Quetzal caught the slip up. An orange glow surrounded him. Yowling, Skorp hung on for dear life with all three mutant hands. Quetzal surged into the Noctum-shaped hole in the ship’s hull.

“Rrr… stupid, stupid, stupid!” Exodes smacked her head three times with her left hand. She jabbed the Kelly doll with her left index claw. The aerodactyl seized in the air. “After them!”

She lifted her hat and stuffed the doll into it. Kelly screeched and darted for the hole in the ship.

Now it was just the two of them. The broken needle had an ominous glow. Lugia still floated over it. Were there more purple tendrils around her or was Yuna’s mind playing tricks on her?

“Last chance.” Yuna clasped the edges of her Soul Dew. “We’ve… already dealt with daemons like you. If you let everyone go, maybe we can talk this out.”

Uproarious laughter was Exodes’ answer. “You think the great Lady Exodes, voodoo master of Eternatus, is going to surrender to a traitorous has been?” She flicked her right hand dismissively. “Oh, honey…”

All six of Exodes’ claws glowed bright purple, as did her eyes. The purple swamps on either side of Yuna bubbled… and skeletons emerged one by one. Carracosta. Relicanth. Archeops. Three species Yuna had only seen in picture books, like the cranidos and rampardos before them.

“… what makes you think you ever had the advantage here?”

They came as a volley. Three Hydro Pumps. Two rock volleys. Way too much for Yuna to deal with. She fled right through the air, but giant purple wisps swirled all around her. She’d never seen ghostly energy so big before! Were these Shadow Balls?

I don’t see an opening! Reshiram… help!

“On it!”

The flames burned Yuna’s throat, forcing him to spit them out immediately. Yet, to her horror, the purple energy balls only shrank from the Blue Flare. And they were closing in all around her!

No! Oh, God, no! Yuna tensed up, bracing for what would surely be a massive hit.

There was, indeed, a flash bright enough to notice despite her closed eyes. But no pain.

“You!”

Yuna’s eyes snapped open at Exodes’ cry.

It was Gene. The mewtwo floated between her and Exodes, brandishing… a giant pink spoon?

“He fights with a kitchen utensil?” Rayquaza’s jaw dropped. “Have we aligned ourself with a fool? Mayhap he left his jester’s hat at his abode.”

Gene stole a glance at Yuna and nodded. Then he rested the giant spoon on his left shoulder.

“Long time no see, Exdeath.” Gene lacked the playful attitude Yuna heard earlier. “I gotta say… you picked a sporting locale for taking your voodoo act underground. Could do with a little more Cajun flare, but I don’t think we’re gonna find Kalosian colonists on such short notice.”

Veins bulged on Exodes’ forehead. “It’s Exodes, now, rebel scum! And I should’ve figured you were a dirty enough piece of swine to associate with the traitor!”

“Oh-ho, my bad.” Gene scratched his head with his free hand. “Wasn’t aware you changed names. Finally realized how obviously evil that edgy moniker was?” The mewtwo’s tail lazily swayed back and forth.

Well, the seriousness was nice while it lasted. Still, Yuna was thankful for the backup. Doubly so when she spotted Nikki and Artemis standing back-to-back, surrounded by damp bones with sparks dancing around them. Valkyrie glided onto a dead, toppled over tree. She squatted on the rotting wood, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.

“Didn’t take you for the shlocky horror flick type, Princess.” Nikki’s back was turned to Yuna, but the dreepy practically heard the smirk in her voice. “But after the time we’ve had… I could do with breaking a few bones. Flesh or no flesh.” She cracked her knuckles.

Exodes glanced between the down skeletons and Gene. “Ha ha. Well, well. We’ve really got ourselves a party now, huh?” She adjusted her black hat, some of her earlier smarminess returning.

“Do we? Dang.” Gene snapped his left fingers. “Forgot to bring my queso. Nobody can resist the cheesy dip.” He put his fingers to his lips and kissed them.

“The only dipping sauce I’ll be needing is your blood, rebel.” Exodes pointed an index claw at Gene. “I’ll drizzle it over your head and serve it up on a platter to the emperor. He’ll be so thrilled, he’ll make me his number two over Uroboros!”

“Emperor?” Gene tsked. “Jeez, just when I thought Paradox’s head couldn’t get any bigger.”

“Y… Yuna?” Reshiram poked his claws together in the back of her mind. “Now that we have backup… maybe we can try and free Lugia?”

The skeletons surrounding Nikki and Artemis reanimated. They snapped at the air. Nikki raised her fists, mohawk crackling like a fire pit.

Gene brandished his giant spoon. “Try it, Exdeath. I’ll have you seeing stars, just like last time.”

The sneasler immediately launched her claws at Gene. She looked focused on him. Yuna agreed with Reshiram. This was her chance. She flew right, weaving around barren tree branches and tuning out the sounds of claws slamming into something hard.

But though she got farther from Exodes, she found a wall of Poison Sting needles approaching her. Yelping, the dreepy dove down, skirting the attacks while staying just above the poisonous swamp.

When she pulled up, Yuna found dozens of Skorps standing on the edge of the island, each with their mutant hands trained directly on her.

Their limbs glowed purple in unison. And, just like that, Yuna had three dozen Poison Sting needles closing in on her.