The Wretched Sin
by Shanna~ CHAPTER 24 ~
<< The Wretched Sin >>
[BEGIN]
Place: City of Arceliaze, Approaching North Illaminian District
Region: Central Arceali Valley
Day: Shiroffkove
Date: Zshima 57th
Year: 5th Turn, 12
The night was cold and silent.
A sharp wind was billowing through the street – it was the only noise in the absence of a large crowd. For indeed the New District did come to sleep before the rest of Arceliaze, save for the guard that drowsily kept watch over the city.
Zerazani had given her good-byes and kudos back at Kura M’Zan once the Showcase had come to a close. Siranae and I had taken our leave, and walked the cobblestone road back down to Arceliaze proper.
And after that farewell, the night had been cold…
And silent.
Much, much too silent.
There beside me did Siranae walk, quiet as the grave and with an expression to match. The Audino looked about the street idly, pretending to take in sights she had no doubt already seen hundreds and hundreds of times. She traced her gaze over every statue and building, as though any of it had changed since that morning.
I strode on, paws clasped at my front. Stoic and refined, as though another Zu’Conveytion would burst forth from the frigid darkness and judge my manners again. A show, for Siranae alone.
No… for myself, as well. A mockery of decency and good nature.
The wind whipped around us. It battered at our dresses, fluttering every loose fabric and tassel on our bodies, ceaselessly cold.
And all was still so silent.
Naught but the rumble of the wind, and the tapping of footsteps.
I couldn’t help myself from shooting glances at Siranae, perhaps every other moment. Waiting for her gaze to come my way – darting my eyes away in fear, should she ever do so.
Trapped, at the mercy of her silence.
I made no sound. I did not even shiver in the blistering breeze, lest the rattling of my body distress her mood again. But I could restrain myself only so long.
With my heart quivering, I spoke.
“The evening went quite well, did it not…?”
The words passed from my throat, passed my lips… and seemed to die upon the steam of my breath, floating away and never reaching the Audino. For Siranae hardly acknowledged me.
Save for her ear twitch. She could never hide anything.
The short query was met with an honest, and yet shorter, answer.
“It was nice.”
And the silence returned.
Siranae had been there, in the midst of her dream. She’d worn a fine dress. She’d gone to a showcase amongst nobles and tradesmon. She’d dined on fine food and Eksai whilst admiring art of high culture. She even had the, albeit brief, opportunity of talking to a Conveytion.
She had lived her dream.
And it was only…
…nice.
I nodded my head in silence. There was no power in the world that could change what she felt… nor did I deserve to wield it, in that moment.
My polite clasping of paws became a hand-wringing. Tense and nervous, as though awaiting judgment – some vindication through suffering, which never seemed to come.
It was unbearable.
My steps slowed. Only now did the fatigue of the evening catch up to me, physically, and mentally. Every step I had taken had been a labor. And now… it felt unrewarded.
My lip quivered, but I spoke again.
“What do you want?”
I huffed, making every effort to maintain my fleeting composure.
“What will make this… better? Just… ask it of me, and I will make it so.”
Those words changed something.
For now Siranae stopped her walk. The tap of her shoes slowed until she stood a few paces from me, dress fluttering in the wind. The same wind whipped my unkempt hair in front of my face.
And what I saw when Siranae turned felt…
…alien.
Her brow…furrowed at me. A frown on her face. Eyes filled with contemplation and disappointment.
And yet, though the harshness of her stare could tear my heart asunder…
…sweet Siranae was instead kindly with her words.
“I want to think. That is all.” She said.
Her hands were at her side, palms pressed against her body as though every muscle had stiffened. And her voice, oft sweet and tender, hung in the air with a dreadful thing… resignation.
“Tonight…and, perhaps, the past few days have given me much to think on, I suppose…” Siranae continued. “And, pardon me, but I am not the most clever nor thoughtful Poke’mon in the general sense and, thusly, am unaccustomed to matters requiring long contemplation. But in this instance I just feel it necessary…for I seem to always lack the words and the fortitude I wish to express when it is needed. In ways, I feel, I still fail to see where cruelty ends and my own simple, soft-hearted, naive nature begins. Mama had warned me of it…yet also, in some respects, sheltered me from it. Now I face facts of life that require thought.”
Her brow tightened more, as though she hated saying the words.
“I do feel, perhaps, Zerazani gave me the gift of bravery with her ‘magnum opus’ in Laesi.” Siranae sighed. “I only know not what to do with it or where it’s best applied.”
At last, the Audino’s hands lifted, clasping together at her chest…an almost pleading look on her face.
“Will you permit me that, Friend Adelaide? Time to think?”
Her request sent a chill through my heart. Not from fear, or panic… but from reluctant acceptance.
There was nothing I could say to oppose such an earnest request. Even after all the ways that I had wronged her, she wished only for time and distance.
And somehow… that was worse, than a cruelty that I could fight openly.
My paws fell to my sides. Defeated.
Not a single foe bested my efforts at the showcase. Yet Siranae could upend me with a gentle request.
“Of course, Dear Siranae… as much time as you need.”
I wore a sorrowful smile. Perhaps I hoped to take some solace in her answer, but it was a fleeting desire.
My judgment was merely delayed. And I would wait, meekly, for it to arrive.
There was a brief, agonizing pause at my answer. Only as long as the tick of a clock, but it may as well have been several eternities.
But at last Siranae nodded…and turned to continue down the road.
The silence between the both of us, that icy dreadful silence, was slowly filled with the music of the Illaminian District as we approached. No matter that music’s jubilance and energy, the melody rang hollow, bouncing around an empty heart in a gutted girl.
We passed the north gate of the district without a sound. Our walk passed colorful lights, brightly painted buildings, smiling faces…
…and happy, laughing couples, sat upon benches or dancing together deep in the open-air buildings that surrounded us.
My head hung low.
I did not wish to look upon the cheerful sights in the streets, nor the hellish moon in the sky. And so I stared on, at Siranae’s heels. Patient, as she had asked.
Thus, all of the merriment swiftly passed by as we simply made our way to that quiet…dark street.
Not even Julminae’s shop was open at this hour.
The rest of the district was distant from me, as Siranae stepped up to the house, unlocking and opening the front door. I stopped just behind her – I was following with lifeless steps that would have suited some… sad, dress-wearing automaton. For I had no energy or will to offer, beyond silent obedience.
The door was opened. Siranae, kindly as she was, put on the light in the front parlor.
A warm glow filled the space, bouncing off the lovely furniture, painting the carpet with its warmth…
And there, in the corner, having been delivered to the residence: A flat and square package, wrapped up… the painting I’d ‘won’ for so much money. Siranae glanced at it briefly… and even gave a small smile to herself seeing it again.
She was quiet, all the same.
I stared quietly at the package. In the wake of such despair, it was yet another reminder of my failures… but I said nothing. Siranae’s smile need not be disturbed.
What was supposed to be a triumphant return home was now…this.
And, as Siranae removed her slippers, she spoke the final words she would say to me that night:
“Ah…I feel quite full on the showcase food. I think I’ll retire early for tonight.” Her voice echoed dully off the flimsy walls. “Good night, Adelaide. Thank you for tonight.”
It was so…
…short. Curt.
I blinked, looking up to the girl as she spoke. Her words were a shallow grace, but I treasured them all the same.
I could not muster a response to that muted statement. Not while she stood in my presence.
All too quickly, the sight of Siranae vanished behind a closing door, leaving me in the front room by myself.
Once that door closed, I could only mutter a faint,
“Good night, Siranae,”
and nothing more.
No more words traded. Nothing else to offer.
The night simply…
…ended like that.
My lip trembled.
I turned to my bedroom’s doorway in a fit, paws shaking as I raised them to the drawstrings of my dress, frantically undoing them.
I needed clarity. I needed relief.
The air grew heavy and cold as I crossed the threshold of my room, my paws tapping on the cold flooring. The glow of the parlor did not reach far, and most of the room’s light shone through the window from the resplendent Illaminian District, whose music even now softly tapped upon the glass.
The colorful lights beyond quiet Hipisemi Street were as the sun shining down into the depths of my room, a cold and quiet oubliette from which I watched the world.
I could see other Poke’mon on the street outside, in the light. Walking in and out of buildings. Dancing and eating treats.
Some holding hands and laughing.
My weary eyes grew hazed at the light that pierced my darkened den. Once the drawstrings had been undone, I shuffled to the window, and drew shut the curtains.
I did not need my misery to worsen, at the burning sight of those gleeful souls.
Delicately but forcefully, I pulled up my gown, undressing as naturally as my new body would allow. These robes were tainted by my sin.
I tossed the dress aside, letting it flutter to rest atop one of the crates that still lingered in my room. I would store it more carefully tomorrow.
I had more important business in that moment.
My breaths rasped and hiccuped. I struggled to maintain myself.
Slowly, I came to the side of my bed… and kneeled.
My head hung low, as I clasped my paws in front of my chest.
In the low thrum of light and noise, still leaking into my home… I whispered.
“Soul of Christ, sanctify me–
Body of Christ, save me–
Blood of Christ, inebriate me–
Water from the side of Christ, wash me–
Passion of Christ, strengthen me.
Oh good Jesus, hear me–
Within Thy wounds, hide me.
Suffer me not to be separated from Thee.
From the malignant enemy, defend me–
In the hour of my death, call me,
and bid me come unto Thee,
that with Thy Saints I may praise Thee,
Forever, and ever.
Amen…”
The final syllable hung in the air of the dark room. It was an all-encompassing darkness, where eyes open or shut produced little difference.
What a silence. What an awful, deafening silence, as though my words had fallen upon deaf ears. I sat in a cloying void that swallowed my heart and my soul. The lonely air pricked at my back like chilled fire.
What was happening to me? I had erred much in my life. Others had spoken harsher to me for grander sins committed, surely, in all my seventeen years of God-gifted life. Why then? Why now?
What was this feeling…?
I winced, feeling that aching pain roar from within me. I could hardly stand it.
My… regret, and my sorrow. They had never been so severe.
And never had I been so far separated from my Lord, whose light and mercy could alleviate those harms.
Nonetheless… I pleaded.
“Oh, God…” I whispered into clasped paws. “Oh, merciful God. I beg for your forgiveness.”
My words grew weaker, yet I forced them out all the same.
“I have… been a sinful, wretched girl. I have strayed from the kindness and grace which you have bestowed on mortal men.”
I sniffled.
“I grew avaricious, in my desperation to return home. To return to you. In my horrid impatience, I let harm come to an innocent girl… a person that I know. And…”
My eyes squinted shut.
“A-and… such cruelty… upset my Dear Siranae- the one holy soul in this land of Arcea. The light which has guided me back to you…”
Water hazed my vision.
“I have failed her… I have failed to be the upstanding and just woman she deserves… I have failed to be a Christian in heart, when I have already lost it in body… and I have caused her to hurt…”
My forehead pressed into my paws.
“I am a wretched little thing… and now, she knows it. And not even your mercy can undo this…”
The cold heat of the room was choking. I could feel how it lapped against my wretched fur in this eternal, everlasting darkness.
And yet, most damning to me was the silence. To all my confessions, I was not met with words of absolution, but with silence.
There were no priests in Arcea. God did not touch this place of blinding gold and false idols. I was alone and trapped with my sin. It curled around my throat and clasped at it, tightening down to my aching heart and gutted stomach. And still, I was met with silence.
A wretched little thing crying a prayer to silence.
I was put through hell before my death. This ache and sorrow that gripped me must have been that – the whip of god. A chastisement never-ending.
I searched the depths of my aching heart. What gesture could set me right, on the path of the Lord? What could…
What could heal the damage that I had wrought?
What could make this right? What could ever restore me in the eyes of the Lord?
What could restore me in the eyes of Siranae…?
I whimpered.
Nothing.
My failure was… absolute. The damage could not be undone by me.
Only Siranae’s mercy could right this wrong. The absolution of my sin was not in my hands.
‘Unworthy.
I’m unworthy of forgiveness.’
I hissed between clenched fangs, as one of my paws grabbed the pillow from my bed.
I could not disturb Siranae with my sorrow.
I buried my snout deep into the pale fabric… and wept. Weak howls of despair were muffled beneath the feathers and folds. Drowned out, as they deserved to be.
Apologies were spat out from my desperate lips, over and over, to Siranae, to God, to no one in particular. All unheard.
There I sat. A girl, fallen from the grace of God. Unable to repent.
I did not deserve any better, it seemed.
To have fallen out of grace with a pure soul as Siranae…
…obviously meant my own soul was dark and wicked.
Forevermore…
…forevermore…
When the darkness came, I could not be certain. Darkness from the room? Closed, weeping eyes? Slumber? It mattered not for the night passed without dreams. Without a higher call. Without clarity or forgiveness or focus.
It came and went.
And uncomfortably did I open my eyes, cracked and covered in dust. My cheeks matted and covered in crumbly flecks…to say nothing of the area just below my nose.
And my eyes opened, to burning sunlight piercing through the curtains. The noise of the Illaminian District pounded at my aching, hazed head.
The covers of the bed did not even conceal my body – I had simply wept and slept atop them.
I could not hear nor smell the sounds of Siranae making breakfast. Likely at this time of day, she was already off to work.
And there, sitting beside my bed, Piera’s smirk felt almost…taunting.
I could barely meet the gaze of that portrait. Did I even deserve to look upon her countenance…?
I whimpered. Piera was not a cruel, condemning judge of the pitiful… were she here, she could be a comfort. Alas, I was alone.
Perhaps I deserved that, instead.
I rose. Sense and reason slowly returned to my callous heart. I had work to do.
I fetched some water, cleansing my face – I could not bring myself to spewing my own liquid, and using that to rinse. But still, I had to be a degree of presentable.
My reflection met me, in the gleam of a bright windowpane. The wretch herself.
She could be dealt with another time.
I took up my satchel, giving a disdainful look to my dress upon the crate, and headed out into Arceliaze. Even with my body cleansed… my sins remained.
Place: City of Arceliaze, Central Illaminian District, Hipisemi Street, House #2
Region: Central Arceali Valley
Day: Kontinuwavatch
Date: Zshima 58th
Year: 5th Turn, 12
The front door hit the side of the house as I left it, clattering. My paws crunched and sunk down into a thick layer of snow. Most of it was fresh, the clouds having just parted to make way for the sun, which shone as a long beam through the gap in the thick clouds.
Many Poke’mon beyond Hipisemi street were rushing to and fro in a large crowd. Workers leaving their homes to go out into Arceliaze to their jobs.
But just as I was about to melt into the crowd, unseen-
“Ijo! Cauphouspu! Gooood MORNING, Adelaide!!”
From behind me shouted a voice. A familiar, chipper voice from the store.
I froze.
‘Please… not today.’
Still, I couldn’t let appearances fall. If this community saw me in pieces, they could hardly think me reliable for work.
With a paw wiping my face, I turned, a calm but quiet smile shown to the shopkeeper. Facing her now…
…oh she was so very sunny today.
The little Timburr looked at me excitedly, her smile wide and spread over her face. There was a worryingly giddy twinkle in her eye and she looked to be practically bouncing.
“Aha… good morning to you as well, Julminae.” I said. “How is the day treating you? New qsufuvvo op nehebbopu?”
Showing off some of the terminology I had gleaned. Asking about her shop…
Anything to keep the conversation off of myself.
“Ooo…! Day – ‘treat’ me good!!” Julminae said as I approached. “Cold, cold this morning. Berries – almost frozen! But! Newspapers came in on time, good, good.”
The pamphlets and newspapers lay about her stand, just as with the groceries, snacks, drinks…even some toys.
“Few kids came by – good kids. From, ehhh…Caup Docu end of district!” I nodded slowly with her story… nothing could dampen her jubilance. Even in those brief moments, there was relief in watching her eager arm movements, choreographed to each part of the tale.
I hoped, in vain, that Julminae would simply continue to ramble about herself.
But, alas, Illaminians were not so.
“But! You, Adelini~?” Julminae began, leaning in, head resting on her open palms. “You go to big party, yeah?! Everyone say: you look so pretty in your big Illamini dress!! How did it go??? Me – never have money, no invite. But tiny sandwiches look so tasty!”
I almost flinched, as the story became a prying inquiry on my last night. My smile faltered.
Did she truly have to know my shame? My sin?
“Oh, the party… it was a lovely little affair, aha.” I held my paw to my lips, giggling with my dry throat. “The opportunity to show off my gown, that was just blissful. I do think I was a popular sort, in some manner…”
There was no need to bring up the infamy that now surrounded me. No need to discuss the painting.
“And the refreshments were satisfactory… but your sandwiches are a much more satisfying meal, dear Julminae.”
No need to mention what I did to my partner.
“But really, it was more about the art than any partying or merrymaking. Quite a stuffy event, yes?”
‘Was this being truthful to Julminae?’ My own thoughts invaded my mind. ‘Would Siranae have been satisfied with this…? Shall lies mount on my conscious on top of everything else? Oh but surely there’s no harm in a little white lie. It’s not even fully a lie, after all, it was lovely…wasn’t it? Surely I’m being truthful…right?
I know how Siranae gets when I’m untruthful.’
Each untruth weighed on my heart heavier than the last.
Each one, a mark upon my soul.
As I went on and on, Julminae only stared at me with genuine, earnest interest.
“Aww, true? My sandwiches good?” The Timburr sighed, disappointed. “Party sandwiches look…eehhh…clean! Clean cuts! I think: if it rich Pokemon food – surely it good to eat! If I afford tasty then they, too, surely!”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” My voice grew more hoarse. “Money can only do so much to supplement skill… but if you truly wish to try such sandwiches, I hope to help you procure some, in due time.”
‘Why do I feel so strongly the need to fabricate, to mislead? Even someone as simple as Julminae.
Even someone as kind as Siranae.’
Julminae giggled lightly, bouncing a bit to herself.
“Gosh, gosh! It must be dream, dream! Tio fewwisu evvseipvi, pup di fe tvaqosto dji va toe tvevu ququmesi!” The Timburr continued. “Seeing art – has to be fun! At least with friends? Walking, making fun of bad art, ey?? Sounds like fun!”
I struggled to keep up with the deluge of Illaminian words. But she understood the gist of events… in my fictitious reality, where there was some joy to be found at the showcase.
Julminae paused, leaning forward and looking up towards the sky.
“But, eyyy, you must be tired, tired! Up so late!” Julminae looked back down at me with a nod. “Oh hey! And uh…is Smeargle lady visiting again sometime?”
“P… perhaps, aha.” My laugh was frail. “She is busy with work affairs, but I’ll be meeting with her soon. I am just…”
My breath wavered.
“Very… very tired, from that night. H-hah.”
Lies by omission. Lies, all the same. But Julminae was not a priest and this general store counter was not a confessional. I was not obligated to reveal the whole of my heart to her and I wasn’t telling lies.
Simply not saying the whole truth.
Siranae would have her time to think.
And would see nothing has changed-
“Ehhh…you fine?” Julminae’s voice snapped me back to the present. All at once the sounds of the surrounding district seemed to flood into me as I was suddenly grounded. The Timburr leaned over the counter, her eyebrow cocked.
Lip quivering.
Voice hoarse.
Words stammered. Sentences trailing off.
Who wouldn’t notice something?
“Sound…thirsty. Need a water?” Julminae asked, pouring some cold water into a small saucer-cup and sliding across the counter. “Must be tired with how you act…big party, ehhh…so strenuous? Didn’t know…!”
My eyes narrowed, wincing. The stimuli of this vibrant neighborhood now needled my senses.
Judging eyes. Gossiping whispers. Poke’mon rushing to and fro, as Julminae’s innocent stare weighed upon my soul.
I could hardly think.
“I… would appreciate it, my friend.” My paws clasped on the sides of the cup, and I drank heavily, not a drop spared.
It could not quell the fire in my chest.
“If…” I rasped, lowering the cup to the countertop. “If it is no trouble… may I come inside, for a moment? I would… a-appreciate the respite, before work today.”
“Ey…?” The Timburr perked at the question, no doubt seeing my condition only worsen by the moment. “Y-yes, very…! I close shop and you come in!”
The Timburr gestured toward the red door to the left of the stand – the restaurant. Julminae pulled a few of the stands back as she reached up for the shutter.
“You – come in…! I make you something, eyy…chesto? Juice?”
“I’d quite like that- thank you…”
I rose from my seat, even as the guilt hung heavy on my body. With shallow steps, I paced into the sanctuary of Julminae’s eatery.
The warmth of the interior was hardly a comfort, even if it was more welcome than the frigid streets.
I didn’t deserve a comfort, regardless.
I didn’t deserve this mercy.
My eyes shut tight, as I tried, and failed, to stabilize the torrent within my heart.
‘You’re a sinner. And you know it. No matter how deep it is buried.’
The crunch of snow was replaced with the firmness of hardwood as I stepped into the restaurant. The only light came from the sun shining through the opening of the general store, but Julminae was quick to put on the lights, letting the cozy space fill with life once more.
The noise and bustle of the Illaminian district silenced as the door closed behind me, cold banished.
The world itself muffled…
…until it was only Julminae and I. Alone in the quiet, small restaurant.
There was a shuffle and a tapping. The Timburr produced two cups, setting out to mix me a chesto drink, warmed nicely with with frothy cream.
It looked and smelled so much better than anything at that wretched party. So much more full of life and made for the benefit of a friend rather than showing off the wealth of someone else.
“So…you…sure you okay…?” I heard Julminae venture as she finished making the Chesto drink, sliding it to me and preparing one for herself. The Timburr snatched some treats from the store’s shelves, hastily placing them on a slab of wood and setting it between us. Her concerned eyes fell upon me and her growing worry was obvious.
It was like I were falling apart in front of her, despite all my efforts. I barely made it out the front door before my facade crumbled to dust.
That…was unusual, was it not? To lack so much composure, to be so…out of control, try as I might.
“I not wish to say, but, ehh…you look terrible…” Julminae finished as she sat across from me, her own chesto drink in hand.
I took my seat – my body sagged against forward, in a manner most uncouth. My paws gripped the cup of Chesto tightly.
“I…” My dreary eyes drifted up to the Timburr girl.
‘More lies, Adelaide? Will a few more lies sate you?’
“…feel quite terrible, as well.” I sniffled like a penitent child, words shakier than before. Even for my sin… this collapse of my personality was incorrect.
Something weighed on me, far too heavily.
I sipped at the Chesto drink, rejuvenated just an ounce from its hearty flavor.
“If… if I am to tell you more… you must promise not to speak a word of it, to anyone else.” I rasped, albeit better hydrated than before. “Do you promise?”
Eyebrows raised. Julminae was shocked to hear, even more shocked to watch as I seemed to sink further and further into an unknown despair. The Timburr looked back, drawing a curtain to blot out the view of the street from the general store stand.
The windows had their shutters closed.
For a brief moment there was security. Silence and security.
Julminae pulled her drink closer, eyes wide and locked on me with worry and curiosity. She swallowed lightly, nodding.
“Promise. On my blood.” She whispered, quietly. Her voice barely traveled to my ears, much less beyond the thick walls of the restaurant. “Please, tell, friend…”
I let out a deep sigh. If only for a moment… there would be peace, here.
“I did a horrid thing, last night.” I kept my gaze low, as one must when confessing to sin. “I tried to avoid being noticed by a girl – a coworker of mine – at the showcase. And… my method of doing so, was blaming her for spilling wine on a man’s clothing. He…”
I shivered.
“Went at her, quite brutally, as a result. And… all the while, I only watched. I feared I would be judged, for striking at a businessmon and defending a server girl. I only watched.”
My voice fell to a whimper.
“And Siranae… Dear Siranae, she looked at me as though she witnessed some heartless criminal.”
Finally, I brought my gaze up to Julminae. If I was to overcome these feelings, I could not be a coward.
“I should feel awful, solely for what I allowed to happen… and yet, I feel worse for Siranae’s judgment of me. I’m so… foolish.”
Julminae listened close, sipping at her chesto drink and wiping her mouth with a paper napkin. Not once did her eyes leave me nor did her expression change at all, even as every sordid and contemptuous detail came to light.
When I finished, she clenched her teeth, sucking in a strained breath.
“Oogh…that bad.” Julminae muttered. “That ruin the ‘perfect night’, ey…?”
She frowned, looking down at the swirly, milky drink in her hands. She seemed to think for a moment before speaking.
“Why it so bad to be noticed by co-worker, ey…? More friends, no?” Julminae asked, only in genuine curiosity. “But…now Siranae mad? You both: so very close. No wonder you a mess…”
I whined, as Julminae recounted my failure. If nothing else, I could feel the tenderness with which she treated my sin. No disgust or malice rained upon me.
“It… is hard to explain. But…” My eyes slid to the side. “If that girl saw me… she would let others know that I am not a well-to-do socialite. That I am a laborer. And… the others at the showcase would have thought less of me. I feared that.”
I did not need to explain the depths of my business plans to Julminae. So long as I was honest… my conscious would not grow heavier.
The Timburr’s eyes lifted back up, looking at me. She seemed to drink in my guilty expression.
“But…you sure you only feel bad because Siranae…?” Julminae asked. “You think maybe…you feeling bad about girl you hurt? You: would feel bad if Siranae not there…yes? Surely?”
I met her gaze again.
“Of course I would. I didn’t wish to harm that girl, nor did I wish to leave her to that harm once it began. It was a horrible thing to do.”
I puffed, lips against the Chesto, while I drank again.
“It simply… stings so much worse, with Siranae’s disapproval. I feel irredeemable.”
“Oh no, no irredeemable.” Julmiae countered at once. “Back home in Old Illamini…eyy…priests say…‘Ti vavvo guttisu dupfeppevo e qiddesi qis tinqsi, emmuse pup do tesicci cotuhpu fio tedisfuvo i fihmo emveso.’ You know…if everyone irredeemable…why have priests and altars, ey?”
She shifted closer, frowning softly…but it was an expression laced with sympathy, not judgement.
“You not seem like Pokemon that likes to hurt Pokemon…should you pretend to be so? Even if you seen as ‘laborer’…?” Julminae shrugged. “Not understand business-y stuff. No high class thingies. But…”
The Timburr paused, taking a sip of her chesto as she seemed to gather her thoughts.
“Siranae ‘disapproval’…come from what you did, yes?” Julminae began. “So…what you did: more important.”
She waved a hand dismissively.
“I think: Arceus say guilt is specter that curse soul of guilty. But how make better thing in past…? Punish self? No, no, only adds hurt. Fixes nothing.”
Julminae shook her head.
“But: make sin better. Make joy where you made hurt. Make life as it was before you do bad…then…through desove…make life better.” The Timburr smiled warmly on me, leaning forward. “Then…Arceus smile on you.”
I let my eyelids droop. For as much as I detested relying upon the faith of Arceus once more… I appreciated what Julminae offered.
‘Desove’… some of the older Poke’mon used that word, when discussing my work in the Illaminian District. It would be… charity. And, to show charity for my wrongdoing would be… to repent?
No. Not simply repentance… but justice.
“What I did… was hide, while that girl suffered.” I clasped my paws together, wringing them slowly in thought. “And if I can mend that… then Siranae’s disapproval should wane.”
I sniffled, as my voice steadied.
“I have to apologize to her… and fix what I’ve done. She must be taking such a shouting from my employer, for the failure I hoisted upon her.”
I stared into Julminae. Perhaps my expression wasn’t happy… but resolve shone in my eyes.
“I’ll find her at work today. And I’ll make right on my sin.”
“Eyyy, good! Good!” Julminae clapped her hands together, scrabbling to catch her cup of chesto as she nearly knocked it over. “But – remember: you not mend. You counter bad done with good done. Acknowledge you do bad – you just a Pokemon, yes?”
Julminae smiled, nodding, meeting my resolute stare.
“Arceus: smile on you just fine…” Julminae said. “And, eyy…maybe Siranae do, too~! Ah, but…”
Julminae’s cheerful advice set my heart at more ease. I could freely drink from my cup, without fear that the milky substance within would choke me.
The woman paused a moment, taking a final sip on her chesto and tugging at her neck scarf.
“Now I listen to you…can you, eyyy…do favor? For me?”
“A favor?” I perked up, almost confused. “Well… you’ve been nothing but kind to me, dear Julminae- and you have given me such relief today. I would be happy to do a favor in return. What would be the issue?”
A strange tinge decorated Julminae’s cheeks. Her gaze wandered a little as she folded her hands together. Her mouth hung open as she seemed to take a long…long time to find the words.
“…you friend, ehh…Zerazani…”
She swallowed, her eyes falling back down to me.
“…she…single? She, ehhh…romantically involved? With anyone?”
…another flash of redness on her face. What was she so embarrassed about?
I yipped quietly, when that question came, which was met with a yip from the embarrassed woman in kind. She tried to calm herself, stroking a hand through her hair and coughing into her fist.
Julminae had… an odd fixation with the woman, indeed.
“Zerazani? She…” I fumbled over my words. So sudden, this girl was. “No, I don’t… believe Zerazani has ever pursued someone romantically. Much less talked about it.”
My eyes narrowed.
“…why do you ask?”
“Ehh…why I ask…?” Julminae stammered and blustered quietly. “I, eyy…well she…very…Eqqettoupevu? Cimmu? Ettisvowu…”
The last word seemed to renew the redness on her face. Where once she was so full of words and advice…all of a sudden her speech seemed clogged and sluggish.
“Think you…know why…” Julminae huffed, wringing her hands together. “I keep your, ey, ‘story’ secret…so keep my…‘efusesi’? My…love? Keep secret, ey?”
She paused a moment.
“…so…she come back sometime…?” Julminae asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper. “Would love…talk again, eheh.”
I squinted, struggling to grasp the words she used. Some compliment for the Smeargle’s fur- no, her appearance. The exact meanings were unclear… but the timid joy was evident.
All I could do was stare at her in utter confusion.
Her… love?
Did she know what she was saying, or had I misunderstood?
Were Illaminian friendships more bizarre than I’d once thought?
No. It was clear what the poor thing was implying.
“I… am surprised, I suppose.” I muttered to the girl. “Such a thing is-“
‘Sinful.’
“-uncommon, to me.” My face contorted, as I grappled with this discovery. “B-but…”
I sighed, drumming my digits on the Chesto cup.
“You’ve done me a kindness, and I owe you the same. I won’t tell anyone of those… feelings.”
“Aha…Zerazani: very uncommon indeed…” Julminae said softly, her fingers softly fidgeting with her now-empty cup. Now it seemed to be her turn to misunderstand. “…Is, ah…Arceans say ‘crush’. In Illamini it is ‘Qoddume efuseboupi’…I…feel silly.”
Despite her words, she had the biggest and warmest smile on her face. She looked like a woman contemplating her fancy of a suitor…
…if that suitor were…Zerazani?
At one moment a sage, at another a meek sinner… Poke’mon were such odd creatures.
I took an uneasy sip of the drink.
“As for talking again, I could… ask her to visit your shop, again. What with being so close to my home, it shouldn’t arouse any suspicion.”
“…Would like very much, Adelaide.” Julminae said with a soft little bounce. “Even if love is, ehhh…not…shared…by Zerazani…then just like talking to her. She…fascinating.”
I could only offer a half-hearted giggle, at Julminae’s innocence.
“I suppose that… sort of thing, can leave you feeling silly.” I replied.
My mind was plagued with discomfort. But… for the time, I had to ignore this side of my friend. I could not ponder the ramifications of this… female suitor-
I was sure the Timburr’s good nature could spare her from punishment. And her joy was far too much to snuff out.
“She is quite the interesting woman… I would say there isn’t a soul like her in Arcea. If…” I laughed anxiously. “If anyone were to return such a crush, I could imagine it to be her. She has the oddity to suit such a thing.”
“I hope so. Really hope so…” The Timburr sighed wistfully, her eyes trailing upward and fluttering.
Then, all at once, the Timburr seemed to jolt back to attention, pulled from her fanciful ruminations about…Zerazani, I could only assume.
“Ah! But – ! Keep you here long enough.” Julminae said, leaning forward to gently pat my paw. “You: Have work to do! Do good! Make things better!”
“Ah- yes, of course!” I chirped back at Julminae, eager to flee from the prior topic at any opportunity. “I thank you again for your kind advice, friend. I only hope that I may do right, by-“
I gritted out the words.
“By Arceus’s teachings.“
It always stung to pretend my faith was nothing.
With a polite shake of her paw, I turned with a renewed flourish- and a renewed spirit. The weight that plagued my soul, I could bear it now.
In a rush, I stepped out of the cozy restaurant, marching forth into the morning chill of Arceliaze.
“Goodbye!! And the good luck!!!”
~ CHAPTER 24 ~
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