A Rude Awakening

Acorn Woods clearing was the perfect spot for a lovely young couple to go on their first date. Rattata had been waiting to shoot his shot for a long time now, mulling over romantic ideas every time the two of them spoke, and was thrilled when his potential soulmate agreed on attending a pleasant afternoon picnic. Today was the day, the Rattata thought. He was going to ask this Patrat to be his girlfriend.

Although everything was going according to his plan, Rattata couldn’t possibly have anticipated a lunatic Rufflet barreling out of the trees in a screeching frenzy. The crazed Flying Type swung his talons at the two Pokémon, shredding their picnic blanket and striking fear into poor Patrat– who was screaming in terror as she hurriedly scampered off.

“Patrat! Wait!” Rattata held a paw out after her, but the other Pokémon fled without looking back. He turned his head and growled at the Rufflet– preparing for a fight. “What the hell, you stupid feral! This was my chance!” The rat Pokémon’s two front teeth shimmered with the bright energy of a charging attack.

“You’ve asked for it–” were Rattata’s last words before taking a Poison Gas to the face. As he spluttered and coughed on the toxins, Rattata realized far too late that Patrat had the right idea about running away. Right as he turned tail, the Rufflet grabbed him by the neck and unceremoniously snapped it.

“HA-HAHAHA!” The Rufflet exclaimed triumphantly, his chest feathers puffing out as he kicked the limp Rattata out of his claws. “We did it, men! The weird monster has been eliminated. VICTORY IS OURS!”

The Stunky responsible for the Poison Gas waddled up to the overly excited bird Pokémon, a proud smile expressing his own sense of triumph. “Y’know what, lad? I think I’m getting used to this ‘ere mutant ‘n magical-skunk body!” The Stunky let out a laugh from his belly, but received a glare from an approaching Zorua.

“Imbeciles, the both of you.” The Zorua pushed past both of them so he could examine Rattata’s corpse. Its eyes were already beaded and lifeless. Zorua rubbed his forehead with a paw. “You completely wasted an opportunity to interrogate this creature. Now, that other rat is likely headed to warn others of our presence.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. They’re animals! They couldn’t possibly be civilized enough to give us any answers.” Rufflet glanced back down at his kill, rubbing the bottom of his beak with a wing. “Although, now that I think about it, he was shouting at me…” The Flying Type shrugged the thought away, waving his feathers dismissively. “Either way, if Demoman and I hadn’t neutralized the enemy, they obviously would have taken the opportunity to ambush us first!”

“They were havin’ a picnic, mate.” A disgruntled Sobble grumbled as he crawled up to the three of them, five more Pokémon trailing behind. “Not only could they probably ‘ave given us some intel, but I don’t think either of them were planning on launching an attack any time soon.”

“What a wasted opportunity.” A Zorua sighed at the ground. “Oh well. We’re likely to find another one of those monsters. Perhaps we could catch up to the other one you morons frightened off?”

“Hmph. Fat chance we catch up to it when most of us can hardly figure out how to move.” A Scraggy said while gesturing to the Rotom who was being cradled by a large Bunnelby. “I haven’t stopped tripping on these stupid stubby legs since we woke up!”

“This dream is so fascinating!” An Audino in the back of the group smiled to himself. “When I wake up, I simply must journal it.”

The Sobble sighed. “Oi Medic… For the last time; this isn’t no dream. We’re all really us.” The little Water Type looked down at his body and sighed again, flexing his dangly and awkward digits. “Unfortunately. How the hell am I supposed to fire a weapon with these wimpy hands…”

“Ha! Weapons.” The Bunnelby walked forward, clearly an unnatural movement for his rabbit body to be making. “What weapons? Where exactly is weapons, hmm?” He checked under his foot, then behind his back, before glaring at the Sobble below him. “I see no weapons.”

“Clearly we aren’t defenseless.” Zorua waved his nubby hand towards Rufflet’s still twitching fresh kill. “Whatever unfamiliar things we have been morphed into have dangerous attributes, some more repulsive than others.” The Zorua said while giving Stunky the side eye.

“Hah! Hate it all you like, Spy!” Stunky’s tail twitched happily, “I haven’t had depth perception this good in YEARS!” The Poison Type pointed dramatically at his left eye, fully functioning in its socket. “Decent trade off, I say!”

A low murmur amongst the group implied the general consensus was quite the opposite.

“As thrilling as it is that you’re no longer a one-eyed freak,” Zorua hopped up onto a rock to gain an authoritative position over everyone else. “We still need answers. Anyone have any ideas? No such thing as a bad one, they say.”

“I USE MY NEW INCREDIBLE MAGIC EAGLE POWERS TO FLY AFTER THAT BROWN RAT AND END ITS MISERABLE LIFE SO IT CAN NO LONGER AVENGE ITS EXECUTED COMRAD!”

The Zorua’s paw returned to his forehead. “Nevermind. That’s a terrible idea. Once again, Soldier, you’ve proven me wrong in the most idiotic fashion.”

The Rufflet’s beak turned to a smile as he gave the Zorua a “thumbs up” with his wing.

“Anyone else?” Zorua quickly moved on. “Anyone at all?” The group glanced around at one another for a few seconds in deafening silence. Zorua’s paw did not move from his scalp. “I see. I don’t know why I even bothered asking.”

“What, it’s not like you’ve come up with anything!” Scraggy scoffed as he crossed his noodly arms. “Go on Spy, since you’re just so much better than us– tell us your bright idea.”

The Zorua’s ear flicked from clear irritation, but not a single word escaped his new dog-like mouth. Scraggy smirked as he started to make his way towards the rock. “That’s what I thought, wise guy. Any dumbass can stand up on an incline and act like they’re in charge. Watch.”

Scraggy fumbled for a minute as he pulled himself up onto the jagged stone. He placed his hands on his hips once he was at the top, and made an ugly face while pitching up his voice. “Hey everybody! Look at me! I’m Spy! I think I’m hot stuff– even though I usually smell worse than Demo-skunk over ‘dere!”

A few among the group laughed to themselves, making the Zorua sneer. “Haha. Very funny, you miserable welp. Go on then.” The fox Pokémon hopped to the ground and looked up at Scraggy in mocking expectancy. “You lead then.”

“Uhh…” Suddenly the Fighting Type clammed up, and those in the miniature crowd who were already laughing raised in volume. “Well, uhh… we should probably… uhm…” Scraggy looked around the clearing for something that stood out to him, then suddenly perked up as he saw what looked to be the way out of the forest. “Obviously we should find a way out of this place, right? Nothing’s gonna get done in this maze of trees, yeah?”

“Hmm, well, that’s an alright idea. ‘Zat other mouse ran towards that door-reminiscent gap in the woods, ja? So, logically, that way will take us to the nearest settlement of mysterious creatures.” Audino’s ears jingled in a display of delight.

“I agree with Doktor.” Bunnelby nodded sagely. The Salandit sitting next to him nodded its head as well. Everyone else settled on it silently before watching as Rufflet charged ahead into the forest proper. The other eight Pokémon followed after him a second or two after. The clearing shifted into a menacing tangle as the group traveled deeper into the Mystery Dungeon.

Nine unique humans all pulled from their world into one they couldn’t possibly hope to understand. Amusing, isn’t it? It seems illogical for a Pokémon of power to bring these specific men across time and space for a mission usually fit for one human of a much purer heart. Such is the mystery of life itself– but perhaps it’s truly as simple as hiring the right men for the job. What might one call those you pay to fight, and perhaps… kill? Ah, yes. That’s right: mercenaries.

Soldier was adjusting quickly to his new feathery form, to the point where he was attempting to use his wings to gain some air. Exploring these new abilities was exciting to him, so exciting that it was easier for his mind and body to embrace the Pokémon’s natural instincts. A small flutter paired with a strong jump was enough to launch Soldier up towards the forest roof. He was able to get a decent look at the branching path ahead before slowly descending back down to the ground. Having beaten his associates to the end of the road by a mile, Soldier just stood there as he waited for the rest of the group to catch up.

“It’s amusing that my subconscious would assign such an adorable creature to you, mein freund.” Medic mused as he looked down at Heavy. “A rabbit of all things, hah. I wonder what it means…”

“Doktor, when you wake up…” Heavy reached up to fidget with one of his ears. “Please do not tell others I was bunny rabbit in dream.”

“Your secret is safe with me. I haven’t fared much differently in the, eh-hem, ‘bunny-rabbit’ department have I?” Medic reached up to fidget with his own, strange ears. “Dreams truly are wondrous things.”

“Once again,” Spy’s tail twitched as he glared at the both of them. “We are not dreaming, gentlemen. More certainly, you are not dreaming, Medic. This is a reality that we are all equally aware of. And, Heavy, if Medic was dreaming, why would you be consciou–”

Pyro tapped one of its claws against Spy’s shoulder before pointing at a statue-still Soldier parked right in front of the crossroads. Spy shook his head solemnly before hurrying his way over to his bird-bodied companion. “Is something the matter, Soldier?”

“There’s a fork in the road.” Soldier declared, unflinching. “I did not know which way to advance.”

“Ah, I see.” Spy glanced at the two paths and couldn’t discern much of a difference between either of them. “Perhaps we should send someone to, how do you say, scout ahead and let the rest of us know which is the right way?”

“Fine.” Scout pulled up his uncomfortable shed-skin layer, which just fell back down with a fwumph. “But don’t expect my usual speedy report! I feel like a fucking toddler…”

As Scout ran as best he could down the left route, everyone else silently bided their time for a few seconds before Engineer cleared his throat. “Hey Heavy, can you set me down? I want to try moving again.”

Heavy did as requested and put the orange creature on the forest floor. Everyone watched as the Rotom’s little body generated a few sparks, but nothing much happened aside from that. Engineer let out a dejected sigh, “Nevermind. I still can’t figure out how I’m supposed to do anything like this. Why am I the only one of us who isn’t some sorta animal thing?”

Heavy shrugged his shoulders as he picked Engineer back up. “Doktor’s mind must find humor in making you puny spinning-top toy.”

“Heavy, for the last time.” Spy growled, “This isn’t–”

“Uh, guys?” Scout peaked his head back around the corner. “You might wanna come check this out.”

All eight of the other mercs gave each other perplexed glances before following Scout down the left path. After a turn or two, it led into a large clearing with one very distinct feature: a large staircase in the middle that led to absolutely nothing. Although peculiar, clearly this didn’t inspire any hope from anyone.

“Great work, Scout.” Spy chuckled. “You have located a cubist sculpture in the woods. I’d clap if I still had hands.”

“It is a pretty weird fixture though, isn’t it?” Engineer’s new body sparked with intrigue. “Maybe it holds some sort of secret? Worth a gander, in my opinion.”

Soldier was the one to flutter ahead and climb up one of the steps. “Doesn’t seem out of the ordinary beyond being out of place,” he remarked as he hopped up another step. “Maybe the top will be a good vantage point?”

“You might actually be right, mate.” Sniper started to make his own way up the mysterious staircase. “Let me take a look and see if I can spot the way out of ‘ere.”

Sniper’s Sobble crawling was a little slow compared to Soldier’s half-flight, but it didn’t take too long for him to reach the final step. However, once at the top– his body flickered like a hologram and disappeared from everyone’s sight.

Soldier let out a squawk of horror as he tumbled back down the steps. “KILLER STAIRS! KILLER STAIRS! ABORT! ABORT!”

“Wh-what the hell happened to him?!” Scout’s voice trembled. “Sniper? Sniper! Hello?!”

“Staircase has him!” Heavy dropped Engineer to the ground as he rushed over to punch and kick at the steps. “Release comrade! Now!”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen! Relax.” Spy scoffed as he approached the stairs. “Clearly this is some sort of deception. I of all people would know one does not simply vanish into thin air without explanation.” Spy started to walk up the stairs himself, but Heavy was quick to pull him off and toss him to the ground.

Heavy roared loudly. “Stay back! We will not lose more men to Demon Stairs!”

Spy unflinchingly dusted himself off and shook his head. “Just let me investigate.”

Scout laughed, “Yeah, c’mon. The worst that could happen is Spy dies.” He let out a chuckle as he elbowed Soldier in the side, but the Rufflet didn’t seem to get what was so funny.

“None of us can be sure it’s safe, but… Spy has a point.” Engineer muttered from the ground. With a couple of ghostly sparks, his body started to hover into the air. He looked impressed with himself despite all the unstable jittering. “Teleporters take us from point A to point B, right? Maybe that’s just what this is?”

“True, however. If ‘zat really were the case…” Medic approached the marble staircase and rested a soft paw on its side, his eyes gleaming with curiosity. “Sniper would be able to come back through to us.” Everyone followed Medic’s gaze to the top of the steps with a foreboding sense of tension. After a few more moments passed, it was clear that Sniper was not going to be reappearing where he once was. Medic shook his head solemnly, “Nothing like ‘ze teleporters, then.”

“Ugh– Bloody Hell, I’m gettin’ tired ah this!” Demoman shoved ahead and booked it up the stairs as fast as his four legs could carry him. “You only live once, lads! Gah-hahaha!”

“WAIT–” A collective few shouted up at the Stunky. Engineer tried to hover after him, but it only took a couple seconds for the lightning around his body to vanish and send him falling back down to the ground. Demoman hopped onto the last step, his Pokémon form flickering before disappearing– exactly as Sniper had done before him. Everyone stared at the empty space where he once was until Spy loudly cleared his throat.

“That settles that then. See you all on the other side.”

Spy smirked as he trotted up the stairs and flickered away. Soldier too would rush up the flight of stairs into nothingness. Pyro shrugged its shoulders and followed after. Medic picked up Engineer and was the next to leave, and Heavy was quick to go after everyone once Medic was gone. Scout was left all alone at the bottom of the stairs.

The Scraggy whistled for a little while, kicked his leg around, looked behind him… then sighed. “Alright, fine. Knuckleheads…” Scout nervously ascended the stairs and made it to the top, where a vaguely familiar sensation overtook him. It was quite similar to warping, actually– just as Medic and Engineer hypothesized. Though, as he took his final step to the top, it kind of felt like he had to pass through a fragile layer of cling wrap.

The realm Scout had walked into was hardly different from the forest from before. In fact, it was exactly the same. Before he could ask himself what the deal was, a sharp needle flew above his head and forced the Scraggy to duck. Staring down at him from across the room was a massive hornet, unlike anything Scout could have possibly fathomed in his life.

“CHARGE!” Soldier shouted over the chaos before launching himself at the Beedrill. He bashed a glowing wing into the insect’s carapass, sending the Bug Type plummeting to the ground. “Take that, you wretched parasite! That’s what you get for messing with the likes of us!”

“Watch out, mate!” Sniper’s voice came from an unfamiliar monster; it looked a lot like the little blue one from before but taller and with larger hands. “Scout, behind you!”

Scout swiveled around and fell to his back at the sight of a Beedrill right in his face. It hissed as it lifted one of its sharp, javelin-like arms and readied a calculated stab. With a combination of fear and instinct, Scout hopped back up as fast as he could and bashed his head into his opponent. The Beedrill was forced to back off, but wasn’t completely knocked out like the one Soldier has fought.

“Anyone want to back me up while also filling me in on what the hell is going on?!” Scout shouted back at the rest of the group, prompting Heavy to speed across the room and slam his body into the Beedrill Scout was fighting. The Scraggy couldn’t help shuddering– how the heck was Heavy of all people moving faster than him?

“Monsters fell from ceiling out of nowhere!” Heavy said with a growl.

“They all showed up when I climbed to the top of those stairs.” The Sniper sounding Drizzile rubbed a bit of blood off his cheek with a bloated hand. “My body started to glow and shift once I knocked one of ’em out! Don’t know what the ‘ell happened, but I feel a lot stronger now.”

“S-someone! H-help!” Medic’s shrill voice exclaimed from the corner of the room. Heavy turned towards the cry and growled while using Quick Attack to come to his aid. Two Beedrill were harassing the doctor, who didn’t seem capable of mustering up his new body’s powers to defend himself.

Pyro was also quick to Medic’s side, coughing up a chunk of fire out from its throat and igniting one of the enemy Pokémon. The Beedrill shrieked in pain, buzzing far away from the mercs in a desperate attempt of self preservation. Pyro smirked before launching another spit of fire, which disintegrated the Beedrill’s wings into ash. The writhing creature collapsed to the ground, dead, in a matter of seconds.

Everyone looked on in horror for a few moments, even a few of the other Beedrill.

“How pleasant…” Spy mumbled to himself. “Our friend Pyro can now materialize fire from their gullet.”

After such a horrific display, the remaining few Beedrill turned tail and flew as fast as they could away from the group of mercenaries.

“Victory is ours!” Soldier chanted as he did what could only be described as a little dance.

Medic reached for his arm and winced in pain. “I do not feel so well…” He mumbled up at Heavy with tired eyes. “Something is very wrong… I…” Medic fell to one knee and trembled slightly. “This truly is no dream, isn’t it?…”

Sniper hurried himself over to Medic’s side and investigated the Audino’s fresh gash in his arm. “Something ain’t right. I think that wasp had some venom in it. Better take a seat, mate. This might need to be siphoned out somehow.”

“Oh dear…” Medic let himself falter, his backside hitting the dirty forest floor. “If we had my equipment…”

“Yeah, well, we don’t.” Sniper frowned at the violent wound on his co-worker’s arm. “Deep breaths. Animals like that aren’t entirely unfamiliar to me, but I don’t know if these lizard lips can do the job of sucking out the poison.” Sniper glanced around at everyone. “Actually, I don’t know if any one of us could properly do the job.”

“Doktor will not be dying on my watch! Out of the way!” Heavy shoved Sniper to the side and scanned the ground, grabbing a pink berry resting against a tree and shoving it into Medic’s mouth. “Bite hard into this to distract from pain!”

Medic did as he was told and bit into the fruit, too delirious from the venom to decide on his own whether or not this was a good idea. Heavy positioned his cute little mouth over Medic’s gushing wound to try and suck out the venom, before the Audino suddenly perked up. “Wait a minute!” Heavy lifted his head in a startled motion, joining the others in watching the doctor take huge bites from the plump berry– juice dripping down his chin. Everyone could see, clear as day, the sickly color leaving Medic’s face. “The fruit! It cured me!”

“What? That’s impossible.” Spy shoved ahead of everyone to take a look at Medic, unable to reasonably deny how healthy he looked aside from the still present stab to the arm. This didn’t seem to be bothering the Audino, though. In fact, Medic started to scan the ground for other berries that were lying around.

“Completely possible!” Medic exclaimed as he picked a seed that was about the size of his palm up from the ground and shoved it into Heavy’s arms. “Try this one! I must know what these flora are capable of!”

“Uh– maybe we shouldn’t be shoving anything and everything we find into our mouths?” Engineer said with a frown. “Also, are we sure that actually cured him of that poisoning?”

Before anyone else could give their two cents about the weird miracle fruit, Heavy had eaten the yellow seed Medic gave him. After a pause, his eyelids fluttered shut. The big Bunnelby fell to the ground with a loud thud and started snoring like a baby.

“Fascinating!” Medic exclaimed with glee, clapping his hands together. “He’s fast asleep! Perhaps something around here can wake him–”

“Medic, please.” Sniper sighed at the ground. “Let’s do this later, alright? Thanks to your little experiment, now we gotta lug Heavy around.”

Scout and Pyro were kicking and prodding at him, but Heavy remained knocked out. “I think we could shoot him in the foot and he would still be sound asleep.” Scout remarked as he peeled one of Heavy’s eyelids open then let it snap back down. “Imagine if we could get someone we were fighting to eat one of these. It would become the easiest fight of our lives.”

“We best be on our way.” Spy remarked as a foreboding wind started to stir around them. “I am beginning to get an even worse feeling about this place. Scout, Sniper, you two carry Heavy.”

“What?! Why me!” Scout let out a shrill whine. “Medic was the one to put him to sleep!”

“Medic’s arm has been impaled. Don’t be such a baby.” Spy rolled his eyes as he started to walk forward, but Scout still didn’t budge. “Besides, you are one of the few of us standing on your back legs. Make use of those arms, noodle boy.”

“N–” Scout growled. “Noodle boy?!” He gave a dejected look down at his unfortunately thin Scraggy arms and sighed. “Whatever. Fucking Spy with his stupid… fox face.” Scout picked heavy up by his ears while Sniper was already holding the big guy by the feet. “Lookin’ like a stupid dog thing…”

“Uhh, anyone think they can help me out?” Engineer hollered from the ground. “I still can’t really–”

Pyro giggled as it cradled the imobile Rottom into its arms, and the slick lizard walked forward awkwardly on its back legs.

“Thanks, partner.” Engineer sighed. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I won’t be a burden like this for much longer. I’ll figure this body out somehow.”

The mercenaries continued their way through the maze of paths and trees, doing the best the lot of them could to stay focused on the mission at hand. Medic picked up almost any item he came across, wishing very quickly that he had some sort of bag to put it all in.

“If the pink one cured my venomous ailment… I wonder what all these other berries do?”

“I’m not trying one until you’ve sorted that out, doc.” Sniper said with a grunt. “I don’t wanna end up like Heavy here. Mate’s damn near sedated.”

As if right on queue, Heavy snorted himself awake and stared up at the two Pokémon carrying him. “Eh? What happened?”

“Ugh, finally.” Scout grumbled as he dropped Heavy’s head and let it slam against the ground. “That seed you ate put you to sleep, big guy. Maybe don’t eat random crap Medic tells you to eat just because he says so. Aren’t you tired of being his lab rat?”

“But…”Heavy looked down at his paws and flexed them. “I am rabbit– Not a rat.”

“That’s not what I–” Scout sighed. “Y’know what, forget about it. I’m just glad I don’t have to carry you anymore.”

“Ah, excuse my uselessness, then.” Heavy wiggled his feet out of Sniper’s freaky glove-hands and stood up. “Puny Scout will not have to carry me again.”

“Hey! I’m not puny!” Scout shoved his head up towards Heavy’s new adorable face. “I could have carried your ass without Sniper’s help if I had to!”

“Relax, relax.” Heavy’s nose twitched. “I was not trying to offend you. Honestly.”

“I see another one of those staircases.” Spy shouted back at the bickering men behind him. “Quit dilly-dallying and let us move on to the next area.”

Scout and Heavy glanced silently at each other before catching up with the rest. Spy was right; the next room they entered had another one of those off-putting marble stairs in the middle of it.

“No hesitation this time, right lads?” Demoman approached the steps with the same gusto he did last time. “Top takes us to another room just like this, so there isn’t a reason to be squirrely about it!”

“Even though we know it’s safe, do we really think it’s what we’re supposed to be doing?” Engineer muttered from Pyro’s arms. “I mean, what if it’s just an infinite loop… made to torture us indefinitely. Not that I really think that, mind you.” Engineer said while glancing down at the forest floor. “But, it wouldn’t be very pleasant if it was.”

“We don’t exactly have a lot of other options.” Spy spoke with a sense of absoluteness. “I’ve withheld this from you all until now, but I get the feeling that bad things will happen if we stay still for too long. I believe I finally understand how a mutt might feel when it wants to bark at nothing.”

“Bok-bokbokbok!” Scout laughed to himself. “Aww, you scared of the spooky wind, Spy?”

“Hmph. So, you noticed it too, then?” Spy remarked.

“Oh, uhh…” Scout’s teasing faded as he glanced away from the Zorua. “Yeah. I did.”

“Enough gabbin’!” Demoman shouted down at everyone from the fourth or fifth step. “I’m out of here!”

Demoman vanished as he made it to the top of the steps, which no one was surprised by this time– but it was still uncomfortable to watch. It was like getting used to the teleporters all over again. This time there was a lot less hesitation in advancing forward, but the order remained somewhat the same. On the other side of the stairs was no swarm of Beedrill, much to the relief of most of the mercenaries. Soldier looked a little disappointed that there wasn’t anything in the immediate area to rip apart.

Once all nine of the mercs were accounted for, Spy continued to lead the group through the dungeon. Scout’s tail twitched beneath his dead skin pants. What made Spy think he had any reason to be parading around in front of everyone like some sort of impromptu commander? Scout realized he’d rather literally anyone else take charge, but for some reason no one was. After a deep breath used to puff out his chest, Scout marched ahead of everyone and started to take the lead down the path.

“I’ll run ahead and find more of those stairs.” Scout looked back at everyone.

“Be my guest.” Spy smirked. “It’s nice to see you actually doing your job.”

Scout leered back at him for a few seconds before scoffing, performing an about-face, then jogging down the path to the nearest diverging turns. Both ways lead into a long stretch that didn’t seem to connect into a room anytime soon. Scout glanced back and forth before ultimately deciding on the path to the right. “I’ll find the next room, and the cube-freakin’-whatever art piece– just like how I found the first one!”

Spy watched a distant Scout talk to himself before looking back at everyone else. “How is your stab wound, Medic?”

“Oh? Hardly a bother, really.” Medic looked down at his arm, the fur around the gash now caked with dried blood. “It was mostly the hornet poison making me woozy. I can handle a bit of impaling.” Medic laughed to himself, which jostled his pile of berries and seeds. A blue berry shaped vaguely like an orange tumbled to the ground because of this. “Ah–”

“I got it,” Sniper scooped the spherical fruit into his hands and placed it back in Medic’s arms. “That one smells pretty good, actually.”

“A rather peculiar comment, Sniper.” Engineer chuckled to himself. “Your new animal nose givin’ you a new lens of life?”

Sniper scratched under his chin and avoided looking at anyone else. “Ah, well… I guess so. I dunno. For some reason, I just really want to eat it.”

“Makes sense, actually!” Medic grabbed the berry with his free hand and sniffed it, then laughed as his tail couldn’t help but start to wag. “My body trusts this peculiar fruit, perhaps I should give this one a chance?”

“Just don’t put yourself to sleep.” Sniper crossed his arms.

“Or die.” Spy grumbled to himself.

Medic took a small bite of the berry and instantly perked up. “Deadly or not, it’s delicious! I’ve never consumed a fruit so tantalizing before!”

“Oi, doc… it doesn’t seem to just taste good. Look!” Sniper pointed at Medic’s wound, which was now sealing shut and disinfecting itself. Medic gasped with delight as he continued to eat the berry, and once he was finished with it– the wound was in much better condition. In fact, it was almost completely healed.

“Would you look at that! It’s just like your Medi Gun!” Soldier proclaimed. “It’s almost as if you weren’t even stabbed.”

“This is fantastic! This whole realm is filled with botanicals that put modern medicine to shame!” Medic shoved all of his new items into Heavy’s arms and rushed off to pick up even more. A few among the group of mercs snickered as their pink doctor pranced about the forest claiming anything that looked even sort of interesting.

“You know, I already thought he was a bit of a fairy–” Soldier was cut off by a side glance from Heavy.

“Cut him some slack.” Spy shook his head, but a smile dressed his muzzle. “Part of him might still believe this is all fantasy.”

Pyro nodded to itself, and soon everyone seemed content with that being the explanation for Medic’s peculiar attitude.

The group made their way down the hall and found themselves at the same intersection Scout found just minutes before. Spy glanced down both of the paths and chuckled to himself. No sign of the big-shot brat anywhere. “Since we’re still lacking a report, which way do you all suppose we go?”

Almost everyone spoke at once, and there was no unified answer between “left” and “right.”

“…I don’t know what I was expecting.” Spy shook his head, “let’s hold a vote then. Seems like a fair enough way to decide which way to g–”

“HOLY SHIT– HOLY FUCK! INCOMING! INCOMING!” Scout came running down the road as fast as his Scraggy legs could carry him, but was flung by a dazzling orb or radiant green energy striking the ground by his feet. Before anyone could get a good laugh at him, the monster on his trail revealed herself.

The verdant deer lept almost fifty feet forward, landing inches away from Scout’s round little head. She was a graceful creature, but her eyes were blazing with an undeniable fury. “I am Virizion, guardian of the Pokémon in these woods.” Sharp pillars of white light were cast from the creature’s horns, and her gaze fell to the Scraggy below her. “You are no exploration team, nor are you Pokémon of the forest. I sense an undeniable evil in each and every one of your auras.” Before anyone could dispute this, Virizion lifted her head and readied a strike. “Prepare to be vanquished by a Sword of Justice!”

Soldier snarled and charged forward without hesitation. His wings were enveloped with a small glow as he rushed in to protect Scout, but their new opponent smirked as it clashed the Sacred Sword into Soldier’s tiny Rufflet body. This sent him flying– and colliding hard against a tree. Soldier fell to the dirt face first– completely unconscious. Medic rushed to Soldier’s side, trying his hardest to shove one of those blue berries he had been hoarding into his companion’s mouth.

Virizion tilted her chin upwards, “truly a valiant effort. However, none of you are any match for a Legendary Pokémon such as myself.” Her eyes darkened as she glared back down at Scout, horns still radiating light. “You don’t belong here.”

“Y-you think we don’t know that already!” Scout hissed through his teeth. “We don’t want to be these weird fucked up animals! We just– just woke up like this!”

The large Pokémon glared even harder at Scout and wordlessly brought her weapon down upon him, but Scout acted fast enough to roll out of the way. The remaining mercenaries stanced up to fight their new opponent, and Virizion’s smile shifted to hint that she was at least a little impressed. The Legendary reared up on her back legs and flailed her front hooves with a sense of purpose. The Swords Dance left her looking a great deal stronger, and the air around them grew tense. “Face the sharpened end of my Sacred Sword, you bastards! Remember the name Virizion as you’re all sent back to the repulsive realm you came fr–”

Interrupted by a Poison Gas to the face, Virizion snarled at Demoman’s hindquarters.

“Ha-hahaha! Not so spiffy now, are ye?” The Stunky grinned back at the Legendary beast with little to no fear. Revolted, Virizion swung another Sacred Sword attack– this time aiming for Demoman. However, she was interrupted once again, this time by fire being spat at her side. Virizion hissed in pain as she looked down at Pyro, whose tail was twitching happily as it still held Engineer.

“How dare you?”

Pyro snickered while coughing up another Ember, but this time Virizion dodged. The Legendary Pokémon leaped over the Salandit’s head and, once she was behind it, slammed her body into the little lizard. Pyro screeched in dismay as it was flung down the path, and Engineer came flying out of its hands.

Engineer’s body kept rolling down the path, much to the poor Rotom’s despair. “Fellas! Fellas– someone stop me before I–” But it was too late; Engineer rolled downhill and far away from everyone else.

During the commotion, Scout had scurried over to Medic and Soldier. “How’s he holding up?”

“Not good, I’m afraid. I can’t get him to eat any of these miracle plants while unconscious.” Medic passed the Oran Berry he was trying to force feed Soldier to Scout. “Consume this and help the others! I need that monster to stay distracted.”

“Got it, doc.” Scout lifted the fruit towards his mouth before hesitating. “Wait, how is this supposed to–”

Medic looked up at him with a sharp grin and determined eyes, pointing at his faded scar from the Beedrill attack. “Trust me, Scout.”

Nervously, Scout took a small bite of the berry and expected the worst– but immediately perked up by the refreshing taste of it alone. With a pep in his step and a wag to his tail, Scout rushed back over to the fight and slammed his head into Virizion’s side while she was distracted by Pyro.

Virizion reared up on her hind legs and roared down at the mercenaries below her. “ENOUGH!” Glowing leaves started to whirl around her. “I’m done playing! Say farewell, fiends!”

“Brace yourselves!” Heavy called to everyone while shielding his face with his large ears.

The leaves erupted from Virizion and honed in on everyone around her, quickly cutting the mercs with sharp foliage. The attack splitting in so many directions appeared to dilute the damage, but Sniper was still knocked on his ass by the barrage of leaves– joining Soldier in the realm of unconsciousness.

Opposite to that, Pyro hardly seemed bothered by the leaves bouncing off its scales. The Salandit used the opportunity to rush over to Heavy and grab one of the yellow seeds he was still holding onto for Medic. The Salandit gripped it tight before throwing it as hard as possible at Virizion. The seed’s outer shell cracked against Virizion’s horn and exploded into a sickly pollen that Virizion did not seem to like. She was now trembling and unable to move from her spot.

“Excellent work, Pyro!” Medic called from the sidelines.

“Ugh, y-you l-little… I…” Virizion could hardly spit out a sentence with her stiff, jittering mouth.

Spy shouted over the chaos. “We cannot possibly hope to take this thing down. Let us make a tactical retreat!”

“Nonsense,” Heavy scoffed. “Surely this ‘Virizion’ is almost dead?”

Scout shook his head feverishly. “Are you out of ya’ mind? We’ve hit this thing like a bunch of times and she’s fine, but one hit knocks most of us down for the count! We’re way out of our league here.”

“For once, I agree with Scout.” Spy nodded his head. “Grab our injured men, locate Engineer, and let’s get moving!”

“Here,” Scout took everything Heavy was holding onto for Medic and pointed at Sniper. The Bunnelby nodded his head in understanding and lifted the limp Drizzle up the best he could, attempting to swing Sniper over his shoulder.

Medic followed his friend’s example and lifted Soldier into his arms, though he was a little upset that he could no longer carry all the new items he had found. Unfortunately, he was one of the few who could actually carry another Pokémon.

Meanwhile, Demoman had rushed over to the small hill to go fetch the lost Rotom. It didn’t take him long to come scurrying back, and the others couldn’t help sharing a laugh when they saw the little orange Pokémon sticking out of the Stunky’s mouth. Engineer was not as amused.

“Can one of you fellas please get me out of this–”

Engineer’s plea was answered by Pyro, who grabbed the little Pokémon with its claws before also just holding him in its mouth. The Rotom let out a dejected sigh.

“Enough fooling around.” Spy scoffed as he marched ahead. “Let’s move!”

As the group started moving out, Virizion snarled through her teeth. “R-run all you like… The Swords of Justice will find you.”

Scout turned around to face the Legendary Pokémon struggling behind him. He couldn’t help flashing her an overconfident smirk. “Well, if the rest of these ‘Justice Swords’ are as lame as you are, it’ll be no problem.”

Virizion leered in retaliation, but a smirk worked its way onto her face. “Pardon, but I thought you said I was ‘out of your league’?”

Scout blushed slightly and turned away. “Well, yeah. I said that, but–”

“Scout! Hurry up!” Spy shouted from the end of the path. The Scraggy blinked a few times before shaking his head and rushing after the rest of the mercs. Virizion’s smile faltered.

Those nine were going to cause nothing but harm to their world, Virizion was sure of that. Her legs ached as she pushed as hard as she could to break out of the paralysis, but Virizion just wasn’t capable of freeing herself from the Stun Seed’s effects. She wouldn’t be able to chase after them– not like this. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath… Virizion began waiting patiently.

“They can’t run away forever.”

All nine of the mercenaries rushed up the final flight of stairs, stumbling headfirst into the final floor. It was a large clearing, with not a single foe in sight.

“Thank God. I was not in the mood for another fight.” Scout scoffed.

“That Virizion creature is likely still after us.” Medic declared. “We should keep moving.”

Scout scanned the clearing for a clear way out, but the whole area was encased by a thick wall of trees and foliage. “But, where do we even keep moving to? I don’t see any of those stairs.”

“Look! Over there!” Engineer called from Pyro’s mouth. Everyone turned their heads toward the massive metallic platform at the far end of the room. It was glowing with a mysterious light. “Bring me to it!” The Texan ordered his Salandit carrier. Pyro followed Engineer’s command, and the Rotom forcefully wiggled his way out of its mouth to get a better look– hovering carefully in place to the best of his ability. His body twitched and sparked, but he managed to remain upright. “Huh… What do y’all suppose this thing is?”

Spy approached the contraption, but walked past it– looking down at a small chest that was tucked away nearby. The Zorua used his head to push the box closer to the others. Once Scout’s eyes landed on it, he shoved ahead– items spilling from his hands as he did so.

“A treasure chest! Let’s crack this thing open!”

“Hold on. Haven’t you considered this might be a trap?”

But Scout didn’t listen, and dropped everything remaining in his arms to force the box open. He struggled quite a bit before noticing a small latch, and tried to play off his embarrassment while quietly unhooking it.

With a chime and a glitter of lights, the chest opened up all on its own. Anyone looking over Scout’s shoulder would see its contents: a mysterious looking key and a letter. “The heck? It’s just a piece of paper with words on it.”

“Let me see.” Spy snatched the letter into his paws and unfolded it on the ground. “Ahem–
Dear Mercenaries, I’m sure you have a lot of questions you’re desperate to find answers to. I’m sorry that, for now, most things will have to remain a mystery. However, I can brief you on a few things.”

“For starters, Welcome to the World of Pokémon.”

“Pok-é-mon?” Heavy tilted his head, his Bunnelby ears dropping downwards.

“…We Pokémon have brought humans here from other worlds to save us from catastrophes for countless millennia, and this is no different… more or less. I have summoned you all because when looking into your realm, I found you to be the perfect fit for the job. However, I have done so without the permission of my peers. Therefore, we must keep this operation a secret. I hope you all understand.

For now, I cannot tell you who I am. Consider me your new employer. I have a mission, one that I will explain to you in greater detail soon, but for now… You all need to make your way to the nearest town from here– Quest Town, and settle in among the rest of the Pokémon there.

This world has a few rules. For example, everyone generally goes by their species names:

J.D., you are a Rufflet.

Mundy, you are a Sobble.

Monsieur Spy, you are a Zorua.

Jeremy, you are a Scraggy.

Doctor Ludwig, you are an Audino.

Pyro, a Salandit.

Tavish DeGroot, you’re a Stunky.

Mr. Conagher, you’re a Rotom.

And finally, Mikhail, you are a Bunnelby.

It’s in your best interests to remember these names and refer to each other as them in public and around other Pokémon. Although some of you may have grievances about your forms… they are what your Aura most closely aligned with, and therefore altered you into.”

“What the friggen’ hell is an ‘aura’?” Scout huffed. “And, why the hell did it make me a stupid yellow lizard… thing.”

Spy growled up at the Scraggy peering over his shoulder. “Shut up, there’s more.”

“Keep reading then!” Scout snapped back.

Spy held his tongue and continued reading the letter to his conscious peers. “Once you all make it to Quest Town, stay at the local inn and get a good night’s rest. I will have an associate deliver you another letter as soon as possible. By then, your mission will have officially started. Feel free to refuse my job. However… You will not be returned home until the job is done. Don’t worry, though, you will also be paid in full for all your hard work.

Sincerely,

Your New Employer.”

Everyone remained quiet for a second, soaking in all the new information and dwelling on what this meant for all of them. The first person to think of anything to say was, of course, Scout.

“This is complete bullshit. We get abducted into a whole ‘nother freakin’ world– and have to work for some anonymous ‘Pokémon’ to go back home?”

“Let us not worry about that for now.” Heavy grumbled. “This employer… They know things about us somehow. Most of our names, that we would be suitable for their desires… et cetera.” He glanced down at the Drizzile in his arms. “But, if they brought us here–”

“Then they can send us home.” Spy nodded his head. “It’s the only lead we have. So, for now, let’s find out where the trail leads.” Spy removed the key from the box and hung it around his neck with the chain it was attached to. “I will be keeping this. Any objections?” Spy asked, unwilling to hear out any objections.

By then, Engineer was hovering over the metallic tile and watching as the glowing got brighter. “Call me crazy, y’all, but I think this is a teleporter!”

Medic approached Warp Tile and gave it a solid look before nodding his head. “The energy waves are extremely similar. This must be the way out, then.”

“Well… Gentlemen. You all know what to do.” Spy called.

Everyone piled onto the Warp Tile, and the strange device erupted into a brilliant display of light. Once the light disappeared, all nine of them had vanished from the dungeon.