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    An unexpected request to rescue one of Elvira’s friends pairs Arian and Elvira together. On this excursion, Arian gets his first taste of a Mystery Dungeon, along with Pokémon combat.

    Later that day…

    “Mmm…tasty,” remarked Zenobia, bringing the cup of tea away from her lips. “This is rather good for a first-time brew, Arian.”

    “Oh, it was nothing…” Arian replied. “I had Elvira watching over my shoulder the whole time. Really, if she wasn’t there, I probably would have messed the whole thing up.”

    It was now mid-afternoon, and Arian, along with Elvira and Zenobia, were enjoying a cup of tea in the living room that the Riolu had prepared with the guidance of Elvira. He seemed to know little about preparing tea, so the Treecko guided him through the process.

    She had calmed down, thankfully, from earlier. It seemed getting back into housework was all she needed. The presence of Arian, too, helped to cheer her up slightly, if only by a bit.

    “Preparing a cup of tea is simple, though,” Elvira pointed out. “You’ll get the hang of it quickly. …By the way.” The discussion about tea reminded her of something. “We’re out of tea leaves, Mom.”

    “…Oh.” Zenobia sounded disappointed. “…Oh well. I guess I’ll have to wait another while until you procure more. Though that’s easier said than done in these current circumstances…”

    “…I’ll see if I can find some,” Elvira offered. “You never know.”

    “It’s alright. I can live without tea,” the Heliolisk assured. “Don’t worry yourself about it, Elvira. Though if you could…even the cheap berry leaves would be okay.”

    “Berries, huh?” Arian noted. “They seem to be quite a staple in this world.”

    “”They are. Berries are found just about everywhere in Ardalion,” explained Elvira. “They come in all varieties and colours. You can make juice out of berries. You can use their leaves to make tea. You can even ferment them to make alcohol.” She then pulled a face. “…I don’t really like it, though. We only have it on special occasions in this house.”

    “Speaking of berries…how are we doing on them?” Zenobia wondered.

    “There’s still a good amount in the pantry,” Elvira said. “Maybe we should have a berry stew later. Then Arian can taste a wider variety of berries and see what he thinks.”

    “Hm. Wouldn’t mind that,” the Riolu considered.

    “…Anyway.” Elvira got up, and gathered everyone’s cups. “I’ll go and wash these.”

    “You want help?” Arian offered.

    “No thanks. I’m fine on my own,” Elvira turned down, before leaving for the kitchen.

    “There she goes…” Zenobia observed. “…She’s always tried to be independent. Even back when she was a little girl, she tried to be more independent-minded than other children would be. I suppose it’s because she had one less parent in the house. But I think it’s also because of…pressure.”

    “Pressure?” Arian was confused. “What do you mean?”

    “I’ve already said her father was a well-renowned mercenary. But I’m talking about well-renowned to the point that few didn’t know his name. Imagine, therefore, being born to him and planning to follow the same career path as him.”

    “…Ohhhh,” Arian said in realisation. “You think everyone’ll want her to be just like her dad?”

    “That’s what Elvira’s been thinking,” Zenobia confirmed. “It’s become a great fear of hers, especially with the recent events in Selenia. With everything that’s happened, it’s clear that people want a hero to rescue them from the clutches of Mitrofan. Some are even angry that Fernblade Kallias hasn’t come out of the woodwork to save them. And with this expectation, Elvira feels the need to step up to the plate. But she’s been having inadequate feelings recently.”

    “Really?” That, Arian hadn’t considered. “Those people shouldn’t expect so much…”

    “I don’t blame them, given the tumult of Selenia in recent years. But it’s only made Elvira’s anxiety worse. Coupled with the fact she hasn’t evolved by now…she’s been feeling down as a result of it all.” The Heliolisk was looking quite down herself.

    “She hasn’t evolved?” Another new factor for the Riolu to consider. Coincidentally, he was reading a book on the phenomenon. “Is that…not normal?”

    “I wouldn’t say abnormal. Some Pokémon within their species evolve sooner than others,” Zenobia explained. “I suspect Elvira’s just a late bloomer. But it can create jealousy, having to evolve later than others. …On that note, how’s that book you’ve been reading?” she brought up, seeing as how they were on the subject.

    “It’s…interesting. A bit hard to imagine, though.” The book in question was entitled The Basic Facts of Pokémon: Vol. 6, Q-T that detailed a variety of Pokémon, of which Riolu and Treecko were included in the book in question. Elvira had recommended it to him, and he’d been reading up on the unique facets of his species. But the topic of evolution had caught his eye. “Like…do Pokémon really just change form one day?”

    “They can indeed, through a variety of methods,” Zenobia explained. “It’s mostly a natural phenomenon, achieved through growth, age and training hard enough. Other times, it’s through interaction with a certain item, like an evolutionary stone. That was how I evolved. Evolution was certainly an unusual sensation to go through, and it is an adjustment getting used to a new body. But you always feel better for it.”

    “So for me…” Arian looked at what the book said about his species. “To become a Lucario…I have to ‘enjoy a moment of great happiness, with a partner whose bonds with me are as strong as steel’?”

    “Seemingly. I don’t know how every Pokémon evolves…but I do know about Lucario. They’re a much talked about species. Legends speak of their aura-sensing capabilities, and how they can manipulate those into attacks.”

    “Really? Not gonna lie, that sounds cool,” Arian said, interested. He looked at the illustration provided in the book, where next to the Riolu, there stood a similar canine Pokémon, albeit bigger and stronger. It had a cream-coloured torso with a spike at the chest, and spikes on the backs of its paws. Its feelers at the back of its head were also bigger and there were four of them instead of two like on the Riolu, and its ears were larger and more pointy.

    It resembled growth to him, and it was an interesting prospect to look forward to in the future.

    Though maybe let’s not think that far ahead. I only woke up in this body this morning.

    At that point, a bell rang. It seemed to come from the front.

    “The door? I didn’t plan on having any visitors…” she mumbled. She reached for her crutches, and prepared to get it.

    “I’ll get it,” Arian said. “Your leg’s still not right. You shouldn’t strain it.”

    “…If you could get the door, that would be great. Thank you, Arian.”

    “No problem.” And with that, Arian headed out of the room and to the front door, where he opened it.

    He blinked when he saw the visitor; a small Grass-type Pokémon with green colouring, three leaves atop its head and a white face. It was an entirely new face to him, and the species was unfamiliar to him. Elvira might know, the Riolu thought to himself. But she’s not here right now. I’ll just have to wing it. …Here’s hoping I don’t act weird.

    “Er, hello. Can I help you?” he asked.

    The face of the Pokémon, which was in fact a Petilil, a fact unknown to Arian, morphed into an expression of confusion. “Who are you?” she said. “A Riolu doesn’t live here! A Heliolisk and a Treecko do. I’m looking for Elvira, the Treecko. Please, it’s urgent.”

    “Right. I’ll get her,” Arian promised, before heading back inside. “Elvira! There’s someone at the door for you!”

    “There is?” Elvira’s voice sounded as she came out into the hallway. “Who is it?”

    “Elvira!” the Petilil called from the open front door. “There you are!”

    “…Flora? What are you doing here?” Elvira asked, walking up to the front door.

    “Looking for you,” Flora replied. “I need your help, Elvira, and I need it now.”

    “Why? What’s the matter?”

    “It’s Tamara!” cried the Petilil. “She went into Verdant Woods this morning, but she still hasn’t returned, and I’m…I’m getting worried! Elvira, you have to help me! Please!”

    “Verdant Woods? Oh no…Why’d she go in there?”

    “She forgot her locket there yesterday, apparently,” Flora answered, in a scathing manner. “Look, I warned her. But you know her; she loves that locket, enough that she won’t sell it for extra coin. But she hasn’t come back yet, and…and…please, Elvira, you have to find her!”

    “But…surely there are others better suited to this than me?”

    “They aren’t listening. Not surprising, given the way town is right now,” the Petilil criticised. “Everyone has their own backs to watch. They don’t have time to deal with a missing Pachirisu. …But the Thorned Roses don’t bother you as much, Elvira! Please, you have to! I’m no fighter, but you are!” Then she added, “You were always the strongest of the three of us…”

    “But I’m not strong…” Elvira looked down at the ground.

    Arian had been watching the conversation go back and forth. And gauging the Treecko’s reactions, he could understand what Zenobia was getting at regarding her self-esteem. I didn’t realise it was this bad, he thought. …But still. We have to do something.

    “Come on, Elvira. You can do it. This is your friend we’re talking about!” the Riolu encouraged. “Hell, if you want backup…then count me in! I’ll help you!”

    “You?” Elvira was taken aback. “But…you only woke up this morning, Arian. And you have amnesia…”

    “Doesn’t matter! That’s not gonna stop me! And you shouldn’t let your fears get the better of you, Elvira. Who cares what everyone else thinks?”

    “Yeah, what he said! …Whoever you are.” Flora turned her attention to Arian. “Who are you, anyway?”

    “I’m Arian. I’m…” He debated his answer. “Just a drifter. But that’s not important right now! We just need to go to Verdant Woods, wherever that is, and get your friend back. Simple! We’ll be back before you know it.”

    “But Arian…you’ve never been in a Mystery Dungeon. You don’t know how dangerous they can be…”

    “A Mystery Dungeon? …What’s that?”

    “Wait, what?” Flora reacted, aghast. “How do you not know what a Mystery Dungeon is? Have you been living under a rock all your life or something?”

    “Well, er…” Arian struggled for an answer. “…Look, Elvira’s friend is the important thing here! I’ll…figure out the answer on the way! Come on!” He began to make his way outside. “We won’t gain anything arguing here!”

    “No, Arian, wait!” Elvira called out to him. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into!” She ran outside after him, as he ran towards the road.

    “…A Riolu who’s never heard of Mystery Dungeons?” Flora puzzled, watching them go. “That’s a new one. Even hatchlings know what Mystery Dungeons are…”

    “Arian’s situation is…unique,” another voice cut in. The Petilil turned around, and saw Zenobia come to the door with her broken leg.

    “Oh, hey, Zenobia,” she greeted. “…Do you know anything about that Riolu? Who is he?”

    “…Come inside,” the Heliolisk offered. “I’ll fill you in on the details.”


    “We go right here,” Elvira instructed, when she and Arian arrived at a fork in the road. “Verdant Woods is a bit off the beaten track, away from the main road.”

    “Is it over there?” Arian asked, pointing to a series of trees further down the path they had taken.

    “Yes, it is,” confirmed Elvira. “And in that wood is the Mystery Dungeon itself.”

    “…Oh yeah…about that.” The Riolu turned to her, a curious look on his face. “What exactly are these Mystery Dungeons you speak of?”

    “…Mystery Dungeons…” The Treecko let out a long sigh. “How do I explain them? Mystery Dungeons are…strange places, to put it simply. Ordinary areas like forests and caves are essentially morphed into maze-like structures with multiple floors to them. And once you enter a Mystery Dungeon, there’s no way out until you traverse all of the floors of the Mystery Dungeon.”

    “…Okay…” Arian murmured, his brow furrowed in confusion. This, Elvira spotted.

    “…I know. I’m probably not explaining it the best. No one really knows how to explain them, though. They’re mysteries, enigmas that can’t be defined. No one really knows why they’re here or what they’re for. Perhaps to you, they’re mystifying, but…they’re a normal part of life here in Ardalion. You’ll see for yourself just what they’re like.”

    “…That’ll have to be it, I guess. Seeing is believing, after all,” the human-turned-Riolu replied.

    The two began to walk into a more wooded area. Arian looked around him. The foliage provided some shade from the sun, which made the woods somewhat cooler than outside. But strangely enough, for whatever reason…the trees seemed huge to him. They seemed much bigger than he was used to. Maybe this world has naturally big trees? the Riolu thought to himself. Or…no, wait. I know what it is. Could it be the fact that as a Riolu, I’m just naturally small? Was I bigger than this as a human? If so, then…

    Many questions bombarded the mind of the amnesiac human, a great number of which he had no answer for. But he did realise that his thoughtfulness was creating a silence from him, which he felt could create an awkwardness between him and Elvira. Arian didn’t want that to happen, so he decided to divert his thoughts towards their mission.

    “Are we in the Mystery Dungeon now?” he asked Elvira.

    “No. We’re definitely in Verdant Woods, but not the Mystery Dungeon itself. You’d know when you are,” the Treecko told him. “Hmm…ah! There’s the entrance.”

    Arian looked to where she pointed. Two trees stood dead ahead of them, their canopies hanging overhead. But between them, strangely enough…it was as if they couldn’t see clearly beyond the trees. It was like the path ahead had been obfuscated by some kind of shadow.

    “What is that…?” he muttered aloud.

    “That’s the Mystery Dungeon entrance,” answered Elvira. “…Once we go in there, there’s no turning back until we’ve reached the exit at the end. You sure you want to go in?”

    “Yes.” Arian had made his mind up about that. “I want to rescue your friend. Even if I have amnesia, that’s not gonna stop me.”

    “Then let’s go.”

    And with that, the two of them walked forward, into the shadowy woods.


    Verdant Woods

    1F

    Arian couldn’t quite describe what happened next. It was as if the moment they passed into the Mystery Dungeon, the surrounding area suddenly altered and changed into something completely different. Next thing he realised, he and Elvira were no longer in any kind of shadowy area, but in some kind of clearing that most definitely did not resemble the path on which they entered the dungeon on.

    “Whoa! What?” a baffled Arian remarked. “So this is the Mystery Dungeon, is it?”

    “Yes, it is,” Elvira confirmed.

    “…This is weird. Like, really weird. Wh-What? I mean, how does that even work? What kind of physics exist in this world to make this possible?”

    “…You see what I mean when I talked about them earlier?” Elvira reminded. “You’re not the first one to be confused by all of this. I was just like you when I first stumbled into my first Mystery Dungeon. It was here, actually. But luckily Dad was around, and he saved me.”

    “Getting out of here…Oh yeah, you did say something about no turning back, didn’t you?” Out of curiosity, the Riolu looked behind him, and was amazed to see just a cover of trees behind him, no entrance to be seen. “Oh…I see what you mean…”

    “Let’s go, Arian,” Elvira said. “The sooner we find Tamara, the better. The problem is…where exactly is she? She could be anywhere in this labyrinth…We’re gonna have to search everywhere thoroughly.”

    Elvira headed straight down the path directly in front of them, with Arian following close behind. They were out of the ‘room’, and in a ‘corridor’, as the Riolu labelled them. So this is a Mystery Dungeon… he thought to himself, looking around him. …It’s bizarre, alright. And yet this is considered normal in this world? …Boy, do I have a lot to get used to.

    His thoughts were interrupted when Elvira called out to him.

    “There’s a wild Pokémon ahead, Arian,” she informed him.

    “Wait…wild Pokémon?”

    “Yes. It’s only a Caterpie. I’ll deal with it.”

    Arian watched as Elvira dealt with the Bug-type. She struck it with her tail with Pound. The Caterpie immediately countered with Tackle, but Elvira was barely fazed, and delivered another Pound. That was enough to defeat it, and the bug lay on its side.

    “This place is filled with wild Pokémon like that Caterpie there,” the Treecko told Arian. “We’re gonna have to be on our guard. …Can you fight, Arian?”

    “…I guess. If I need to.” Arian held up his paws, trying to make fist like motions with them.

    “What moves do you know?” asked Elvira

    “…Moves?”

    “…Oh. You would’ve forgotten what moves you know,” Elvira murmured in realisation. “They’re like…special techniques Pokémon can use. Every Pokémon has the ability to use a number of different moves. They’re normally dependent on the type of Pokémon you are. You’re a Fighting-type, so you’ll be quite capable at using physical attacks.”

    “I’m a…Fighting-type?” queried a puzzled Arian. “…What does that mean?”

    “…Ah…” Elvira faltered briefly, realising that explaining basic concepts like moves and types was surprisingly more difficult than she would’ve thought. As well as that, the thought of rescuing Tamara came to her, and she cast a glance at the Dungeon’s entrance.

    This, Arian noticed. “…No, let’s not think about it,” he then decided. “Your friend’s more important than me figuring out what ‘types’ and ‘moves’ are. My questions can wait.”

    “Are you sure?” Elvira asked.

    “Yes. Besides…maybe I can learn as I go,” the Riolu reasoned.

    “I suppose this Dungeon is harmless enough that you won’t be in too much trouble,” the Treecko replied. “…Come on. Let’s go.”

    They continued down the hallway to another room. However, a look around the room revealed no exits.

    “It’s a dead end,” Elvira sighed. “…Well, back to where we started, I guess.”

    They made their way back from there. A thought came to Arian as they travelled through the labyrinth.

    “What does Tamara look like?” wondered Arian, as they started down the corridor. “What species is she? Just so I know who I’m looking for.”

    “A Pachirisu,” Elvira answered. “She’s an Electric-type with blue and white fur and a big, bushy tail. Tamara’s always been lively and chatty, and a great friend for most of my life. …But she also has a tendency to rush headfirst into risky situations without calculating just how risky that situation can be. Like right now.”

    “…How well can she fight?” Arian asked.

    “Well…good enough to hold her own,” admitted Elvira. “This Mystery Dungeon isn’t too difficult. This place would be too much of a handful for her. …But that’s the problem. She hasn’t come back yet…and that’s presumably what’s gotten Flora all stressed.”

    “So she could be just lost?”

    “…Could be. It’s not uncommon. Back in the day, when the Guild was still around, a lot of the mission requests would be to rescue Pokémon who’d gotten lost in Mystery Dungeons. It was one of the many ways my dad earned his keep. Still…Tamara’s not one to get lost.” Elvira frowned. “I hope nothing bad’s happened…”

    With that ominous thought, the two continued onwards. They found their way to another room, after a long corridor with multiple twists and turns. But at that room’s entrance lay a Pidgey, which caught Arian by surprise.

    “Ah!” he cried, not expecting the sudden appearance of the bird Pokémon. Instinctively, he launched a self-defensive attack, and struck the Pidgey with a Quick Attack. It returned a Tackle his way, and hit Arian in the stomach. But the Riolu countered with another Quick Attack, which brought down the Pidgey.

    “…Not bad, Arian,” praised Elvira. “You did alright there.”

    “…Could have done better,” the Riolu replied. “That bird got me in the stomach.” A bruise lay in the spot where it had struck.

    “Oh dear…Are you okay, Arian?” Elvira asked.

    “I think so,” Arian assessed. “It’s a small injury, nothing serious. Let’s keep moving.”

    The Treecko thought to protest, but ultimately said nothing. They walked on for another bit, the human thinking back to his encounter with the Pidgey. It occurred to him that he definitely used something foreign to him to be able to strike the Flying-type in so quick a manner.

    “So…did I use a move back there?” he asked Elvira.

    “Yes, you did,” she told him. “By the looks of it, it was Quick Attack you used. That’s a fairly basic move that most Pokémon learn. I know it too, in fact.”

    “I see…” Arian murmured. Armed with this new information, he and Elvira continued the search for Tamara.

    The two scoured the rest of the floor for the sight of a Pachirisu, and encountered a number of wild Pokémon along the way. They were dealt with in an easy fashion that even the inexperienced Elvira and Arian, who was still getting used to using his moves, could handle.

    But they encountered no sign of Tamara. And in the last room that they hadn’t searched…there was, oddly enough, in the middle of a forest, a set of stairs.

    “What’s that doing here?” Arian questioned.

    “It’s how Mystery Dungeons work,” explained Elvira. “There are multiple floors to each Mystery Dungeon, and each one has a similar maze-like structure to it, like what we just went through.”

    “Wait, so we have to explore more mazes?” Arian cried, groaning afterwards. “Great…just when we got done with that one. At this rate, it’ll be nightfall by the time we find Tamara…”

    “Well, we can at least say she’s not on this floor,” Elvira surmised. “So…up we go.”

    The pair started up the steps.


    Verdant Woods

    2F

    At the top of the stairs was another forest clearing. However, no sooner had Arian stepped off the last step that the stairs suddenly vanished into thin air, and the human found himself looking at a dirt floor.

    “…Okay…I guess that’s a thing in Mystery Dungeons,” he muttered. “And another labyrinth to explore…Say, about that. How many floors does this dungeon have?”

    “…Three,” the Treecko told him. “Verdant Woods is fairly tame. Some Mystery Dungeons have many times more floors than this one, and are much more dangerous.”

    “Well, thank goodness for that.” Arian was relieved to hear that. “Imagine having to comb ten floors to find Tamara, for instance. Or twenty? Hell, maybe even a hundred!”

    “Places like that do exist. There are Dungeons even my dad would never dare tread,” Elvira said. “Thankfully Tamara is in here and not in those places. On that note…let’s get looking.”

    And so they searched the labyrinth of the second floor, encountering many more narrow corridors, rooms with a number of different exits, and wild Pokémon. Again, they were taken down with relative ease, though one incident warranted mention.

    It was against a wild Wurmple. At one point, it had used String Shot on Arian. The Riolu had been caught unaware, and was completely taken by surprise when the silk wrapped around his legs. Trying to move only led to him falling ungracefully onto his face.

    “Agh!” he cried out, trying to get back on his feet with his hands. But he found he couldn’t; it was as if the silk had stuck him to the ground. He tried desperately to free himself.

    “Hold on, Arian!” Elvira called back. “Take this!” She slammed her tail against the Wurmple, which finished it off. She rushed over to her companion’s side. “Oh dear…you’ve got yourself stuck with the Wurmple’s silk.”

    “Urgh…it’s like glue,” he complained.

    “No kidding,” agreed the Treecko. “Wurmple silk is often used in glue around here. It’s a good adhesive. …Perhaps a little too good,” she added sympathetically, looking at her partner’s predicament. “Here. I’ll help you out.”

    She knelt down and grabbed some nearby dock leaves. She then used them to grab some of the gooey silk that was wrapped around Arian’s legs. Water would’ve aided her, but there was none nearby, so she had to make do. After some prying, Arian was finally unstuck from the ground.

    “…Thanks, Elvira,” he said gratuitously. “I’m sorry about that…”

    “No worries. Though…your fur around your legs is still a bit sticky,” she pointed out.

    “…Oh God…” he muttered in annoyance when he saw that indeed, his leg fur still contained some of the gooey, sticky residue from the Wurmple’s silk.

    “…Nothing I can do about that, I’m afraid,” Elvira apologised. “You’ll need to wash that off when we get to some water.”

    “…Alright. Anyway…onward with the search,” Arian said, taking his mind off what just happened and continuing down the corridor they were in. Elvira quickly followed after him.

    But a search of the second floor yielded no Tamara. Arian and Elvira found themselves at the stairs to the next floor.

    “Well, no Tamara on this floor,” the former surmised. “Shall we head up?”

    “Hmm…I hope we didn’t miss her,” Elvira hoped. “She must be further up. …Maybe she went all the way to the grove at the end? She wouldn’t be incapable of getting there…”

    “Then let’s go,” Arian said, and started up the stairs, with Elvira following him up them.


    Verdant Woods

    3F

    The third floor was much like the others, with the same forested look to everything. However, there was one notable difference that Arian spotted right away.

    “Look!” he pointed out. “The stairs are right there. That’s convenient.”

    “Not yet, Arian,” Elvira said. “Tamara might be on this floor. Let’s search it first. If she’s not here, she’s in the berry grove.”

    “…You know, something just occurred to me,” Arian voiced. “Should we split up to look for her?”

    “No! We shouldn’t do that,” denied Elvira. “This place is a maze that we could easily get lost in. The last thing we should do is split up. Not to mention, the wild Pokémon could corner us more easily if we were separate. Let’s stay together, Arian. We’re much stronger as a team.”

    “…Right. Forget I said anything,” mumbled the Riolu, slightly ashamed of his poor idea. He silently followed Elvira down the corridor in front of them.

    Another floor, another fruitless search. Though, in a way, it bore fruit, quite literally. A dead end was accompanied by a bush of oran berries, and Elvira picked a few, suggesting they rest for a brief spell. Arian agreed, particularly after he had received a gash from a Pidgey’s Peck. The oran berries helped to heal up his wound.

    “If only I brought a bag with me,” Elvira realised. “Then we could pick these and have them in that berry stew I promised I’d make for dinner tonight.”

    “Oh yeah…” Arian recalled, remembering what had been said earlier that afternoon.

    “I should’ve brought a bag with me, actually,” the Treecko went on. “It never hurts to have a bag of essentials when traversing a Mystery Dungeon. My dad never went on a mission without one. He would always bring the bare essentials with him, such as oran berries, max elixirs, geo pebbles, iron thorns…That was stupid of me to forget,” she lightly self-admonished.

    “Nothing we can do about that now,” Arian said. “Besides, we’re on the last floor, and we’re doing well. Any luck, and we’ll have Tamara out of here by sundown.”

    “…You’re right, Arian,” Elvira said, smiling at his optimism. “Come on. Let’s go find Tamara and get out of here.” She got up and headed out of the room, with Arian following her.

    They returned to the room they started in, and found the stairs that took them upward.


    Verdant Woods

    Grove

    Questions immediately arose in Arian’s head when he emerged to a location that did not look maze-like in the slightest.

    “Are we out?” he asked Elvira, once she had emerged.

    “…We’re at the end of the dungeon,” the Treecko answered. “Just ahead of us is the berry grove. It’s the only place we haven’t checked yet. If Tamara’s anywhere, she’s there.”

    “Well, let’s go then,” Arian initiated, and he and Elvira made their way down the path before them.

    As they did so, Arian couldn’t help but take in the natural beauty of the woodland around him. The air was clean, and there wasn’t any sign of pollution anywhere. Pure, natural, nearly untouched beauty, this was. Selenia truly is a beautiful place, he thought to himself. I’d love to explore more of it, if it’s like this everywhere else in the country.

    At that moment, however, the peace and stillness of the alluring forest was shattered by a distressed cry.

    “Get away from me, you creeps!”

    Arian was ripped from his thoughts by this exclamation. “Someone’s in trouble!” he said. “Was that Tamara?”

    “It sounded like her,” Elvira confirmed. “Come on, let’s hurry!”

    They hurried further in. As they got closer, they got a view of what was happening.

    A Pachirisu was being confronted by two others: a Dark-type Meowth and a Deino. The latter two wore some kind of red band around their arm and foreleg, bearing the insignia of a rose and thorns. They were also speaking in confrontational tones.

    “Your family hasn’t been keeping up with the rent,” the Meowth said. “And when that happens…prices have to be paid.”

    “We don’t have the money!” the Pachirisu protested. “And even if we did, your rents are stupidly high! How can anyone who isn’t loaded with cash pay them?!”

    “Shut up!” the Deino fired back. “You don’t get a say in the matter, wench! Pay up or suffer the consequences!”

    “You stop right there!” commanded Arian, choosing this moment to step onto the scene. Behind him, Elvira trailed. The latter was recognised instantly by the Pachirisu.

    “Ellie!” she cried out, surprised, but relieved. “You came! Please help me!”

    “Don’t worry, Tam! We’ll deal with these guys!” Elvira called, before turning her attention to the two rogues. In an instant, her face darkened. “Well…if it isn’t the Thorned Roses. Of all the people to run into…”

    “And just who are you supposed to be anyway?” the Meowth questioned. “A friend of the girl, by any chance?”

    “That’s no concern of yours,” Elvira returned coldly. “Stop harassing Tamara this instant!”

    “Who do you think you are to order us about, missy?” the Deino said indignantly. “And you too.” He directed this at Arian. “Don’t you know who you’re dealing with?”

    “No, I don’t,” Arian replied, drawing confused looks from the two ruffians. “I’ve never heard of you in my life.” Probably didn’t before the amnesia either, I bet.

    “Wait, what? You’ve never heard of the Thorned Roses?” the Meowth uttered. “Sheesh, do you not get out or what?”

    “Tch. Probably just some trash talk,” scoffed the Deino. “Don’t listen to him, Bruno. This guy’s probably some joker with a bag of tricks up his sleeve.”

    A bag of tricks? I wish, Arian internally snarked. But he held his tongue. “It doesn’t matter whether I know you or not,” he replied. “Harassing a girl for rent money, alone in the woods like this? Not on my watch!”

    “…You think you’re some big shot, do you?” the Deino scathingly said. “You wanna play the hero in times like these?”

    “…Yes. Yes, I do,” Arian responded unflinchingly. “Because someone has to. Selenia’s in a pretty bad place now, and someone has to step up to the plate and help out the common man.”

    “Ha! Big talk, Riolu,” disparaged Bruno, the Meowth. “But words won’t save you here. Actions are what count!” He unsheathed his claws.

    “…Fine then. You want actions?” Arian punched his fists together. “Then we’ll give you actions. …Come on, Elvira,” he said, turning to his partner. “Let’s knock some sense into these ruffians.”

    “…Sure.” The Treecko didn’t sound quite so confident, though. Regardless, she still readied herself.

    Both duos gazed at each other, daring each other to make the first move. But eventually, it was Arian who walked slowly towards Bruno, before initiating with a Quick Attack and landing a hit on the Meowth.

    “Argh!” the cat cried out. “You got lucky, Riolu. But that was only one hit. Take this!” He launched a Scratch at Arian, cutting the canine with his sharp claws and eliciting a wince from him.

    Meanwhile, Elvira landed a Pound on the Deino. In retaliation, the dark dragon snapped back with a Bite, which narrowly grazed the gecko’s side.

    They mean business, Arian realised. They shouldn’t be trifled with, these two. But if we fight hard enough, then…victory will be within our grasp, surely. Just got to keep at it with bringing down these two.

    Bruno came at him, claws bared. He brought up his paws, and dashed forward as well.

    The Scratch landed, but Arian took the hit, and punched the Meowth as hard as he could. Bruno staggered backwards, clutching where he’d been hit.

    “Damn you, mutt,” he hissed. He went in to try again, but Arian cut him off with a Quick Attack.

    “I can do this all day!” he called to him. Indeed, that was a strange sensation – he didn’t feel like he was running short on energy.

    Bruno let out an annoyed snarl and went in again. Arian did the same.

    He didn’t land the hit exactly like a punch – it was more like a swipe. However, this was soon a new discovery for him. His claws suddenly gave off a metallic sheen, and he slashed at the Meowth harder than before.

    “Agh!” he cried. “Metal Claw?”

    “Metal Claw…” Arian was amazed. Another new move… He shook this thought off for now; he had a battle to win. So he moved in again, and once again, his claws turned metallic and slashed at his opponent.

    “Grrr! You’re really pissing me off!” growled Bruno, hissing at the wound. “Hey, Vivian! Deal with this fuck for me!”

    “Kinda busy myself!” the Deino replied, before breathing a Dragon Breath at Elvira. The Treecko dodged to the side, and struck him again with Quick Attack. “Dammit! You deal with her! You’re fast!”

    “Urgh! Fine!” Bruno yelled. “You deal with that ball of fur!”

    You’re one to talk, Arian inwardly snarked. But he adjusted to the changed circumstances and found himself facing the Deino named…

    “Vivian?” he asked the Deino. “Did I hear that right?”

    “Yeah. And? What’s it to you?” huffed Vivian.

    “…You are a boy, right?”

    “Oh, for the love of – Vivian is not a girl’s name!” shouted the Deino, clearly annoyed. “It’s unisex! How many times do I have to tell that to everyone?!”

    “…Really?” the Riolu queried sceptically.

    Yes, it is!” yelled Vivian, visibly frustrated. “What would you know anyway, you stupid idiot?! You haven’t even heard of the Thorned Roses! You’re just a wannabe hero with ideas above his station! You don’t know a damn thing! You’re noth – “

    He was interrupted by a Quick Attack from Arian.

    “Be quiet, would you?” he remarked. “There’s a story there…”

    “None of your business! Now shut up!” Vivian roared. He shot forward and Tackled him with great force.

    “Oof!” Arian cried, the wind knocked out of him as the Deino’s Tackle pushed him to the ground, the Irate Pokémon remaining on him. “Get off me!” he yelled at the Deino, managing to push the dragon off him with a Metal Claw.

    “Fuck you!” snarled Vivian, firing Dragon Breath at him. Arian couldn’t dodge it in time, and felt the blast of breath.

    “Ugh!” He tried to bear it, and struck back with a Quick Attack. The Deino staggered back, his Dragon Breath fizzling out.

    Arian happened to take a glance at Elvira’s side of the combat. She seemed to be holding her own well enough, with Bruno’s irateness carrying over. This time, it was the annoyance of Elvira using Absorb to regain her energy from the wounds he dealt to her.

    “You’re getting on my nerves, you bitch,” growled the Meowth.

    “Good. It means I’m doing the right thing,” Elvira riposted, before dashing forward with Quick Attack.

    She stopped herself from jumping back right away, though, and managed to fire off another Absorb, draining the Meowth’s energy.

    “Gah!” In retaliation, Bruno used Bite on her, eliciting a cry of pain from the gecko.

    “Elvira!” Arian cried. He saw the dark cat move in for another attack. “Oh no, you don’t!” He ran forward to defend his partner.

    He didn’t notice the glowing energy coming from his right paw. As Bruno closed in on Elvira, Arian jumped forward, and slammed his paw against the cat’s side. The blow felt powerful, more powerful than the attacks he had been dealing, and satisfying.

    “Aaaaaaaargh !” Bruno certainly felt the power behind it, as he was thrown back by the sheer force of it. “Ow, ow, ow…”

    “Whoa…What was that?” Arian murmured in wonder.

    “Arian!” Elvira snapped him out of his thoughts. “Look out!”

    The Riolu looked to his left to see Vivian running towards him in an enraged manner, another Dragon Breath ready to be unleashed. He was about to fire…

    …But Elvira cut him off with a Quick Attack, and the Dragon Breath skewed away from its target.

    “You hurt Bruno!” Vivian was visibly enraged. “You’ll die, furry bastard!” He but Arian moved out of the way in time. That didn’t deter Vivian, though; the dark dragon chased him down, intent on great harm.

    Hmm… Arian had a thought as he ran from the dragon. Maybe…I could use his anger to my advantage.

    He observed Vivian’s movements. They were indeed fuelled by his anger, but in turn, Arian noticed that it was clouding his judgement and in turn, was making it harder for him to locate the human and sink his fangs into him. Yes, that’s it. Act calm and rational, as opposed to his rage-filled anger. Then perceive his next move…

    The Deino unleashed another Bite. However, the rage he felt from Arian’s insults of his name caused him to miss his target again.

    …And strike.

    Arian felt a force build up within his paw. He capitalised on the opening given to him by Vivian and struck him in his side in a hit that he felt was a tad more powerful than what he had been dealing.

    “Agh!” Vivian cried in pain. “What the hell? I-I can’t move!” He tried to move, but collapsed to his stomach. Elvira capitalised on this with a Quick Attack, weakening him further.

    “Viv!” called Bruno, who was struggling after the blow from Arian. “Shit…This ain’t good. We’re getting trounced…We gotta retreat.”

    “Retreat? N-No!” refused Vivian. “We can’t face Mik like this!”

    “I know. But living to fight another day’s always more important,” Bruno countered. “We need to get away from them.”

    “Grr…you’ll regret this!” Vivian seethed, turning his attention to Arian and Elvira. “You’re gonna regret ever making an enemy of the Thorned Roses!”

    “Hey! You’re not getting away!” Arian yelled, beginning to run towards them.

    But at that moment, Bruno produced two spherical objects, and threw them to the ground. Smoke billowed everywhere, making Arian and Elvira cough relentlessly. When the smoke settled, the two were gone.

    “Dammit!” raged Arian. “They got away…”

    “…Oh well,” Elvira said. “At least we managed to overcome them. I almost didn’t think we’d be able to. …But you surprised me, Arian.”

    “Did I?”

    “Yes. Especially with your Force Palm. That was the move you used near the end of that brawl,” Elvira explained. “That really helped to turn the tide in our favour.”

    “…I guess it did.” Arian looked at his paws. Guess there’s a lot of power in this new body of mine. More than I would have thought…

    “…Oh! Right!” Elvira suddenly remembered. “Tamara!” She looked around the grove for her friend. “Where are you?”

    “I’m right here, Ellie!” The Pachirisu in question stepped out from behind a bush.

    “Are you okay, Tam?” the Treecko asked, worried.

    “I’m fine!” Tamara assured. “No broken bones, at least. You came at a really good time; if you’d been longer, they almost certainly would’ve roughed me up. Thanks so much, Ellie.”

    “…Don’t thank me.” Elvira grew solemn. “I let my fears of being inadequate get to me again, and I nearly didn’t come out here. If it wasn’t for Arian…” She looked to the Riolu. “…I might never have come.”

    “…It’s fine, Ellie. It’s alright to be scared in times like these,” soothed the Pachirisu. ” I mean, I was hesitant to come here too, but…I had to find my locket. Plus, I figured it’d be a good place to hide out from the Thorned Roses. …But they found me anyway. Silly me thinking this was a good hiding place, huh?” she grinned sheepishly.

    “Did you find the locket?”

    “Sure did!” Tamara held up the item in question. “It was over there.” She pointed to a distant berry bush.

    “That’s good to hear.”

    “So, Ellie…” A teasing grin came onto the electric squirrel’s face. “You wanna tell me about your new boyfriend?” She gestured to Arian.

    “Boyfriend?! No!” Elvira immediately rejected. “We only met this morning!”

    “Just joking, Ellie. But seriously…who is he?”

    “My name’s Arian.” The human chose to speak for his partner. “Elvira rescued me yesterday, and so I’m staying with her right now.”

    “You and Ellie fought really well together!” praised Tamara. “Almost like you were a real mercenary team!”

    “…Mercenary team?” Elvira sounded nervous as she repeated the words.

    “I don’t know if we were that good,” Arian voiced. “I only came as backup for Elvira, nothing more.”

    “But you still fought well together! And Ellie…you always said you wanted to be a merc at the Guild when we were kids,” the Pachirisu went on. “Now you’ve got an ideal partner!”

    “And Tam…you know I can’t be a mercenary anymore,” Elvira refuted. “The Guild’s a thing of the past, and Mitrofan’s intent on keeping it that way. There’s no registry anymore, and the closest alternative is joining the knights. And I refuse to go down that path.”

    “…Hmm…” Arian pondered about this. “…Can I ask a question, Elvira?”

    “What is it, Arian?”

    “…Do you have to join a guild to be a mercenary? It doesn’t have to be that way, does it? Like…is it possible to be a freelance mercenary, maybe?”

    “Well…possibly.” Elvira considered Arian’s question. “It was never viewed as optimal, though, given all the connections you would have if you were a Guild member. And also…being a freelance mercenary’s still not a good idea. If you were to go around claiming that in Selenia, the knights under Mitrofan would no doubt clamp down on you.”

    “…Well, let’s not do that. We could do mercenary things and not say we’re mercenaries,” Arian argued. “That’s a solution, isn’t it?”

    “Mmm…” Elvira still didn’t sound sure. Then she recalled what he’d just said, and one detail stuck out to her. “Hold on a minute…’We?'”

    “…Yes, us,” Arian revealed. “I was thinking…is this the kind of work mercenaries do?”

    “…One of the things, yes. There’s also finding lost items, cornering outlaws, escorting clients, finding materials…among others,” Elvira listed.

    “Hmm…if that’s the kind of work mercenaries do…then I’m interested,” the Riolu said. “It’s a way I could be useful in this world, rather than lazing around at your house doing nothing.”

    “Y-You don’t have to look at it that way, Arian,” Elvira assured him. “You’re welcome to stay at my house for as long as you want.”

    “I know. But I want to be useful too, y’know? I don’t want to be a burden,” Arian expressed.

    “…I suppose. But what do you mean by ‘we’?” Elvira asked, backtracking to an earlier point.

    “Isn’t it obvious? You and I, on a mercenary team together.” Arian gestured between them.

    “…Wh-What?!” The Treecko had a feeling that would be what he would say, but she was still shocked all the same. “M-Me?!”

    “Yes. You always wanted to be a mercenary growing up, like your mom and Tamara said,” Arian reasoned. “But Zenobia’s saying you’ve been having problems with self-esteem. About fearing high expectations of you because your dad was so famous. Being scared that you won’t live up to what people expect of you.”

    “…H-How much did Mom tell you…?” Elvira mumbled in shock. The Riolu had hit most of her fears square on the head.

    “If you’re frightened of those things…if you’re held back by your fears…then I’ll have your back,” Arian promised. “I’ll be there to shoulder those burdens. I won’t let anyone say anything bad about you, Elvira. …What do you say?”

    Elvira didn’t say anything right away. She was still stunned by Arian’s offer, but was considering it. I’ve always wanted to help people like Dad, she thought to herself. And without the Irian Guild, and Mitrofan causing more problems…there are more people than ever in need. They could really use the help of mercenaries…like what Arian’s proposing to me. I never pictured this would be how I became one, but…

    Even so…is that really what I want now? In this Selenia? There’s a real possibility we could be caught, and that would not end well for us. Arian’s still naive to how serious the situation is in our country. If we gain a following, in the fashion of Irian Guild mercenaries…then it could very well be our undoing. We’ve also only done one fight together. That’s not enough to say we’re a dream team.

    “Your offer’s convincing, Arian. But…I need time to think it over, and to get an opinion from Mom,” she decided to say. “There’s a lot to consider.”

    “Oh…” Arian murmured disappointedly.

    “I appreciate the offer, though,” Elvira added. “Thanks for looking out for me, if nothing else.”

    “…You’re welcome.” The human looked to her, and then to Tamara. “Um, we found Tamara. Will we go?”

    “No, not yet.” Elvira remembered something else. “You remember how I said we’d prepare a berry stew tonight?” She gestured to the wealth of berry bushes in the grove. “No better time to pick some for it. Maybe replenish our stocks too. Tam, do you have a bag on you?”

    “I do, actually.” The Pachirisu produced a bag. “It was to collect goodies with. But you can have it, Ellie.”

    “Thanks.” Elvira took the bag from her. “Oh, Arian? There’s a pond in the grove. You can use it to wash off the silk on your legs.”

    “Oh?” Tamara looked and noticed the residue on Arian’s legs. “Did a Wurmple use String Shot on you?”

    “Yes.” The Riolu was embarrassed to admit it. Without a word, he went off to find the pond in question.

    “…Well. That happened,” Tamara remarked. “He’s interesting. I like him.”

    “…So do I,” Elvira admitted. “He’s grown on me. Even if I’ve only known him since this morning.”

    “How’d you two meet?”

    “Well…” The Treecko considered her answer. “I know this might sounded hard to believe, but…” And so she relayed the events of yesterday and that morning to Tamara, even the more unbelievable parts, while they went around picking berries off the grove’s bushes. By the end, the Pachirisu was in disbelief.

    “What? Arian’s…a human?”

    “Yes, Tam. That’s what I said.”

    “But that can’t be! Humans don’t exist! They’re mythical!” Tamara replied. “And yet, Arian says he’s one?”

    “He didn’t look like he was lying, Tam. And I doubt he’s lying about his amnesia either. He doesn’t look to be the lying sort.”

    “And he has amnesia too?” The squirrel looked sceptical. “It’s oddly coincidental. I bet Flora’ll pick him apart when we get back to your house.”

    “She will, knowing her,” Elvira replied.

    “Who knows? He might have a dark, secret past that you’ll have to find out,” Tamara joked. “He better not be faking, though. If he is lying to you, then promise to leave him immediately, alright?”

    “…I’ll keep that in mind.” Elvira didn’t think that would happen. Still…not impossible.

    “I hope he isn’t. Because he’s a guy. That might be something to think about. Right, Ellie?” Tamara winked at her friend.

    “…Oh.” Elvira realised what she was getting at. “I’m not looking for him to become my boyfriend, Tam. If we do become a team, love won’t have anything to do with it.”

    “Lame.” Tamara pouted. “You’re not gonna even try with him? You’ve been thrown a bone, Ellie! Take it before other girls snap him up!”

    “I know you love romance, Tam. But not all merc teams form out of love. And this one will not, if I say yes.” Elvira was about to say more, but then she saw Arian come up to them. “Did you wash the silk off?” she asked.

    “As much as I could.” Arian looked at his legs. “That’s as good as it’ll get, I think.”

    “We’ll leave, then. This bag’s just about full,” Elvira informed, showing a fairly bulging bag of picked berries. “There’ll definitely be enough for a stew, and more to stockpile for the next few days.”

    “Yeah, it’s good to stock up,” Tamara recommended. “Good to get these things and not have to go through the merchants.”

    “Oh yes…They can be a pain,” Elvira replied.

    “There was one we found six years ago that was mean as anything,” the Pachirisu went on. “He was selling his stuff at rip-off prices. Then my dad – you know how he is – got into this massive argument with him, and before you know it…”

    The conversation went on as they made their way out of Verdant Woods. Arian looked over at Elvira, listening intently to her friend’s anecdote. He thought back to what she said earlier, about needing further thought on the idea of forming a partnership with him.

    I hope she says yes. She’s not weak. She can become a mercenary, fulfilling her dream, and I can find a path forward in this world. If we bond together as a team…we might be able to make a difference.

    I will shoulder your burdens, Elvira. Please, overcome those fears….

    The term ‘mercenary’ is essentially this story’s version of ‘rescue team’ and ‘explorer’ used in previous Mystery Dungeon games. I plan to expand on the lore of the term later on in the story.

    Vivian’s name was an idea that came to me about a male character whose feminine-sounding and supposedly unisex name would derive mockery from others. I chose Vivian as I feel it’s a unisex name that we mainly associate with women these days. Meredith was also a name that came to mind for this, but I ultimately chose Vivian in the end.

    That’s all for now. See you all next time!

    2 Comments

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    1. Jun 26, '24 at 4:46 pm

      Here’s your P-Wheel review! I read up through the first three chapters, and I’ll probably end up reading the rest at some point down the line (but as a reader, rather than a reviewer).

      The number one thing I want to compliment you on is the world you’ve built. You clearly put a lot of thought into the geography and history of Ardalion, and even from the small glimpse of it we see from Elvira’s house, it really shows. A lot of different locations were hinted at in Chapter 2, and each of them seems to have distinct cultures that go beyond generic archetypes like “desert region” and “grassland region,” which is already more effort than the actual PMD writers put in. It’s easy to neglect worldbuilding (i know i sure have!) because it isn’t as important as your characters or plot, but having such a rich and lived-in world for your characters to run around in makes the story so much more gripping and immersive.

      However, that does lead me into one of my biggest critiques of the story, that being the excessive amount of exposition dumping. There are several “the story stops so that Elvira can explain the worldbuilding to you” moments, but the most egregious example is in Chapter 2, where the plot screeches to a halt to list out ten different (and mostly irrelevant, by your own admission) historical figures. Readers can only handle so many proper nouns at once before getting overwhelmed, and this definitely crosses that line. While I understand that you are proud of the world you crafted (which you should be, by the way!), the reader really doesn’t want or need to know any of this at the moment, especially this early on in the story.

      That scene in particular would be improved if you replaced those ten full profiles with a single paragraph of Arian scanning through the names until he landed on his favorite (occasionally dismissing one or two of the more plot-relevant names with more detailed citations from their biographies), and I would also apply this to the next part, where Elvira explains what all of the countries in Ardalion are like. Again, too many proper nouns at once will overwhelm the reader, and most readers will likely forget all of this by the time any of it becomes relevant. I’d just replace these descriptions with a “Elvira pointed out a bunch of countries on the map” and save the in-depth descriptions for when the reader has a more specific reason to care. Sometimes, if a passage doesn’t contribute anything useful, the best choice is to cut it, even if you really like it. Kill your darlings, as they say.

      On the topic of those early scenes though, I will say that the slower pace you went with gives the reader a better opportunity to learn who the protagonists are and what makes them tick, which was a great choice. I felt that Arian arrived and shook everything up at just the right time: any later and things would’ve gotten boring, any sooner and you wouldn’t have been able to use the tired monotony of Elveria’s life to set the oppressively bleak tone, which was very effective. Speaking of tone, the way that it subtly shifted slightly away from the gloom and doom that dominated Chapter 1 when Arian’s go-getting attitude lifted Elvira’s spirits was impressive to see from someone who was so new to writing at the time. Tone and pacing are incredibly easy to neglect while writing prose, but aside from the awkward exposition dumps I discussed earlier, you did a great job managing both.

      There were some issues with the prose, of course, and while anyone who read Trailblazers (read Trailblazers!!) could tell you that I’m far from qualified to analyze your prose in detail (not that I really need to, Doom already did a pretty fantastic job of that in his ao3 review), there’s one major pitfall I noticed, and it’s the tendency for dialogue tags to be way too thesaurus-y. For reference, your first chapter is almost 3,000 words and you only used “said” one time. There are so many English teachers who will tell you to avoid the word “said” at all costs, and there’s a special place in hell for each and every one of them. The word “said” is arguably the most useful one you have at your disposal for dialogue writing. It’s invisible: readers will expend no brainpower in processing that word, and they’ll instead focus on the things your characters are saying. When you use dialogue tags like “denied Elvira,” the reader pays attention to it because you chose to use a word other than “said,” and this is good when the dialogue tag affects the way the dialogue should be interpreted (as an example, the phrases “Now you’ll never win the baking competition,” Grandma sobbed and “Now you’ll never win the baking competition,” Grandma taunted carry completely different connotations), but when the reader can already infer that Elvira is denying something from the dialogue itself, this tag becomes distracting. Generally, it’s good practice to deviate from “said” or “asked” in order to place emphasis on certain pieces of dialogue, rather than doing so to avoid repetition (which isn’t an issue with “said” because, as I said before, it’s invisible).

      Moving on from my crusade against said bookism, my last major negative critique is regarding the fight scenes. The fights in Chapter 3, especially toward the beginning, felt very stiff and dry, to the point where they felt more like autopsy reports than fight scenes in a novel. A lot of this stems from an overreliance on using move names instead of describing their impact or how it feels to use them. For example, “She struck it with her tail with Pound” sounds very clinical because the only thing that we as the readers observe is her action, instead of the sensation of that action and its result. A revision like “She flipped into the air and slammed her tail into the Caterpie’s face, sending it flying back” still technically conveys exactly the same information as yours did, but the revised sentence feels more dynamic to read because more emphasis was placed on feeling.

      The Thorned Roses showdown was an improvement (likely because Arian’s inexperience forced you to describe his moves instead of just saying them), but there’s room for improvement. Take Vivian’s Dragon Breath, for instance. Yes, Vivian does, in fact, use Dragon Breath, but what does “using Dragon Breath” look like? What color is it? Is it a beam of energy or something closer to a flamethrower? Does Vivian have to do something to prepare himself to attack, or is it as easy as breathing normally? You can get away with a simple “Vivian used Dragon Breath” if you’ve already answered those questions, but as is, the only mental image I got from that scene was a Pokémon Showdown double battle with move animations turned off. There are other smaller prose issues, such as repetitive word choice and an overuse of ellipses, but Chapter 3’s prose quality would dramatically improve just by being a little bit more descriptive during the fights, especially the early ones.

      Now that I’ve said everything I have to say about the prose, and I don’t feel far enough along to talk about the plot, I’ll cap this off by talking about the characters, of which I’m already a huge fan of. Elvira’s strong desire to make her dreams come true, coupled with her profound fear of not being good enough to do it, makes her a compelling enough for the readers to root for her, which is crucial for a protagonist. And Arian, with his supportive and often naive nature, is a perfect foil to her, which is probably why their dynamic is so fun to read. I am getting the vibe that Arian’s going to be the one pushing the plot forward most of the time, so I’m hoping that Elvira continues to get opportunities to make decisions and be an actionable character in her own right, and that her plotline doesn’t end up falling to the wayside. I’d normally wish for the story to get moving sooner, but both lead characters are engaging enough to where I’m okay with things taking a while to get going.

      Overall, I loved what I read (I would not have written 1,500 words about it if I didn’t), and I will definitely continue reading when I find the time to. These chapters are pretty old, so I’ve got a feeling that many of my criticisms have probably been addressed already. I’m excited to see where the story goes from here now that they’ve made a seemingly powerful enemy in the Thorned Roses, and I’m especially interested in seeing how Arian reacts once he sees how dire things are in person, and how that affects the optimistic outlook he currently has. I’ve already written five times as many words as I intended to, so I’m going to wrap this up and say that this story is really good, and I’ll bet it’s only going to get better as I read.

      p.s. i unfortunately will be joining the mitrofan simp brigade. i know literally nothing about him except for how he is evil and violent and a powerful man, but honestly that’s all i need. no i’m not in therapy why do you ask
      1. @neffrey43Jun 26, '24 at 4:52 pm

        now that i think about it, there is something ironic about writing a 1.5k word review where my very first piece of critical advice was “cut out things that are unnecessarily long”