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    By now, Ruby was barely keeping track of time, what with summer seeming to last forever. Time had blurred into an awkward strip of blind movement through the dark, with college and adulthood falling down on her like weights that she wasn’t strong enough to carry on her own. Even today, despite taking a day off to walk around the city with Tori, she had fallen into the same vicious cycle of expecting life to make things interesting for her, as she was too stressed to do it herself.

    The park lacked interest. The same boring trees and shrubbery was merely a flavor addition to the tasteless, everyday bite of this boring city, furthered by the lack of many pokémon in the area. Ruby slipped her eyes through a narrow curtain of petals to get a better look at the world around her, only to be stung by a bold slice of summer rays that forced the pupils back within her protective barrier.

    A moment of silence passed before a soft but Tori’s voice spoke up in return, projecting from Ruby’s left.

    “Not fun. Remember that Golduck…?”

    The voice trailed off before sighing. “Fuck- can’t remember. It doesn’t matter though does it?”

    Ruby kept her legs pacing in a straightforward direction, bag strung over her side and quivering around irritatingly, making sure not to trip over herself. It was a strenuous task, what with keeping any loose thoughts as far from her focus as possible.

    “This bitch randomly stopped playing her instrument and started making a scene in front of everyone. Starting mumbling shit about not getting enough credit for last month’s performance.. like, bitch.. no one fucking cares about your stupid ego we’re in the middle of practice. Something about her and being annoying. I don’t get it.”

    Mustering up another bit of courage from inside her, Ruby peeked through her petals once again and got a better sight of the Whimsicott next to her, for the few seconds she could.

    Tori was something else. Always fashioning fearless and glamorous eyes, unbothered despite the noise around them, wielding some sort of interest and passion that Ruby ached to have herself. For not being very known or rich or famous, she took things in stride regardless, and would often be seen as a stature by those close to her, caring deeply for those happy enough to be close in the first place.

    “So I left. The people there are shitty and I decided I was fed up. Marty didn’t seem so mad about it though. But, I don’t know… it still kinda sucks I had to leave that dumpster fire…”

    A weak cough bounced out of Ruby’s throat before a small “Hm?” caught her attention.

    Tori stopped mid-walk to glance back. “Something up?”

    Nearly tripping over herself and the bag strapped to her side, Ruby halted to a stop and forcibly nodded. “Nononono.. I’m fine I think.. It’s just hard to keep up with everything..”

    “Fair enough.”

    Tori didn’t continue walking though. Instead, she shuffled closer to Ruby and gave her a weak pat on the back. “I’m sorry for throwing my emotional baggage on you.”

    Ruby sighed. “It’s fine. We all have our problems. Don’t make yours anymore.. not.. important..”

    Petals closed in tighter around the embarrassed Cherrim, attempting to wash out anything that could make her anxiety worse. But she knew it was pointless.

    “I wasn’t trying to make any of us more upset, believe me. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It was… my fault after all.”

    A few seconds of awkward silence passed before Tori continued their path forward. “C’mon, there’s a little bench area up ahead, we can sit down and rest.”

    “Thanks” Ruby blurted, trailing quickly.

    The more I stay in this place the more I dread it.

    The park area was mostly empty today but it was evident that this probably wouldn’t stay that way much longer. Ruby turned to her left, peeking through her protective barrier to see a red-scarfed Weavile idly sleeping in the grass, sprawled out like a street feral. Huh. Didn’t know people could just do that.

    She sighed to herself before the sound of Tori’s voice caught her attention again.

    “Here!”

    Tori plopped herself on the first bench she saw and slouched comfortably, littering small bits of cotton near the stools of the bottom wood.

    It was a weak effort to lighten up Ruby. But instead of sitting on the bench too, she was staring out in the distance, almost frozen in place. Entranced by the horizon farther away and the skyscrapers, looming like thin, sharp spikes towards the clouds.

    “…Ruby?”

    Tori didn’t dare move.

    “Hm?”

    In an instant, Ruby immediately snapped out of whatever trance she was in and proceeded to trip over herself in panic. She tumbled straight into the grass, sending her bag flying away from her and landing somewhere behind the gates that guarded around the park.

    Tori bounced out of her seat and nearly tripped over herself too, rushing to Ruby’s side.

    “How did it go that far-“

    Why do I keep doing this to myself..

    Struggling to move, Ruby croaked with a hint of desperation. Awkward stupid mess I am. Coming here was a mistake.

    It took her a second to realize that she wouldn’t be able to properly get up herself unless she unwrapped her budding outerlayer. Which she… couldn’t do. Not in… public.

    Tori eventually helped her out.

    “You… alright?”

    “Sorry you have to deal with the embarrassing mess that I am…”

    Ruby sighed and peeked around. The bag was no longer strapped around her shoulder. Tori eagerly went to fetch it, finding it scattered in a nearby bush, among a stray piece of plastic.

    “Here it is.”

    She laced the bag over Ruby’s side very gently, smiling as she finished.

    “Thanks, I guess” Ruby mumbled.

    “We can rush home if it’s okay with you. It’s getting dusk soon and uhm… there’s some smoothie shops on our way back…”

    For once since this walk had started, Ruby was calm. “Sounds… good.”

    Tori impatiently strutted in the direction behind them, not even paying attention to see if Ruby was following. Right as she passed the exit gate, she heard a short squeal from afar. She turned around quizically, only to immediately have her vision blocked by a large, hairy figure with black stripes swirling over yellow fur. Before Tori could move, black meaty hands gripped right for her neck and squeezed her, lifting her slightly towards an exceptionally ugly face atop the figure’s body.

    Give me the bag or the puffball is having it!

    She felt the grip on her tighten to the point of tears. Breath held, muscles strained and close to collapsing. Before she could try to use a move or look around her, the sound of a faraway groan caught her attention once again.

    Magical Leaf or Grass Knot? Magical Leaf or Grass Knot? Magical Leaf or- Ruby swiftly avoided a Fire Punch from the Electivire only to trip on herself backwards due to lack of vision, tumbling against the ground.

    Couldn’t be more inconvenient.

    The Electivire ripped Ruby’s bag from beneath her and straight into his empty palm, snorting. “I expected a better sensation out of robbing chics…”

    He looked at Ruby, who wriggled on the ground as she struggled to get up. “You’re just pathetic, you know that… you piece of shit?” he snapped.

    Finally, the Electivire squeezed on Tori’s neck a little more before dropping her and storming off. She hit the ground cold, releasing small bits of cotton and coughing as a blurry figure slipped right past her.

    Ruby managed to roll herself into a sitting position, squinting to see a familiar red-and-purple figure in the distance, with a feathered head and sharp, slick claws. The same Weavile who was lounging in the grass from before was now darting straight for the Electivire.

    “Drop the bag!” he yelped before jabbing the mon right in the back of his head, causing the Electivire to spin back in pain, locking eyes with him.

    He clutched the bag infuriatingly, snorting with a fiery breath. “Stop trying to play superhero, weirdo.”

    The Weavile clutched the scarf around his neck, revealing an explorers’ badge from his palm.

    “It’s not my job to be patrolling the city and doing jobs that most police officers won’t take..” He glanced back at Ruby with determined eyes, nodding, before turning back to the Electivire with a grin.

    “But I know what’s wrong and I know what’s right. Drop the bag, now.”

    The Electivire didn’t move.

    “Fine then” the Weavile grumbled. Electivire coated his open fist in an orange flame and burst straight for him. Curiously, the ice type leaped straight over the punch and threw a soft kick over the back, tipping the jerk over and causing him to fly right into the grass below.

    Weavile crossed his arms and scoffed, looking over the pitiful mon. “Look at who’s the pathetic one now. Someone better grab a broom and clean this up…”

    Electivire roared in frustration. “Raaaahh, fuck you! You stupid little shit!”

    Right as he was about to get back up, a hoard of colorful leaves struck him in the back, causing him to yelp again. Weavile raised his head and smiled at Ruby, who stood atop the electric type’s back, ready to fire another.

    By the time he stopped whining, Weavile leaped for the satchel under his arm and threw it towards the Cherrim from afar, catching it over her side.

    “Thanks for the help! I uh.. didn’t catch your name did I? Mine is Ruby…” she announced, smiling from inside her petals.

    “Mallku.”

    “Oh… uh, thank you so much. It means a lot-“

    “Yeah no problem” the Weavile interrupted, throwing his arm over his head and smiling sheepishly. “So uh, what are you folks doing out here? Just taking a walk or..”

    Ruby nodded. “Yeah, we are.”

    “Nice. Uh… stay safe I guess. I’ll see you… around?”

    Right as Mallku was about to turn around and head out another direction, Ruby bolted in front of him to catch his attention.

    “Wait-“

    “Hm? Oh-“ Mallku turned around and paused. “Something else you need? I can spare a minute.”

    She sucked in her breath. “I know we just met but uhm- I saw your guild badge and it made me think-“

    Despite not having anywhere to really go today, Mallku felt impatient. “Sorry, but my guild is at least four towns over. I don’t think I can really-“

    “Fine” Ruby sighed.

    “But-“ Mallku looked at Ruby, focusing his attention for a minute before coming to a groan. “Listen, I can still give you something that might not be a shot at a guild… but still something. Something that might… pique your interest, if you’re the adventurous type. At this point I don’t really have any necessary qualifications, but I do want a little more info about you before we decide anything important” he continued. “Any help is appreciated.”

    If Ruby wasn’t listening before, she was listening now.

    Mallku looked behind him and pointed towards the sky. “In two days… Saturday yeah? I want you to meet me at the Disarming Voices… the uh… the diner. It’s two blocks down, then take a left, not hard to find. Meet me shortly after dawn. We can talk for a bit, and I’ll tell you my thoughts. Bring anyone you want, maybe even that Whimsicott over there. Just… not more than three. This is some sketchy business. Though, we would be getting into some much tighter spots without the extra hands, so hopefully this interests you enough.”

    Hell knows what I’m getting myself into in such desperation he sighed.

    With that, he slipped out of the gate in a moment’s notice, across the street and through an alleyway.

    The wind chilled right through Ruby’s petals as he left, forcing her to tighten them a little more. I wasn’t even trying to join the guild to be an explorer.. what does he… think I want? I… no, I can’t. But he was awfully generous so I guess it’s.. it’s fine. Fine. Fine, I’ll go the diner.

    Sketchy business. She peeked through her curtain to look around a little more. Best to leave before someone else notices.

    Ruby leaned down for a prayer. This better not be related to criminals. Shaymin knows well that dark types can’t be trusted.

    Right as she finished, Tori’s voice caught her off guard.

    “I heard everything. So… you really want to take this offer, huh?”

    Ruby glanced back. “Y-yeah I do. I’m just… worried.”

    “Nah, you shouldn’t be. Anyways.. I’m coming with you regardless of whether you try to stop me.” Tori patted Ruby’s back. “We can go back to my house now, if you want.”

    “Yeah, that’s fine.”

    I need answers, and some information to what this guy’s deal is. Also a good job in the medical field would nice. College sucks.

     

    ~

    “Fuck- I can’t remember. What berry did you say you liked?”

    Ruby blushed out of view, unfolding her petals as they both walked into Tori’s dusty little home. “I’ve known you for… what? Fourteen years? And you say you don’t remember.”

    Tori sighed, ruffling cotton all over the front door in irritation. “Can’t you just tell me!?”

    “Kelpsy. B-but Rawst is fine too.”

    The impatient Whimsicott nodded and darted down the hall towards the kitchen at the other side of the house, littering more cotton as she went. “I think I have some Rawst in here” she yowled. “Gonna have to check.”

    Ruby tidied her flowery little dress a little more before dropping her bag off at the front door. Now that they were alone, she had decided she would take a break to relax. And get some quality time with Tori.

    She nearly tripped over herself as she walked down the wooden hallway, glancing to her left to see a photo frame she didn’t recognize, causing her to stop. A Reuniclus along with Tori sitting on the tops of a copper-built roof at night while a Sinistea wearing a blue scarf floated in the background.

    When was this? I… don’t remember these people.. who is.. Before she could think any longer, Tori’s voice snapped her right out of her thoughts.

    “Gonna have to need a bit of help with this! Gabi keeps putting these things on the high shelves and forgetting I exist!”

    She darted straight for the kitchen, finding Tori uncomfortably reaching for a cabinet while stray cooking ware littered around her. Ruby shifted forward to move her stubs under Tori’s feet to boost her up, giving her enough height to grab a few Cheri, Rawst and Oran berries from the top cabinets.

    “Thanks..” she mumbled as Ruby let her down. “Next time I see Gabi I’m chewing her out.”

    Ruby nodded. “Hey Tori?”

    “Yup?”

    “What’s with the frame near the front of the house? The one with the Reuniclus and Sinistea?”

    “Oh… yeah, Gabi recently evolved two weeks ago from a Duosion. Sorry I didn’t tell you, she’s been out of the house with her new mentor so long that I must’ve forgot.”

    “The Sinistea?”

    Tori flicked a switch on the oven before glancing back. “Yeah uhm… Raya. She’s an old friend of Gabi’s. She recently had a big blowout with her old boyfriend, so she was just spending the night with us.”

    She smiled a little, guilt draping over her body. “Sorry we didn’t invite you… I know you had that test and everything and I wasn’t one to bother.”

    Ruby frowned sympathetically. “No no it’s fine.”

    The two of them stood in awkward silence as small embers started to rise underneath the pan of berries. Slowly, they began to cook and shrivel as the heat roared from beneath.

    Breaking the tension, Tori reached for a water cooler underneath a cabinet. “I’ll go boil some water. Can you go grab one of those tiny little cooking spoons and start moving the berries around a little?”

    Ruby sighed. “I can do that.”

    She’d have to trust Tori’s cooking expertise on this one. Quizically, she pulled open a drawer labeled “Silverware” and was surprised to see everything but spoons inside.

    Meeting Ruby’s confusion, Tori coughed a little. “A fork should be fine. Gabi is coming back tomorrow, she can help me handwash the rest.”

    A few minutes passed by of Tori cooking and directing Ruby to get or move around certain things, quieted by an air of silence lingering from an open window. After finally finishing the rest of it all, Ruby picked the conversation back up.

    “Hey… Tori. You think Gabi might want to come along with us to find more about that Mallku guy’s offer?”

    “I dunno maybe.”

    “Gabi has been trying and failing to get into a guild for more than four years. And I… I guess I just have this small hope that maybe this offer is close enough to what she’s looking for?”

    Tori sighed and glanced back. “We barely know much about this guy, give us all a break. Hell, this guy might be trying to manipulate us into something worse than we could imagine.”

    She crossed her arms. “But I still think you should talk to her. Take the shot.”

    “Right, thanks.”

    1 Comment

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    1. Mar 19, '24 at 1:56 am

      Heya, dropping in for a review of your story as part of V-Wheel. I’m not fully sure what this story is going to be about other than that you’ve got quite the summary for it there. But I suppose there’s only one way to find out, so let’s just jump into things:

      Chapter 1:

      Alright, so I admittedly have quite a few bones to pick with this chapter, but I did feel that in spite of it all that itdid a decently good job at introducing the characters to the audience and is nice and digestible. Ruby and Jemma both seem cute as characters and have some fun personalities, even if I kinda wish that we got to see a bit more of them either in dialogue or especially through their inner thought process to better see how they ticked.

      Though that said, as alluded, I noticed a number of flaws with this chapter while reading. The first thing that stood out to me is that some of your wording is a bit awkward. If you’re not doing so already, make a point of reading your story text aloud to yourself at least once in the process of editing it before publishing, since in general awkwardly-written sentences also sound awkward to the ear when read aloud.

      The other big issue that most of the others I found tie into is that your chapter would benefit a lot from more description in general. It would allow you to take the time to better set the surrounding scenery and get into the characters’ heads a bit more. Since there were a lot of moments where I found myself wondering what the environment was like or what was going through Ruby or Jemma’s heads, only for the story to not say anything about it. Going hand-in-hand, but a number of the things that are mentioned in the text, especially in passing, are done in vague terms that are a bit hard to parse from a lack of context. Take some time to spell things out more clearly, especially when they have implications for a character or their backstory. Lastly, you had a few details that felt like a bit of a non sequitur. The bit about the quizzing about typing after Tori was one of them where I wasn’t really sure why it was being brought up or what its significance was to either of the characters. Maybe that’s something that more detail would’ve made clearer, but if not, consider not bringing up topics that aren’t related to whatever needs to go down in your chapter.

      Chapter 2:

      My general impressions about this chapter aren’t all that different from Chapter 1’s, though it was meatier and as such there was more for me to have an opinion on. Though let’s start with the positives first: one again, the characterization is the star of the show. Tori and Mallku are the main standouts here and they both seem like they’re nice contrasts to Ruby in their own ways from what we got to see of them. I also thought that you did a decent job at teeing up things moving along in the plot with Mallku offering a meeting of a pretty dubious-sounding nature. Considering your summary, it might’ve made sense to try and hint a bit harder as to how Mallku’s antics relate to that (since realistically, he’s most likely going to be the conduit to Jirachi and the antics surrounding him), but what was there was still serviceable.

      As for criticisms, the long and short of it is that the same general issues as the Prologue also applied to this one, but in the interest of not being a broken record, I’ll focus on problems that were particularly standout in this one. The lack of description in this chapter is particularly visible, since there were multiple points where I had to stop and ask myself what was going on thanks to a lack of description of surroundings or internal thought processes (e.x. you seem to not do a lot of environmental or scene-setting description in general). It’s most noticeable in the scene with the bandit Electivire where for a moment, I didn’t realize that the Electivire got properly overpowered in it. I also noticed this chapter that you had an issue with abruptly head-hopping between different characters’ perspectives. While you can get away with it to an extent with omniscient PoV narration, you still need to take the time to transition from one character’s PoV to another otherwise it’ll read very jarring to go from one character’s mind and straight into another without any means of proverbially recentering the story’s focus.

      Summary:

      I’m admittedly a bit loath to pass too much judgment so far since even if you have a prologue and a proper standalone chapter following it, these two chapters combined feel very “first chapter” just in terms of setting up events for the future. That said, from what I did read, I do think that you should strongly consider taking some time to polish your work a bit more, since the flaws I found with your writing made it a bit hard for me to get into your story. I don’t know whether you’ll find that more helpful as something to apply towards your later chapters, or if you’ll one day go back to touch up your already existing ones, but hopefully the feedback was helpful for you, even if it probably wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

      Best wishes, and good luck with your future writing.