Shtomp, Sheep, and Sinker

Knock knock.

Andrew scampered over to the door and opened it up to find a Bisharp. Contained within the guards’ hands were three more envelopes. 

Goddamnit.

“Thank you,” he muttered, before grabbing the letters, shutting the door, and walking back to his desk. Andrew added them to the pile which had begun to mount on top of his workspace. White envelopes all addressed to ‘President Andrew Marshtomp’ stared him in the face and begged to be opened.

He ripped one open and began reading out loud, in a monotone voice of clear disinterest. “Andrew Marshtomp, blah blah blah. Could I have some cash? You promised me cash because I’m an ungrateful dumbass who relies on your omnipotent kindness. After all, I’m such an ungrateful dumbass. I’m not saying that number out loud.

Sincerely,

Amadeus Gogoat.”

Andrew threw his head back, yelling in a cartoonishly loud voice. “Why is my life so hard?”

He shoved the paper back in the envelope and placed it back down. Ever since the closure of the Grandeport Guild, it seemed more and more letters arrived in the mail not just asking, but demanding money for some favor that had been done some eternity ago. 

Andrew only grew more weary with each knock at the door. He couldn’t help but rub his fingers together and tap his foot against the ground, feeling an invisible weight beginning to press down on his back with each new envelope. 

What will these people do if I don’t give them money?

The image of a gigantic herd of Gogoats rioting in the streets of Grandeport seized hold of Andrew’s mind. The city had been set ablaze, there wasn’t a building in sight that wasn’t destroyed or on fire. The sky had been stained a blood red.

Children-Pokemon cried at the sight of stampeded parents.

The horror!

Beedrils flew in with the clouds and began to carpet bomb the dilapidated streets of Grandeport.

The horror!

“Andrew! Andrew!” The townspeople chanted in rage. They waved posters of his face and held up crudely strewn together Marshtomps dolls. The objects too were also set ablaze, turning to ash in an instant.

The horror!

Andrew shook his head, snapping back to reality. 

The sky was not red.

The streets were not bombed.

The people were not chanting. Well, not since the protest last week.

He laid a flipper on his chest as he closed his eyes. Deep breaths, he thought. Andrew’s heart began to soften, slowing with his breathing. The heavy feeling that had pressed upon him soon began to soften. Still there, but not so strong.

Andrew opened his eyes. 

And looked back down at the mountain of envelopes, seeing it only seemed to have grown taller and sharper.

Goddamnit.

“Alright, so I have to pay these people to prevent the world from ending. How exactly do I do that? I can’t pay them from my bank account… At least I don’t want to. Then how do I find the money?” He tapped his chin. “I got it!”

The Marshtomp reached into a drawer and pulled out a blank paper and pencil. A wide smile spanned from gill to gill as he began to scribble on it. “Yes, yes! It’s perfect! How could I have been so oblivious, naive, and stupid to not recognize this before? I’m a genius!”

---

“No.” Charlie released the paper from his grasp, letting it drift slowly to the ground.

Andrew snatched it up and humphed. “What do you mean no? I’m the president! I can make laws.”

He scanned over the paper once more. His handwriting hadn’t been the same since losing two of his fingers, but Andrew was quite sure the words written down were legible. 

‘Law 1:

Andrew “Marshtomp” may have full access to the National Treasury and use its funds in any way necessary to benefit the Pokemon of Grandeport.’

“I really don’t get what’s unreasonable about this law. You can’t do much if you can’t spend money.” 

Charlie rolled his eyes. “We can spend money.”

“Then let me spend money.” The Marshtomp crossed his flippers.

“I don’t think you understand, Andrew.” He rubbed his forehead, brushing some ruffled fur back into place. “I’m not just going to let you spend money whenever you want for no reason. We’d be bankrupt in a week.”

Andrew fidgeted with his gill. “Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I can spend money responsibly. Just let me pass the law, and everyone will be happy.” 

“You don’t get to just pass laws, haven’t we been over this? There is a deal between you, me, and the council, and I’m starting to get sick of you trying to find ways to circumvent that!” Charlie yelled, his eyes narrowing.

Andrew gulped and took a step back. “B-But… It’s a very-”

“No buts!”

A pang of fear shot through his body as he instinctively stood up straight. The Raichu bore into Andrew with his dark, lifeless eyes and an expression clearly showing he meant business. 

His head fell to the floor as let out another one of his exaggerated groans.

As Andrew again made eye contact, Charlie’s expression had begun to soften. His brow seemed less stiff and grimace had become far less wide. It still was by no means a nice expression, but one which at least held sympathy.

“You know,” he took a deep breath. “We could talk this one over with the council. I can’t promise anything, but if we set our standards high maybe we could get you some money.”

Andrew nodded. “Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate that you look out for me. I don’t know how on Earth I’d even survive without you.”

“Don’t mention it, Andrew. You’re my friend, that’s what friends do.” Charlie smiled, his tail beginning to wag behind.

“But…”

His tail fell to the ground. “What did I say about buts?”

“If I were to hypothetically, and I really want to stress the hypothetical nature of this question. Let’s say I made a small withdrawal of cash. Of I don’t know, only a few thousand dollars to pay off some independent contractors, would that be okay?” Andrew asked matter-of-factly.

Charlie sighed. “Look, I’m just going to pretend I never heard you ask. Make of that what you will.”

---

Katherine opened up the door to her office and poked her head out. Her voice echoed down the brutalistic, empty hallway of Grandeport Castle. “Oh, you again.”

Andrew pushed past Katherine and pranced right into her office. To his surprise, it had something which may as well have been an endangered species— windows!

The entire back wall was covered by wood-paneled windows. Some of which had handles that allowed them the ability to open. A cool winter breeze wafted through the room as Katherine blocked Andrew’s view.

“Did I permit you to enter my office? I expect a bit more dignity and respect from a member of the government such as yourself. Well, I used to, that is.”

Andrew ignored her, instead tilting his head to the side to further examine the room. The floor was made of white tiling. A large desk wrapped around a corner sat in the back of the room, neatly organized with only a handful of papers perfectly stacked.

How did she stack those papers if she doesn’t have hands?

A large plant sat in the corner, its leaves waving and swaying with the light wind. Andrew found himself lost in thought admiring the office. It was quaint but felt so oddly familiar. No walls of bookshelves or giant pillows, just a regular-sized room that wouldn’t look out of place in his home town.

“Mister Marshtomp, are you even listening to me?”

“Oh! Uh, yeah!” Andrew snapped out of his trance and looked up at Katherine. She held a stern glare and made no effort to hide the paw tapping against the floor. 

Her tail swayed but in a different rhythm than Charlie’s. It was strangely… menacing. “Is there something I can help you with? What have I done to be graced with the presence of our oh-so-mighty president?”

“I need to make a withdrawal from the treasury. Do you think that could be arranged? Nothing much, just a test run.” He walked over to Katherine’s desk and began to observe the stack of papers.

The Liepard scoffed. “Get away from there, Marshtomp. I do not need you to dirty any important notes or documents.”

“I’d probably start messing around with your stuff about now if I wasn’t about to ask something from you.” He turned around, stood up straight, and faced Katherine. “But, I’ll respect you.”

She stuck her chin up. “How lovely. Even more so, you humor me with a request to access state finances. I must remind you, dear Marshtomp, your authority in this wing of the castle remains small.”

“I must remind you, dear, I forgot your species name.”

She spoke with a sneer. “Liepard.” 

“That my authority to relieve you of your job remains, let me check.” He looked down at his flipper as if checking a watch, “Active.”

The Liepard began to circle him, a self-satisfied grin plastering her face. “Ha. You are truly a delusional creature if you believe you can remove me from my position. This entire nation would fall to its knees if I were to leave my post for more than a day.”

“All the more reason to give me eight thousand dollars. That sounds like a good amount.” Andrew held out his flipper to Katherine’s paw.

She stepped back. “We engage in a paw shake if I agree to a deal. In addition, if I may ask, what is a dollar?”

“Oh,” Andrew laughed nervously. “Nothing. I meant Poke. Can I have it?”

“No. You may leave now.” The Liepard opened the door, laying her ice-cold glare back on Andrew.

The Marshtomp looked down at the chair which he noticed had been hidden underneath Katherine’s desk. It looked like something in between a dog bed and an office chair, with a cushioned bottom elevated slightly off the ground with a backrest.

He pulled it out and plopped himself down. That feeling of uncanniness and familiarity that held him earlier was inescapable. Andrew was home. This was Earth.

“Marshtomp! You do not have permission to be here any longer, nor did you in the first place! Leave at once!” Katherine called out to break the illusion.

Andrew twisted himself around, facing her with a bored deadpan on his face. “I’m the president. I don’t have to listen to you.”

“You are such a child! Do not make me call security to remove you.” The Liepard bore her sharp canines as she slammed her front paws into the ground. “At once!”

Andrew leaned back, letting out a yawn. “In the time it would take you to find any guards, I’d be sure to trash this place. And when you do get back here, I’d just order the guards to not do anything because they work for me.”

“You would not dare disrupt the order of such a fine dwelling like my own.” She narrowed her eyes. “You would not dare.”

The Marshtomp stood up on top of the chair, looking down at Katherine. “Oh, but I very much would. Who’s going to stop me? Unless I were to receive eight thousand Poke from the treasury.”

Her body began to tremble. Katherine’s eyes darted all over the room, Andrew, the desk, her chair, and out the window. Her face contorted into a frown as her glare grew not just cold, but aggressive. Like she wanted to kill Andrew.

It’s not irrational this time. She really does want to rip me limb from limb. 

Hesitancy was evident in the Liepard’s voice, lacking her usual confident and serious demeanor. “N-No. I cannot let you simply h-have money! It would go against my principles!”  

Andrew hovered his flipper above the stack of papers. A smile covered his face. “Something funny about being a Marshtomp is that no matter what I do, my body always seems to be covered in a layer of moisture. I’m not sure if it’s water or something else.”

“M-Marshtomp!” Katherine growled.

“Should we do an experiment?” Andrew inched his finger closer. “I’ll rub my hand against this pile of papers, and soak the other ones with water from my mouth. Then we’ll compare the differences. Doesn’t that sound like a fun activity for the afternoon?” He paused for a moment, leaning forward as he waited for a response.

In one swift motion, Katherine dashed forward. She was now less than a foot away from the Marshtomp. His chest began to feel heavy, but he did not flinch.

“Do anything to me, and I’ll ruin every clean inch of this office.”

She bent down on her hind legs, and a low growl began to envelop through the room. She’s about to pounce! Andrew panicked but found himself completely frozen. Katherine’s eyes widened with bloodlust.

However, right as it seemed he was about to become Liepard food, Katherine resumed a normal position. She returned to her normal demeanor and posture, as though nothing had even happened.

“Over here, Marshtomp.”

He obeyed, gulping and standing beside her.

Katherine put her head down. “You wish to have eight thousand Poke so badly? Fine, I relent. But stay here one moment longer and I assure you that not only will you-”

Andrew was gone before she could even finish speaking.

---

The pouch of money was far less impressive than Andrew imagined. A swimming pool of cash would have been fitting, if not at least a briefcase. Instead, a small black pouch with two golden strings no longer than his fingers rested atop his desk. 

Knock knock.

Oh god, what is it this time? A scowl came across Andrew’s face as he trudged his way to the office door. He took a deep breath and cracked it open. 

Standing before him was not the usual Bisharp messenger. Nor was it Charlie, Thomas, Jason, Ryder, or any one of the many Pokemon he had grown accustomed to. That isn’t to say he had never seen this Pokemon— these Pokemon before.

“Andrew, it’s been a bit hasn’t it? Can we come in?” Ariana Ampharos asked with a smile.

The Marshtomp cocked his head to the side. “How did you get in here?”

She took the opportunity to push past him and allow passage for herself and her daughter. Ariana began to wander the office, inspecting his desk, gazing out the windows, and even sitting in his chair.

You obnoxious fuck! How do you think someone else would feel if I were to just barge into their office?

Chloe stood awkwardly by the door. She refused to make eye contact with anything other than the wall for too long, defaulting back to it after gazing in some direction for a few seconds.

“What the hell is going on here?” Andrew stomped his feet against the ground. “Don’t think I will hesitate to have the guards take your heads off! I’m the president, I can probably do that.”

Ariana childishly skipped over to him. She placed a paw on the Marshtomp’s fin and yanked it, causing him to jolt forward. 

“Hey! That hurts!” He whined.

Ariana simply laughed. “Just a traditional Ampharos greeting. And showing you who’s really in charge here.”

“You are testing my patience.” 

“Really, Andrew?” She held out her arm toward her daughter. “Because you’re certainly testing mine. Do I have to remind you of our agreement?”

“What agreement?”

“Exactl-” The Ampharos paused mid-sentence. “Wait, you actually forgot about our agreement? You’re not kidding?”

Andrew pointed to his desk. “I’ve been busy. Paperwork, letters, bills to pay. You’re a somewhat adult-like Pokemon. I’m sure you understand.” 

Ariana facepalmed, shouting with stark annoyance. “Chloe, would you come over, dear?”

Chloe walked over to the pair, the tufts of fur on her head swaying a little as she did so. The office was large, but not ginormous. Chloe only took about two seconds to go from being by the door to the center of the room, yet each moment still felt like an eternity.

“Dear, would you care to remind our aquatic friend here what he agreed to? Because it seems that he has forgotten all about you!” Ariana ordered with a voice dripping with vitriol. 

The Flaaffy murmured, staring at the ground. “You were supposed to give me a job or something. Now Mom is mad…”

“I’m not mad! Just disappointed in our leader’s ignorance.” The Ampharos moved her tail over to behind Andrew and gave him a slight jolt, causing his fins and gills to twitch.

I guess Charlie holds back when he does that.

He stepped away from Ariana. “I can barely even get the council’s permission to spend money. You’re acquainted with Charlie, make this his problem.”

“Marshtomp, let me remind you that I’m the reason you were able to take over the Grandeport Guild. My guild is the only other one in this country capable of taking out mystery dungeons. If I withdraw my support, young man, you’re screwed.” Ariana spoke joyfully with an unwavering smile. 

Andrew stomped over to his desk and plopped himself down in his chair. “What do you want her to do? I don’t do much around here unless you want your daughter’s job to attend my meetings.“

“I am not doing that.” Chloe humphed as she crossed her arms.

He shook his head. “That’s the most desirable job off the table.”

“I don’t want to do anything too crazy.” Chloe looked Andrew in the eye and approached him. “I just want some honest work. It doesn’t have to be too important or flashy.” 

Andrew looked at the bag of money, then at Chloe. And the money, and Chloe, money, Chloe, money, Chloe.

“You good?” She questioned.

I have questionably obtained money. But, Charlie won’t give me any more money if I don’t have a reason. And I’ll need way more— Andrew picked up one of the envelopes, opening it up to find it demanding five thousand Poke— …If I want to pay all these people back.

I just need a good reason! Surely then Charlie will give me all the money I need.

He inspected Ariana for a moment.

No, he hates all these Pokemon! But, maybe I don’t need Charlie to know I’m paying them bribes? I just need the money!

How to get it, how to get it?

The Marshtomp began to tap his foot against the ground as he fell further into the realm of thought.

A front! That’s it! Just some way to slide the necessary people some money. And what better way to do that than… I’ll figure that out soon. I’m still a genius!

Andrew got up from his desk and shoved off all the envelopes. “Chloe, boy have I got a job for you! Title is to be determined, but it’ll pay a lot of money! Ain’t that great, Ariana?” 

“I’m listening. What will she be doing?” Ariana’s eyes fluttered as an almost crazed smile took her face.

“Yeah, I’m not sitting around in your meetings.”

“Chloe.” Andrew turned to her. “I heard you three seconds ago. You don’t have to repeat yourself.”

The Ampharos murmured something before loudly saying. “Marshtomp, you do not talk to my daughter that way!”

“What if I pay your daughter two-hundred-thousand Poke a year?”

Her eyes may as well have turned to dollar signs. “Make it two-fifty and you can talk to her however you like.”

Andrew clapped his flippers together. “Great! Now get out.”

“Excuse me?” Ariana snapped.

Andrew and Chloe yelled simultaneously. “Get out!”

She shot them each a glare, her ears twitched, and she exited the office without a word. 

Now it was Andrew’s turn to break eye contact. He found that he was unable to look Chloe in the eye for more than a few seconds. The Flaaffy seemed to have her gaze mostly focused and the glimpse of sea and lush forests outside the window. 

“So…” Andrew trailed off.

“I dunno.”

How many days until she hates me with a passion?

He sighed. “Alright, let’s be honest. You clearly have no desire to be here, and I have no desire to keep you around. But, I have to so your mom doesn’t throw a fit and try to kill me.”

“She can get angry sometimes.” Chloe sat down on the floor.

Andrew looked down on her. “Yes, I can tell she has some very bad anger issues. I’m sure she’s under a lot of stress being a massive bitch and all. I’ve never liked people like that. Fuck your mom, I hate her!”

He flailed his flippers around as he began to shout. “That stupid fucking asshole bitch decided to leave me here with you! Imagine how much you’re going to cost me? The Council will be so pissed I just pledged two-hundred-fifty thousand dollars to you!”

“Don’t yell at me! That’s not my fault,” Chloe snapped back.

Andrew began to resume something of a normal position, letting his flippers become tight by his sides.”Yeah, fine. I suppose it’s not your fault. But I’m still in a bit of a tough situation here. There is no way the council would ever let me pay you much of anything.”

“Then my mom will probably kill you.” Chloe sighed and walked up to the window. “I’m sorry about her. She’s just doing what she thinks is best for me.”

“Oh, I’ve heard that one,” Andrew chuckled. 

Chloe began to prod at the papers on Andrew’s desk, repeating the motions of her mother. “Sheesh, can’t you just say you’re the president and make the money appear?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to do. I wrote a bill which Charlie said he’d take to the council and have it reviewed, but I have my doubts that it will go anywhere. I hope they realize that if the guilds and cops come after me for not paying them, I’m taking the council down with me.” Andrew said as he straightened his bowtie.

“I still need to get paid…”

“Augh!” He threw his head back. “I am trying to figure that out! Shit, what are you good at?”

She looked away. “I’m a good runner.”

“Athlete good, or beat me in a race good?”

“You’re a Marshtomp,” Chloe said plainly.

“So?” The stubby-legged, flippered, obviously aquatic specimen asked. 

Smugness crept into her voice. “I could beat any Marshtomp in a race.”

“That isn’t an answer to the question,” Andrew said with a newfound scowl.

“I don’t know.” Chloe picked up one of the envelopes from the desk and began to examine it. Responding absentmindedly, “Somewhere in between.”

“Running, running, moving, going, transporting… Transporting? State, treasury, transportation? You don’t have cars or trains, though.” He rubbed a finger on his would-be chin.

“What’s that?” Chloe asked as she tilted her head.

A realization came over Andrew, his eyes lit up. “You have boats! I’m a genius! Wait, is there a Minister of Transportation?”

“Uh, I don’t think so. Shouldn’t you know that?”

“Chloe, how would you like to be Grandeport’s new Minister of Transportation?” The Marshtomp asked with a child-like wonder, all the pieces falling into place.

She scratched the back of her head. “Sure, what exactly would I be doing?”

---

Andrew climbed up onto the table, much to the council members’ and Chloe’s dismay. All but Charlie, who let out a short chuckle before winking at Felicia. The Lucario rolled her eyes as she braced herself for whatever the lunatic before her was about to say.

“Chloe will be an essential part of the new government! We live in a country called Grandeport, correct?” He announced proudly.

Larry turned to Felicia and shook his head at her. “Yes, Andrew. Despite what you may believe we’re all well aware of the country we live in. Even I thought you knew better about our intelligence.”

“I know better than you on a lot of things, Larry,” Andrew whispered, but still loud enough that everyone else could hear.

“My name is not-”

“AS I WAS SAYING!” Andrew shouted over him. “Grandeport is of course an important regional and or global shipping port, I presume. And somehow we don’t have a single Pokemon assigned to manage this!”

Eugene bellowed, crouching down to meet the other Pokemons’ eye level. “I believe the jurisdiction of the port falls under the Minister of the Interior. While this Flaaffy seems like a fine young lady, we have no need to employ her here.”

“Chloe has plenty of good attributes to offer, right?” He asked as he motioned to the Flaaffy.

She stood in front of the table near the door. Eye contact seemed to have improved in the few hours she had been in the castle, but Chloe still found it hard to focus on any one Pokemon for too long. 

“I used to be a rescuer at the Grandeport Guild, so I know my around. I also briefly worked as an accountant. I guess, I’m just a normal, trustworthy Pokemon who you can trust to keep things business as usual.”

Felicia smiled upon hearing this. “We could use some more normal Pokemon around here.” She panned her gaze across the room as it fell into a brief silence. Andrew waved at her as she passed him.

Eugene huffed. “Establishing a whole new ministry costs money. We’d need at least ten million Poke to get it off the ground. Plus, does she have any experience working in the government?”

“I didn’t have any experience. And look at me now!” Andrew laughed, plopping himself down on the table.

“And look how that turned out.” The Tyrantrum said sarcastically. 

He clasped his flippers together. “Quite well! Now then, how do we feel about giving our Flaaffy friend here a job and most importantly, ten million dollars.”

“I’m a bit concerned about how enthusiastic you are to receive that money,” Felicia noted as she narrowed her eyes. “I don’t want either of you spending any large sums of money without my approval.”

Charlie leaned back in his seat and placed an arm behind his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure the kids don’t go nuts or anything.

“I don’t want you making any big purchases behind my back either.”

The Raichu shrugged. “I promise. Paws crossed.”

“Then do we have a consensus?” Felicia asked.

Larry and Eugene both grumbled.

The Gallade stood up and marched over to Felicia. “Neither of us agreed to this! You can’t just do whatever he wants!” 

“Is somebody jealous?” Andrew skipped across the table to meet him. He summoned a small, benign stream of water and shot it straight at Larry’s face. The Gallade made no attempt to dodge, instead simply squeezing his eyes shut as the liquid splashed across his head.

Beneath snorts and stifled laughter, Felicia meekly to ask Andrew to, “Please don’t use any attacks in the council room.”

However, she seemed unable to look at Larry utterly drenched and paralyzed with breaking out into laughter. The Lucario slapped her fists against the table as Charlie and Chloe also found it impossible to stifle their giggles. 

“Stop it! Stop it!” Larry yelled. His eyes shot back open as he stared daggers through the laughing Pokemon. He stomped back over to his seat and sat down, arms crossed, lip protruding like a pouty toddler. 

Andrew hopped off the table and onto the ground with a light thud against the creaky wood floor. 

Who knew a bit of… whatever I just did could prove so beneficial toward my popularity? What are you talking about, Andrew?”

He smiled nonchalantly at Felicia. She let out one last bout of laughter before settling back into her usual serious demeanor. Larry was defeated, Charlie rested like a king atop his stolen throne. Eugene lurked in the corner but despite his weight, he had no authority to pull it.

And so the Marshtomp winked at Charlie. Or maybe it was at Chloe, or Felicia, or all of them. Or maybe it was at Arceus himself.

Hah, Arceus. If Poke-god was real, I would have been smitten down months ago.