Nothing to say

He woke up, but he was still exhausted. Stirring without even caring to know where he was. He was laying on something comfortable, and that was enough for him.

In just a few seconds, though, he realized he wasn’t going to sleep again, so he forced himself to finally open his eyes. He was on a familiar bed, back in the guild. More specifically, he was again in the medical area. It was hard to see anything in such darkness, it was probably the middle of the night. Charlie wasn’t there, but Simon was asleep on the bed to his right. He didn’t seem injured, but there were what seemed to be trails of a slightly different colored skin coming out of his eyes.

The sight broke something inside him. Now that he remembered everything, he realized how Simon was probably the one that suffered the most. They were best friends back then, and now they were a couple, but it still stung to see him not remember anything from so long ago.

It was a weird feeling. Everything finally made sense, they finally won and took Arceus down. But was all of this suffering needed? Did both of them really have to go through everything that took place for a plan neither of them knew about? They didn’t have a choice in the matter. Simon got dragged here against his will, and even though Mark built the portal, he only did it to get Simon back, not to be split in two and play a potentially infinite game with the sole purpose of killing a god.

He felt like he had been just a pawn in somebody else’s plot, and he hated that. This was his life now, and while he didn’t dislike it, he would have preferred to have a choice in the matter.

‘What now?’ That sentence repeated itself over and over in his head. The depression he’d always felt used to be a motivator, a reminder for what he was fighting for. But now that the battle was over, that sadness didn’t go away, so what was even the point?

He kept staring at the ceiling, he was too exhausted to cry, even if he did want to. He was trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel, something that would turn his thoughts around and would let him look forward to anything. But he couldn’t, the only reason he was even here still was sleeping on the bed beside him.

The word that he could use to describe himself right now, was simply ‘tired’. Both physically and mentally. He didn’t want to get out of bed, he didn’t want to start a new day. He just wanted to lay down and sleep until he forgot about everything. Ironic, considering he got his memories back not too long ago.

Out of nowhere, a spark appeared in front of him. He sat up, scared, but without enough energy to show it. The spark moved in a circle, leaving a trail that eventually formed a hole in space. A portal, but a small one at that. From it, a Pokémon he’d never seen before emerged, a green flying creature, somewhat similar to himself in size. It looked at Mark and winked, leaving a paper on his lap before smiling and waving at him. The portal closed, just like that. It never even got a word out.

Confused, Mark looked at the paper. It looked like a letter, but the symbols on it were different to anything he’d seen, more like sigils, actually. But the interesting part was a small… Coin? Medal? Something of the sort, attached to the bottom part of the letter.

The staring wasn’t answering his questions, so he folded the paper and saved it under his pillow. He’ll ask around in the morning, maybe.

“I saw that.”

The sudden voice made Mark jump, but he recognized it enough to calm down seconds after. Sure enough, a ghost came out of the bed’s shadow.

“Hi, Verm…” He whispered to not wake up his partner. “Didn’t expect you to be here so late.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He shifted uncomfortably. “What was that?”

“I’m as clueless as you, I’m afraid.”

Verm sighed, taking a few moments to think about what he wanted to say. “We need to talk.”

“About yesterday? Yeah, I guess so. I’m very confused about it myself, if I’m honest.”

“Yesterday? Mark, it’s been two weeks.” The Cubone became wide-eyed, not believing Verm’s words. Two weeks? No, it couldn’t have been that long, right? “All this time you’ve been unconscious. Charlie didn’t even know what to do with you aside from just letting you rest. And Simon? He hasn’t been home during all that time, he just stayed here with you. Rachel has been here almost every day too, but at least she went home to sleep.”

He hugged his knees. He didn’t know what to think anymore, but now he felt guilty. Everyone worried so much about him. “I… I didn’t know…”

Verm approached the bed on his left and sat on it. “Look, it’s just… I’m really sorry to have to ask this, but… You’re not dangerous, are you?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Okay, I believe you.” The ghost fidgeted on the spot. “I’m sorry to ask you that, but you did kill our god, you know?”

“Yeah… I did do that…” He slumped down. “I recovered my memories. It has been… confusing, to say the least. I finally got answers to everything and I don’t know how to feel about them.”

“What even happened to you? You literally died in front of us…”

“It’s… a very long story. One that I’d rather explain once everyone is together.” He took a deep breath. “I’m very sorry, Verm. I caused so much suffering to everyone in this world, and I… It wasn’t even my choice, but I still did it, and now two of your most powerful beings are dead. Not to mention the insanity I’ve caused with the whole iterations thing.”

“But you didn’t do it on purpose, did you? You said it yourself, you didn’t have a choice. If there’s something I’ve learned during this whole time you were with us is that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and there’s nothing that can change that.”

“I just don’t know how to keep going after all that happened… I’m so tired of everything…”

“How to keep going? You have your answer at the other side of you.” Verm pointed at Simon. “I know him well enough to know that he’s not going to leave you, and if you ever try to give up, he’s going to drag you forwards by force if necessary. I wasn’t lying when I said I was proud of him. This world has only given him pain, and yet here he is, fighting to keep the ones he loves at his side, and that includes you.” He put a paw on Mark’s shoulder. “You deserve to be happy too, even if you don’t think so. And I know for a fact Simon is going to help you do just that.”

Mark looked down. He knew Verm was right, but it was difficult to feel the same when all he remembered were all the failures in his life. The train of thought paused for a second, as he heard stirring from the other side.

“Heh. Speak of the devil. Alright, I’m leaving, you two need some time alone anyways. Oh, and Mark? Remember what I said. You deserve happiness, okay?” Without letting the other respond, Verm phased down into the shadow again.

He didn’t have time to think about what the ghost said, as the next moment, he heard Simon groan. Simon sat up on his bed, rubbing his eyes wearily. Funnily enough, he hadn’t noticed he was awake.

“Good morning.” Mark said, making the Squirtle stop in his tracks. He turned his head just enough to see the Cubone with his back leaning on his pillow. And after a few seconds to confirm that what he was seeing was real, he jumped out of the bed to hug Mark.

“Mark! T-thank god you’re okay… I… I was so scared…” Simon was crying, understandably so. All Mark could do was return the hug and offer him support. No words were coming out of his mouth, but fortunately, they didn’t seem to be needed.

They stood like that for what felt like hours, enough for sunlight to peek through the few windows that were in the room. It hurt, it hurt seeing his partner so broken. Even if those tears were of happiness, there shouldn’t have been a reason for them to exist in the first place.

But he pushed those thoughts aside, remembering what Verm had told him. He deserved to have a moment of respite. So he did just that, enjoying the closeness to Simon. It was soothing, in a way. Eventually his throat cooperated with him, letting him talk. He only had one thing to say, though.

“I love you, Simon…”