Filet Marshtomp

Thump Thump Thump

Andrew could already feel his heart beating faster than normal as he tentatively stepped into another one of the castle’s many oversized chambers. Unlike the lobby or king’s throne room, the banquet hall felt far from empty.

Taking up the majority of the space sat a narrow mahogany table, stretching at least fifty feet in length. It was accompanied by chairs of the same material and hue. While they all had the same general shape, they were each different heights so as to have everybody at roughly the same level at the table. The taller chairs even had ladders to accommodate shorter Pokemon’s ascent.

The table itself was draped in a silken white cloth, and fine golden placemats sat under an ungodly amount of delicate plates and silverware. Sets of candles occupied the table’s center. The primary light source came from larger fixtures mounted to the similarly built wood-paneled walls.

Two large windows occupied a majority of the room’s back space. Letting the last of the evening’s sunshine bask in the meticulously organized chamber in its glow. Right in front of them sat tables filled with food, which Andrew was unfortunately too far away to make out in detail. But, the savory smells were enough on their own. 

This is… something. 

Of course, the Marshtomp was not to have the whole room to himself. Pokemon all wearing familiar green bandanas also occupied the space. They began shuffling and climbing up onto their seats… some having to climb a bit more than others. Taking the hint, Andrew began to search for a card with his name on it. 

Let’s see here, Harrison, Josephine, Eloise, Victus… Ah! Andrew.

A blue name card of an identical tone to his skin was mounted on a chair that had a seat about a foot taller than his head-fin. He pulled himself up a short ladder before finding that he was level with the other banquet goers. To his left sat Victus, the Watchog administrator he had the occasional meeting with. To his right sat a Goodra he did not recognize with a bandana tied around one of the tendrils flowing from their head.

The tapping of a glass brought the crowd’s attention to a Gholdengo holding a cup full of a dark blue liquid Andrew did not recognize. The Pokemon in question caught his eye. 

I’ve definitely had a meeting or something with that guy. What was his name? Adam? Allen? Andrew? Wait no, that’s my name. 

“Fellow Pokemon, ladies, gentlemen, children of all ages, may I have your attention?” He stood on top of his chair, elevating himself far above anyone else in the room.

Why are Pokemon always standing on furniture?

The Gholdengo continued with vigor, “How many years have we been doing this now? Eight? Ten? I lost track quite a while ago. For anyone new joining us, my name is Everett. And as the highest-ranking Pokemon here, I will be your host for tonight’s annual police banquet.”

“Isn’t that Marshtomp the chief or something?” A Poliwrath called out from down the table.

Andrew raised a flipper, an awkward grin spread across his face. “Heh, I’m Andrew. Don’t mind me.”

A few murmurs erupted before the Gholdengo tapped his glass again. “Yes, anyways. We are gathered here today to celebrate the continued success of our wonderful police force. Now before we get to everyone’s favorite part of this, are there any shoutouts someone would like to give to another captain? Perhaps a shiny yellow one?”

“Yeah, I’d like to give one!” Yelled a Scizor. “Let’s all give a special recognition to Everett for scheduling all his meetings at eight in the morning. How about another for dragging them out as long as possible? I sure do hate free time!” 

Soft chuckles enveloped the chamber, Andrew making no effort to hide his own. The Gholdengo slammed his glass down. “Not this time! We are here to celebrate! Not mock! Nobody is touching the food until we have one positive recognition.”

Andrew raised his flipper, Everett making eye contact with him. “Andrew was it? Go ahead.”

“Yes, I’d like to give myself a positive recognition for pissing off Mirage at least twice that I know of.” 

More laughter overtook the room, even Everett unable to hold back a smirk.

“He’s senile I tell ya! Once yelled at me closing the door too loud!” Shouted a Croconaw.

A Jolteon raised their paw. “He once complained that watching me walk makes him dizzy!” 

“He once told me I wasn’t allowed to talk with him in the sun because my skin was too shiny. Then again, I haven’t seen him leave the castle in forever.” Everett chimed in.

“Can we have food?” The Goodra next to him questioned. 

The Gholdengo sighed and shook his head. “Fine, go eat.”

Plates clanged as the officers hopped off their seats and rushed to the buffet table. Andrew clasped his and carefully climbed down his chair onto the carpeted ground, and walked over to the line which now wrapped halfway across the room.

Upon queuing, he heard Everett let out a loud sigh from behind him. “So, you’re the new chief I’ve heard so much about?”

“Me? I guess so.” The line took a step forward, Andrew following. “I’ve hardly done much since the whole Zoroark debacle. Seems to me like you’re more of a police chief than I am.”

The Gholdengo waved his wrist. “Well, you know how it is. I get along well enough with the old man. But I’m my own Pokemon, which is probably why you get to be honorary chief, or whatever.”

He sensed dismay in Everett’s reply, but quickly let it slide to the back of his mind upon whiffing the scents of freshly cooked food up ahead. Andrew could have fainted at the sight.

I haven’t seen this much food in one place since I robbed that store!

Before him sat bowls of plain spaghetti, spaghetti in red sauce, and spaghetti in a yellow sauce he didn’t recognize. They begged to be taken from their miserable homes and onto his shiny plate. The Marshtomp greedily scooped the red sauce spaghetti and drowned out any pearly white on his dish. 

Further down the table sat loaves and loaves of bread with varying shades of brown. There were long pale ones, dark thick ones, and even a loaf that looked similar to your average sandwich supplies. One seemed to stand out from the rest. A light brown loaf with large woven bumps which the other Pokemon had hardly bothered to touch. Andrew took a slice and crammed it onto his cluttered plate.

Glancing at a rainbow array of fruits, he thought. Eh, there’s always time for seconds if I want some berries. Before carefully walking back to his seat. 

A silver metal fork lay right next to him. It was perfectly sized to fit his stiff Marshtomp fingers. Without a care in the world, Andrew plunged his fork into his spaghetti and began slurping it up. 

He turned to Victus and spoke with tomato sauce dripping from his mouth. “Vicrus, this spaghetti is really good! You gotta try some!”

The Watchog refused any eye contact, poking at the few slices of bread which occupied his plate. “It’s Victus, and please never talk to me again.”

“Responses like that are the reason nobody likes you.” 

“What?” His head shot toward Andrew. “What are you talking about? Everyone likes me! I’m the most well-liked Pokemon in this building. There isn’t a single Pokemon in this city who dislikes 

me! I was voted-”

“Jeez, calm down.” Andrew interrupted. “I was just messing with you.”

“Oh, right then.” 

“Nobody cares enough to like or dislike you. You’re the most forgettable Pokemon here.” He continued with a grin on his sauce-smeared face.

Victus shot out his hand toward Andrew, his finger pointed and only missing Andrew’s eye by a few millimeters “What?” He yelled. “How could that be possible?”

Several Pokemon turned their heads toward the Watchog. He noticed the unwanted attention, his eyes widened and he looked around anxiously. Andrew’s lip twitched before he broke out into laughter. “I got you again! I think… Nobody here really talks to me about anyone.”

“Stupid swamp thing,” Victus murmured before cramming a whole slice of bread into his mouth.

Andrew took a bite of his own slice. It was fluffy and left an oddly pleasant, sweet taste in his mouth. 

Not too bad, these Pokemon really can cook. 

He looked around and listened for any other interesting conversations. Everett was discussing something across the table with a Meowscarada Andrew recognized, too far away for him to hear.. 

The Poliwrath, who also seemed familiar upon further inspection, looked to be laughing. It was hard to tell considering his lack of a mouth. 

It’s times like these I really wish Charlie would show up and burn the building down. Or Thomas could be overly optimistic about spaghetti. Maybe Jason could give me a lecture? Why does this room feel so empty? Andrew poked at his food. I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.

“And then Mirage told me he’d chop off my tail if I didn’t juggle for two hours? Isn’t that nuts? I still think it was impressive I pulled that off.” The Goodra next to him mentioned in a deep voice. 

“Juggle for two hours?” Andrew butted in. “That makes the things I’ve heard him say seem tame.”

The Goodra turned to him and chuckled. “When you’ve been doin’ this policing thing as long as I have, you hear some wacky stuff. The name’s Jamie.”

“Oh, I’m Andrew. You wouldn’t believe the crap he gives me. Threatened to fire me a month ago after the protest.” 

He picked up his glass, downing it in one gulp. “Sounds like him alright. I wouldn’t worry too much though, he’s all bark no bite. Except when he does bite, but he’s too old to go after every Pokemon that pisses him off these days.”

“Hope I’m not one of the unlucky bunch,” Andrew stated awkwardly. “Y’know… Heh… Yeah.”

The Goodra turned away from him.

Goddamnit. I had something going there, didn’t I? 

“Vicfus, you get what I’m saying right?”

The Watchog didn’t bother to look or respond. Andrew groaned, twisting his head around until he landed back on Everett’s shiny skin. 

Maybe if I? Yes, perfect. This has gotta work!

Andrew loudly cleared his throat, before raising his flipper back up in the air. “Everett, can I give another shoutout? This time not to myself.” 

A sparkle seemed to overtake the Gholdengo’s shiny golden eyes. “Oh, really?” He clanged a fork against a glass and drew the room’s attention yet again. “Everyone! We have another shoutout! Please listen closely!

The Marshtomp proudly stood up on his chair. “Today has brought us Pokemon from far and wide. I’m sure we could find someone here from every neighborhood of the city.” 

Andrew paused, expecting some sort of laughter. But the only noise was the Poliwrath’s dry cough.

“Anyways, there is somebody who for whatever reason could not be here today. I don’t know if he usually comes, but that’s beside the point. You know him! You love him! I’d like to recognize the one and only King Mirage! Guess what? I heard he left his room a few months ago!”

A moderately toned laughter encompassed the chamber. Andrew couldn’t quite help but feel that it was a bit forced coming from most Pokemon.

Something about the vibrations coming from them… I think?

“Everett, if you’ll allow me. May we perhaps ask for some stories of Mirage being on his finest most regal behavior? It’s the least we could do for the old Ninetails for his inability to attend.”

The Gholdengo looked from side to side, the Pokemon next to him nodding. “I don’t see why not. I’m sure we’ve all got a story or two. How about I go first?” 

Everett spoke about how Mirage had once threatened to mint him into gold. A Blastoise flailed his arms around as she reenacted a time Mirage insisted he was a better swimmer than any water type. The Goodra next to him retold the story of how Mirage made him juggle for two hours, even juggling some plates to prove it. The Poliwrath down the table stared aimlessly for two minutes before sitting back down.

Nevertheless, the laughter created brought Andrew a sense of completion. He could feel his legs aching to sprint around the room as the strange joy of insulting Mirage grew. It felt like they were one big happy family. It felt so distinctly…

Human.

---

“Human! You stupid human! My Arceus you absolute idiot! That’s it, Andrew! We’re done!” Mirage screamed with fury, saliva spewing from his maw.

Andrew stood back several feet from the King’s throne, though it felt more like miles to him “I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me! We were just trying to have fun!”

“Trying to have fun?” He repeated loudly. “Is mocking me your idea of fun? At a dinner of my most trusted security forces nonetheless? Do you wish to go into town and start spewing lies and rumors about me? Oh, wait! You already have! You worthless mud-dwelling filthy animal! What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Uh…” Andrew stuttered, taking another step back. “I’m sorry?”

The Ninetails crept forward, a low hum escaped his jaw. “You’re sorry, Andrew? Boy, why don’t you say it like you mean it? With conviction!” He yelled. “Vigor! Power! Energy! If you want to keep your pathetic job, say it like you Arceus damn mean it!”

“I’M VERY SORRY”

Mirage sighed, placing his head down.  

“So?” Andrew asked. “Do I get to keep my job?” 

The King stuck his head back up with a smile spread across his face. His eyes and mouth widened before the sound of laughter escaped from his mouth. 

Andrew tilted his head. What the hell? Is he losing it?

His laughter only grew stronger as his chest began to heave. The Ninetails threw himself back onto the large pillow below him, his cries only growing louder and louder. 

Feeling his fins vibrate slightly, Andrew tentatively approached. “Mirage? Are you good?”

The Ninetails stood back up and shook his head. “Oh, poor Andrew. You think you’re getting your job back?”

“Yes…?”

“No!” He snapped. “You’re fired! And be happy I’m not choosing to dish out any harsher consequences for your actions. You have until tomorrow night to pack up your office. The guards will be notified not to let you back in after that.”

“But I just got-!”

Snarling, his tone became harsher. “No buts! I’ve given you several warnings and you did not heed any of them. I’m simply providing the proper punishment your father should have given you. Complain any further and there may be some rather, flammable consequences.”

“My father? What?” Andrew questioned while narrowing his eyes. 

Mirage raised his paw. “You know, your father never disciplined you. Which is why you behave this way. Regardless, I’m sure you could find new means of employment. Marshtomps are good swimmers, certainly won’t drown. I’m sure you could find a job as a sailor. Just don’t expect a letter of recommendation from us.”

“Uh, alright then.” Andrew backed away slowly toward the door, making sure not to take his eyes off Mirage. “Was this a plan to weird me out enough so I leave without a fight? If so, all the power to you. I’ll uh, totally be out by tomorrow.” 

He quickly exited the chamber as a shiver shot down his spine.

What was that about? My father? 

Andrew whispered to himself, “Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do now.”

He made his way through neverending twisting corridors and halls. Up a flight of stairs, down two more. Until finally finding a familiar door marked 684. 

Swinging it open revealed all the council sat with a deck of cards divided up between them. 

“I have three Metagross,” Felicia stated, flipping a card over. 

Larry stood up. “Ha! I have five Metagross.” 

Charlie shook his head. “I thought we were playing poker.”

“What’s he doing here?” Snapped Larry, glaring at Andrew. 

He held his flippers behind his back. “I have a tiny problem.”       

“My apologies Andrew, but we’re in the middle of a game here. Perhaps you could leave us be? Preferably forever. Don’t you have a crossword puzzle to do?” Larry flung his wrist forward, causing the playing card to shoot across the room and onto Andrew’s face. 

Eugene crouched over. His tiny dinosaur arm was barely able to reach the table. “Uno,” he boomed in his deep voice. 

Felicia’s ears drooped slightly as a groan escaped her mouth. “Alright Andrew, what’s your issue?”

“I got fired.”

Her eyes widened. “What? How did that happen?

“Okay, so I like, started this whole thing at a police dinner. And a bunch of people told funny stories about Mirage. And then he fired me.” Andrew said calmly, flippers raised. 

The Lucario’s paw made its way to her chin. “That’s typical Mirage behavior, but there’s not much we can do. He’s the boss.”

“But you’re part of the council!” He pleaded. “Can’t you declare me unfired?” 

“Even if we could do that, we would definitely not do that for you.” The Gallade interjected. 

Prompting a sharp, “Shut up Larry,” from Andrew, Felicia, and Charlie in unison.

“We could always try talking to him.” Charlie hopped up and leaned his head toward the door. “We got a lot out of Andrew being police chief.”

Larry rolled his eyes. “We got nothing out of Andrew! Mirage relegated him to a seat warmer. Just let our King have his way with this, it’ll be better for all of us.”

“Not for me!” Cried, Andrew.

The Raichu approached the Gallade with a sharp glare in his eyes. “Hey! We’ve gotten plenty out of Andrew! Plus, he’s a good guy! It would be a waste to let Mirage have his way with this. Is this what you want Felicia? Even after the you know what?”

“Don’t bring that into this!” She snapped. 

Andrew raised his flippers. “I don’t know what.”

“Let Mirage fire him!” Larry shouted. 

“No!”

“Yeah, don’t!”

“We got so much out of him!”

“You got a lot out of him.” 

“I got a lot out of me!”

“That’s two against one!”

Felicia slammed her paw on the table, causing the cards to jump up as a bang echoed through the room. “Enough!” 

Her white spikes glistened in the room’s dim lighting. “I will have a discussion with Mirage about Andrew’s termination. Anyone who would like to join is welcome.”

Felicia made her way toward the door, Andrew and Charlie following close behind. Larry turned away and humphed. They exited the room, Andrew catching a glance of Eugene nodding to him as they left. 

The Marshtomp couldn’t help but feel a sickening feeling in his gut. His hands trembled as the group stepped into Mirage’s chamber. His back was turned, and the Ninetails did not bother to face them as he spoke.

“What do you want?”

Felicia cleared her throat. “We would like to discuss the Andrew situation.”

“What situation?” He huffed. “He’s fired and that’s final. I don’t have time or the desire to discuss this right now, or ever.” 

An electrical hum emanated from Charlie’s body. “You can’t do this old man! Andrew is the best police chief we’ve ever had! And you’re gonna fire him because a bunch of random police captains told funny stories about you? How dare you!”

“Watch your tone, Charlie,” Mirage said in an oddly calm manner. “I anticipated Andrew would try to pull something like this. Let it go.”

The Raichu shook in place, sparks of electricity flying from his cheeks. “You’ve got skeletons in your closet! Don’t do this, Mirage. Make this mistake and there’s no coming back! You thought that protest was big? See what happens when half the country truly hates you!”

“Don’t do this, Mirage. Don’t do this, Mirage. Could I not ask the same of you? Your empty threats don’t scare me. I wouldn’t advise shooting a lightning bolt at me, though.” The King leaned his head back, the tip of his nose barely visible. 

Charlie yelled incomprehensibly, throwing his fists forward. A blue glow began to surround them as the sound of electricity cackling filled the room. Lightning extruded and fired from his eyes as electrical sparks flung from every inch of his body. Andrew and Felicia ran in opposite directions, though unable to take their eyes off the sight unfolding. 

And as if nothing had happened, it subsided. The Raichu returned to his normal state. Twisting his head to Andrew, he smiled. Not a smug grin or self-satisfied smirk, just a normal, peaceful smile. Andrew was taken aback, when was the last time Charlie smiled at me? Without plotting to do something horrible? 

He slowly turned to face Mirage. The Ninetails had rotated just enough to make the corners of his face visible. Charlie let out a long, exasperated sigh. 

His eyes closed. 

The room flashed with a pure blue.  

Andrew could see nothing else but the neon awe, as if staring at a blank wall.

A balloon popped, a gun fired, a bomb had been dropped. Or perhaps, thunder had merely rolled over the prairie. 

The world began coming back into view, colors and shapes slowly saturating into definite objects. Charlie was the first person Andrew could recognize. His fur had become stuck up and unkept as if he had been rubbed against a carpet. The same expression still sat glued to the Raichu’s face. Ever unmoving, losing whatever innocence Andrew had foolishly attributed to it. 

Felicia’s jaw was dropped, so wide a dentist would have no problem operating on it. Her ears were pulled back on her skull with the inner black parts not visible. Like Charlie, she seemed frozen in place. Her only movement was the fierce twitching of her left eye. 

Finally, Andrew turned his gaze to none other than the King himself. But what caught his attention was not Mirage. Behind him lay a giant black spot on the otherwise gray stone wall. It was charcoal-like in texture and featured large jagged edges. Upon closer inspection, Andrew realized the top of Mirage’s head-tuft had been sheared off. 

The Marshtomp had witnessed many angry looks from Mirage. Some were worse than others, but all more or less the same. Nothing more than a warning. But the expression that was currently bored on Mirage’s face, was not just a warning. It was a call to action. 

His teeth glistened in the room’s bright light. Even from his distance, Andrew could make out every fine point of the Ninetails’ sharp canines. Drool puddled below him, a disgusting steady stream collapsing from out of his mouth. 

Mirage’s eyes were bloodshot. Moisture surrounded them and dark bags sagged from right below. He stepped forward, a crystal blue tear slowly trickled down his cheek. 

“Charlie.” He whispered. 

The Raichu gave him his gaze, tail wagging without a care in the world. “Yes? Is there something you’d like to say to me?” 

“Did you… Did you just try to kill me?” The Ninetails stammered. 

Charlie shrugged. “Maybe I did? Maybe not? But if you’re gonna fire my friend, I’m gonna fire lightning at you. As you would say, consider it a lesson.” 

“You fool, you stupid child.” Mirage stepped off his cushion and approached him. “I thought so much better of you. I suppose you inherited your mother’s temper, truly a shame. You wouldn’t want to end up like her?”

Charlie’s expression faded. In the place of a smile now sat a spiteful scowl. All life seemed to have drained from his eyes, allowing them to only give a cold stare at Mirage. As his tail fell to the ground, the Raichu raised his brown paw.

He brought it behind his head. 

And swung it straight into Mirage’s face. 

The room’s silence was more deafening than any amount of lighting Charlie could produce. Andrew’s heart pounded in his chest. 

Holy shit! Did he just bitch-slap Mirage? 

He bit down on his lip, a knot formed in his throat. A pressure welled from his stomach. The Marshtomp stomped the ground in an attempt to cause himself any pain. 

No! No! No! Now is not the time! 

It was a lost cause. Andrew’s lip quivered, laughter breaking free from its prison. 

The other Pokemon all shot their heads toward him. He grabbed his head-fin in a desperate attempt to stifle the noise. The poor Marshtomp fell to the floor, convulsing with laughter. An uncanny grin came across Charlie’s face.     

Mirage stared viciously at Andrew, almost as much as he did at Charlie. “Is something funny?”

Panting, Andrew stumbled back onto his feet. “Oh my god! I’m watching my entire life collapse before my eyes!” His laughing continued as the entire room seemed to shake around him. 

The Ninetails stomped his paw against the floor. “Out!” He yelled.

Nobody moved.  

“Are you deaf? Get out!”

“Oh! Yes, my king.” Felica dashed over to Andrew and Charlie. Grabbing their paws and flippers, she began pulling them out of the room. Andrew shot the disheveled Ninetails a glare as the heavy wooden doors slammed behind them.

---

Andrew sighed, putting his head down. “Hasn’t been more than a few hours and I already miss being chief.”

“I’m so sorry Andrew, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t published that article you’d probably still have a job.” Thomas frowned.

“No, it’s not your fault. You’re not the reason Mirage sucks.” 

A bright yellow scarf was draped around Thomas’ neck, the ends blowing in the cool autumn wind. The space below Andrew’s head lay unusually exposed as he held the bandana in his hands. The sky had again taken a vibrant pink and orange hue as the sun began to hide behind the horizon. 

Thomas hopped for no particular reason. “At least it’s a lovely night! The sky is so pretty!” 

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Andrew stated while gazing at pink fluffy clouds. 

The Servine leaned his head. “I’m quite happy you never moved out, but you never told me why.” 

“Oh,” Andrew smirked and waved his flipper. “They never ended up sending somebody to clean that place up. I refuse to live in filth.” 

“Good thing we don’t have to worry about that.” He skipped across colorful leaves beneath his feet. 

As they turned onto Thomas’ street the whole world seemed to get a bit warmer. Thomas removed his scarf, stuffing it in his satchel. Andrew made out the faint voices of shouting Pokemon coming from a distance away. 

“You hear that Andrew?” 

He tied the bandanna back around his neck, letting out an annoyed grunt. “They should really shut up. I might just snap if I have to witness another crowd of rowdy Pokemon.”

An orange glow shone from just over the hill Andrew and Thomas had begun climbing up.

Just over this stupid thing, and I can finally go to bed!

Andrew began to slow down, his legs feeling like they were sinking into the earth. Thomas pushed on ahead of him and soon reached the mound’s peak. The Servine stopped in his tracks, merely looking down below with his back to Andrew.

“Thomas, is everything okay?”

No response. Andrew trudged up the cobblestone and stood next to Thomas. He was met by an array of orange and yellow lights. It danced atop the rooftop and across the walls of Thomas’ home. Shiny shards lay on the street beneath reflecting a dazzling glare for all to see. 

Thomas fell to the ground, only able to watch his home burn beneath the fiery sky.