Hesitation

He was awake. He did get some rest, at least, but now he was staring at the ceiling when it was way too early to go do anything. So there he stood, thinking about his own feelings and what they meant. He wasn’t really sure if he liked Simon like that, he couldn’t describe the feeling, but he didn’t know if it was genuine attraction or if he just cared about him as a friend. Sharing his life with him didn’t really sound like that bad of an option, either.

Mark was pouting, it was already hard enough to decipher all of the events prior to this, he didn’t need the extra confusion added to his mind.

What would Simon even think? Neither of them were Pokémon, it felt wrong to be together when they were both stuck in bodies that weren’t theirs. And not to mention that he probably didn’t want to be with another guy like that.

‘I don’t need this right now…’

He got up and went out of the house to get some fresh air. He sat next to the door, watching the sunrise. To say he felt lost right now was an understatement, he had no idea on what to think about any of his problems. He felt powerless. At least the sunrise view was pretty.

It didn’t take too long for the source of Mark’s newfound stress to appear. Simon went beside him and sat next to him. “Woke up early?”

“Yeah, I have a lot in my mind.”

“Anything you want to share?”

“Not yet. What about you, sleep well?”

“You have no idea. I missed my bed so much.” He laughed. “Still not used to not having her here, but… I think I’ll be fine eventually.”

They stayed quiet for a moment, enjoying watching the sky turn bright blue. Between this moment and yesterday, he was thankful for having some moments of peace.

“So, anything in particular you wanna do today?” Simon asked. He was really trying to not let Mark have those overthinking moments.

“Not really, no.”

“How about we get something to eat and we’ll see what we do?” Simon got up and went back inside. “Get in here, I don’t wanna see you all sad and stuff.”

Mark followed suit, but not before staring at him for a moment. The weird feeling in his stomach was there again. At that point, it wasn’t worth it to keep denying it, he had fallen for Simon, and he really didn’t know how to feel about that fact.

After eating, they didn’t have any plans. Mark was honestly fine with just taking a day for himself. Sadly, a knock on the door broke that thought.

Simon went to open up, and neither of the two expected the one on the other side.

“Rachel? What are you doing here?” At the mention of that name, Mark started paying attention.

“Hey guys, I um… Look, I’ll be direct. We’re just waiting for Gren to figure things out and I would really prefer to not be alone right now.” She wasn’t looking at them, either she was just embarrassed or something was going on with her. “If you don’t mind me staying with you two and hanging around?”

“Yeah, no, of course we don’t mind. In fact… I wanted to talk to you anyways, so please, come in.”

As soon as the door closed, she looked back at Simon. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah, look, I… I just wanted to say sorry. I know I didn’t trust you at first, but after all of this, I need you to know I’m on your side, okay?”

“Heh, you have done this on every cycle to get here, you know? And I still don’t get why.” She says. “I don’t hold it against you. If anything, I’m the one that should apologize. I’ve lived through this countless times already, and the tiredness of it all makes me just don’t care about anyone else. I can never understand that you remember nothing, and it makes me mad, so I act mad.”

“I also wanted to apologize for lashing out.” Mark cut in. “I know that you expected it, and I know that I had my reasons, but still.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Now that I think about it, you’ve been acting differently since that day.”

“You don’t say? Of course I have, this is all new to me. Well, not exactly ‘new’, but it’s been so few times that I really don’t know what to do. We’ve always failed to get past this.” She sits on the couch, weakly hugging herself. “Nothing has been the same in this Phase, so I’m terrified. I want this to be over, but how can I prepare for anything if everything is different?”

“Is that why you wanted to be with us?”

She nodded. “I’m trying to distract myself and not think about it too much, and you two are the only ones I really know here.”

“Oh, hell no!” Both Mark and Rachel jumped at Simon’s sudden shout. That was whiplash at its finest. “I’m not allowing Mark to be sad, and that goes for you too. So while we’re on break, we’re going to have a good time, dammit.”

Rachel smiled, leaning further back into the couch. “Sure thing, little guy. Let me know when you figure out what you want to do.”

Simon smirked back. “Now, that’s the Rachel I know.”

And that’s how the three of them spent the next hour: brainstorming things to do for the day. Sadly, that’s all they did, brainstorm. They didn’t get to find anything interesting, so instead, they opted to go back to Ione Lake since Rachel didn’t get to see it yet. Not even in other cycles, according to her.

The way was a bit long, and with Simon leading the way, Rachel got next to Mark and started talking quietly enough for the Squirtle to not notice.

“Hey, so um… I don’t feel comfortable hiding this, so I’m just gonna tell you that I know what you’re thinking.”

“About what?”

“About…” She didn’t finish the sentence, instead motioning to the one in front of them. “I know how you feel.”

“…oh.” He started blushing, not that Rachel would know due to his helmet, but it sure was happening. “Did I… Did I ever tell him?”

“I’m not aware of that happening, no. Which honestly is one of the things that has hurt me the most… Aside from seeing you get killed, of course.”

“And… should I?”

“Yes. Without a doubt.” She looked him in the eyes. “You know Simon at this point. You know he’s a good guy. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he won’t push you away.”

He sighed. “It’s a lot easier said than done. I’m so scared of this being something that might make things awkward between us.”

“It won’t, but I get it. Take your time, but know that the further you delay it, the more it’s going to hurt you.”

He didn’t say anything back. She was right, but it being true didn’t make confessing any easier.

‘I… I’ll tell him tomorrow… I hope.’

He really didn’t want to think about it, it only made him angrier at himself for being such a coward. But that anger wasn’t enough fuel to actually act.

“Mark?”

“H-huh?”

“Dude, you were daydreaming again. We’re here.” Simon laughed, showing the entrance to the lake.

Mark shook his head. He would have time to do it, so he would try to forget about it for now.

“Woah…” Rachel was in the same awe that he was when he first got here. “Man, how have you never showed me this place in other cycles?”

“You tell me! Were you too much of a dick, perhaps?”

“Pff, shut up. I wanna get in there.” And with a jump, that’s what she did with the other two following suit. Luckily, the water was warmer than last time.

They swam around for a while, but ultimately they ended up floating in the water, staring at the sky. Well, except for Simon. Mark guessed that him being a water-type it was in his instincts to keep moving in the water.

“So, I don’t think I ever asked. But how does it feel to be a human? I imagine from context clues that you’re not supposed to look like normal Pokémon, but do you guys remember anything about how life was for you?”

“I don’t really remember, honestly… I think I used to have a job, and probably a family. But I legitimately can’t recall anything about them. Honestly, I hope I’m wrong, I’d prefer to have no one in that world so they don’t worry about me.”

Simon resurfaced. “Actually, same here. I imagine I had a family, considering I was only 14 when I got here… But what they look like, I have no idea.” He slumped a bit against the lakeside. “I want to think I had a close friend, but it’s been so long I can’t remember.”

“Makes sense. Sorry if the question brought the mood down.”

“It’s okay. You were curious, it’s fine.”

…

“I’m going to miss this, you know?” Rachel said.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just… I really hope we succeed this time. I don’t want to go back to the routine of making my way to the guild, only to sometimes get there, and if I do, everything goes wrong.” She sighed. “I’m going to miss having these casual conversations without having to worry that I’m screwing up the cycle with what I say.”

“I can’t promise anything, Rachel. But know that we’ll do everything we can so there are no more cycles after this one.” Mark responded.

It was true, that’s what he wanted, and that’s what he was going to do. He could only hope this determination wasn’t for nothing.