Human Business

Night Vision lounged in the soft grass of the courtyard a few bounds away from Wyn’s hut. Both Ren and Kaia sprawled out on the lawn, basking in the warmth of the afternoon sun. Von sat on his haunches as he watched the herd of sheeplike Pokemon gradually graze from one end of Halfhenge to the other. “It’s still early in the afternoon. What do we do for the rest of the day?”

“Whatever we want,” answered Ren, whose eyes remained closed. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I should be doing something.”

“I don’t get it,” said Kaia, sprawled out on her back and peering at Von upside-down. “Do what?”

“I’m not going to get home by doing nothing.”

Ren snorted. “I knew a human once, he got home by learning how to relax. Soaked up so much sunlight that it lit his way back to Earth.”

Von looked down at his claws as he combed them through soft grass. “I just don’t like waiting.”

Kaia rolled over onto her belly to look at him proper. “Well then, what do humans do when they’re done with human business?”

What did human leisure time even look like? It had been so long since Von felt he could let himself relax, even before being transposed to the Land of Smoke. Further, he had no idea where to start explaining to a sentient dog the enormity of the concept of the internet. “I used to make videos. A form of art, but one I can’t do here.”

“Fascinating,” Ren yawned. “More moving pictures. What else?”

Von poured over his routine from before he lost everything. When classes let out, he would get a bagel at the school’s cafe, and spend hours on his laptop chipping away at coursework. “Write papers. Edit footage. Study.”

Kaia cocked her head. “That doesn’t sound fun or relaxing.”

“Right?” Ren grinned. “It always sounded like you humans march on like a colony of Durant.”

“Well, what do Pokemon do for fun?”

Ren hopped to his feet. “We talk, we playfight, we explore! We spend time with our mates-,”

“-and our friends,” Kaia inserted.

“We play pranks. We do whatever we want!”

 Not a bad deal, honestly. There were times Von would look at his roommate’s cat that slept through every afternoon and feel a pang of jealousy.

“So what would you like to do, Von?” Kaia looked at him with a preemptive wag of her tail. “Don’t overthink it!”

“I’m okay with just talking.” Small talk- innocent enough, and certainly less effort than whatever Ren would consider a prank. “So, how long have you two been mates?”

“Over three seasons now!” Kaia wagged.

“A few moons after we formed Night Vision. Weather enough battles together, and a bond is bound to form,” Ren said as he leaned his side against hers.

“Longer than any of my relationships. Maybe Pokemon really do have it all figured out.”

“Hm.” A hint of hesitation in Ren’s growls. “Does that mean you don’t have a mate back on Earth?”

“I- I don’t, no,” Von hissed. “Not anymore.”

“So you’re in such a hurry because of family, then.”

“My family kicked me out of the house, actually.”

“So you could learn how to fly?” asked Kaia, and as she watched befuddlement cross Von’s features, she went on. “Like how a Fletchling is pushed from the nest?”

“Humans don’t have wings, no,” Von sighed.

“Decidueye does,” Ren laughed.

“It’s more like I was the runt of the litter, in a sense. Too different, in a way they didn’t like.”

“That’s not a good enough reason for them to send you off on their own,” Kaia frowned.

“No, it wasn’t.” Von sunk his claws into the dirt beneath the grass. “… Are there gay Pokemon?”

Ren and Kaia shared a look. “Of course,” the Zorua said with a tilt of his head. “Why?”

How do I explain homophobia to a dog? “It was enough of a reason for them to kick me out. Me, being gay.”

A long stretch of silence hung between the three of them. Von watched as the chimney of Wyn’s hut belched a puff of yellow-tinged smoke skyward. The cloud dissipated before it could drift far.

Kaia broke the quiet with a whimper. “I don’t get it.”

Ren rubbed his cheek to hers. “Not everyone has as strong a family bond as you, dear.” The fox kept an eye on Von while he consoled his mate. “Nor are families only broken up by tragedy.”

“I know,” Kaia sniffled, her ears splayed back. “It’s all… human business! I’ll never understand it.”

“Me either,” Von smirked.

Ren licked one of Kaia’s ears before he glanced back at Von. “So you’re gay?”

“Always have been, always will be.”

The black fox twitched an ear. “And you were… what were you on Earth? A boy, right?”

“A boy who liked boys, yes.”

“So does that mean-”

A thick plume erupted from the nearby chimney, accompanied by the roar of flame from within. A sputtering Wyn fled through the door, pursued by yellow smoke. Once she put some distance between herself and the scene of her crime, she collapsed to her knees and sucked in fresh air.

“Uh. You need any help?” Von called out to her.

Wyn quickly waved away his offer with a paw. “J-just an unexpected reaction! Nothing’s on fire!” She straightened herself up and wiped her paws on her shawl, watching smoke waft out through her curtained front door. “Think I’m just gonna let that air out, yeh! This is normal,” she reassured anyone listening in while she set about pinning her door open to let her living space vent.

Night Vision all shared the same skeptical look. “We worked hard to bring her those samples. She’d better not have destroyed them already,” Kaia growled.

“They’re hers to destroy as she pleases.” Ren gave Von a gentle nudge. “May the night devour your parents, friend. Be as gay as you want while you’re here.”

That’s an intense curse. “Thanks, but I don’t think Pokemon are my type. Like, at all.”

Kaia cocked her head. “I didn’t know you were so picky.”

“I’m not picky! Maybe if I ever meet a bipedal Pokemon wearing flannel and has a driver’s license, I’ll change my tune,” Von laughed to himself, only for his smile to subside as he noticed Wyn heading their way.

“And what’re our heroes of the day laughing at? Not my misfortune, I hope.”

Kaia spun around to face her. “Braixen! What were you making? You smell almost as bad as Salandit. Also, what’s flannel?”

“Alright, I’m starting to remember why we kicked you two out. One, what happens between my cauldron and I is our business. Two, flannel is a type of fabric. I bet between Wooloo and Leavanny, we could get something close enough to it made. Why?”

“Hear that, Von? Your love life just got a whole lot brighter!” snickered Ren.

Von sniffed the air. A slight skunky smell clung to Wyn’s fur, doubtlessly planted there by the fumes still leaking from her chimney. “I’m being teased, is all. I think you have bigger problems.”

Wyn grimaced at the thought. “I’m going to have to burn the rest of my incense tonight, I think. Anyway, Night Vision. How was your first battle as a trio?”

“Fun!” Kaia wagged.

“Funny,” Ren growled.

“Freaky,” Von hissed. “There were these bugs made of metal, which would be fine if I was allowed to go all-out with fire. But then there was that Tangela, that… amalgam, talking about folding limbs or something?”

“As far as we can tell, amalgams are just speaking gibberish. But yeh, Rockruff mentioned you ran up against a real blighter of a Bisharp.” Her smile softened. “It’s scary, your first real fight. So you took a few blows, and look at you now! No worse for wear, yeh?”

Von leaned back on his hind legs and ran his claws along his tail as he looked over himself. “Pokemon are pretty tough, but what if they cut even deeper than they did? Like if they punctured a kidney or something.”

“We won’t let them,” Kaia huffed. “And don’t be so grim! It’s rare for a battle to draw blood. Pokemon battle for many reasons, not all of them violent.”

“Sometimes you just need to settle a dispute without using words, or find your role in the pack,” added Ren.

“Both battles I’ve been in were life-threatening, but sure. Whatever you say.” Von released his tail and looked up at Wyn. “Any more tips? When do I learn flamethrower?”

Wyn rubbed her cheek. “Look, we’re not sets of data, we’re not numbers. You build up your own skill, you stoke your own furnace. I can help you practice, but at the end of the day, it’s all up to you.”

Not what I was hoping to hear. “… Level 30, right?”

“I think my Salazzle learned it at 50-something? But it’s been a while since I’ve played, you know, considering I haven’t charged my DS in three years. But that was just a game! What you see now is how this world works. No stats. No turn-based combat. You can’t even rely on the type chart. A bolt of thunder can still rattle a Flygon. We’re still flesh and blood, mate. Well- most of us.”

“You sure about the type chart? Pawniard wasn’t phased by my poison.”

“They’re talking human again,” Kaia whimpered.

Her mate nosed at her cheek. “Let’s escape before they start doing maths.” Ren stuck his tongue out at Von before both he and Kaia scampered off to play in the grass.

Wyn rubbed at her temple with a paw. “That’s not to say that the type chart is useless. Water can still douse a fire, obviously. But Jun can still punch a bird, even at a distance. It’s weird, you know? We’re strange critters who throw magic at each other. The possibilities are endless. That said, I faintly recall the Salandit line being more corrosive than other poisonous species.”

“I get it, I’m weak.”

“It’s not that you’re weak. It’s that you might just be oblivious ,” Wyn winked at him. “Now I may be misremembering, but the Salandit line’s hidden ability makes them immune from charms and taunts. But Pokemon can do more than the two lines of text that fit in a dex entry anyway. Surely you’ve noticed that by now?”

 

---

 

“I could’ve had super poison. I could’ve melted steel beams! Instead I get the power to not notice I’m getting flirted with when I’m already bad at picking up signals.”

Kaia and Ren rejoined their found friend once Braixen had returned to her work, and Von convinced them to return to the solar, hungry for more knowledge. Now the lizard paced all along the surface of the wall, ducking beneath connective red strings while voicing his stress.

The dog craned her head back to follow his path above them. “Just because you didn’t tarnish a Pawniard in your first ever battle doesn’t mean your poison isn’t potent.”

Von followed a thread from the board he hovered over and scuttled to the next. The journal entry managed to hold his attention long enough that he paused in his pacing, and carefully found a place on the wall where he could cling that wouldn’t disturb the intricate web around him. “But it could be better . Would’ve been nice to be known as someone who can melt stuff, not someone who’s unobservant.”

Ren tilted his head from one side to the other as he watched Von cross the room from above. “I thought all you wanted was to go home.”

“That too! But if I’m stuck here for however long, I don’t want my sole defining trait to be ‘stinky.’”

“It’s just one of many traits!” Ren yipped. “You’re also inquisitive, and a quick learner.”

“And anxious, and impatient, and-” Kaia’s ears flickered toward the door at the subtle footsteps of pawpads on stone. Ren hopped down from the table he was sitting on before they arrived. “Oh! Welcome back!”

True Path stepped into the solar, and Jun strode past Ren without so much as a glance. Zeraora gave the fox a feline smile, and waved to the lizard on the wall. “Thanks! We had fun. Bright Vision, right?”

“Night Vision,” corrected Kaia.

Ren grinned up at the cat thrice his height. “We’re heroes!”

This earned a grunt from the Lucario as he took a seat at the table. He unslung his bag from his shoulder and withdrew his journal and opened to the page bookmarked with a pressed elm leaf. “Heroes with only two stripes on their badge, hm?”

Kaia placed a paw atop the Mobius strip pinned to the bag she wore. “We would’ve made gold by now if we stayed with the guild.”

“My point is that anyone can call themself a hero.” Jun withdrew an inkwell and quill, and set to writing.

Zeraora knelt down in front of the pair. “We’ve had a long day, and my partner still has to write a report on the new Dungeon.

Von carefully extracted himself from the weave of red string, his attention thoroughly drawn away from an essay on cross-species Pokemon illnesses. He paused as he reached the ceiling again as the angle let him spy on Jun’s handwriting. He penned footprint runes with ease. The blue dog must’ve sensed him snooping, as he looked up at the lizard that clung to brick and mortar. “Yes?” he asked, unamused.

“Ah- uh, how was the Dungeon? An unearthed human building, right? What was it?”

“Come down here, and I’ll show you.”

In the time it took for Von to scale down the wall and climb his way up the table, Jun had flipped through his journal again to pages of clumsy sketches. “A building of marble, white beneath the dust and debris. Stretches of red carpet, desks and tables.” Jun gestured with his quill to a specific drawing of a thick rope strung between two poles. “The weirdest part are these ropes. No structural purpose, easily knocked over. There were so many of them, all lined up for some purpose.”

“It looks like a stanchion,” Von offered. “Guides for people to line up in a queue? Like when you’re waiting to get into a theater, or board an airplane.”

Jun flipped to the next page, and Von instantly recognized the sketch that overshadowed all others, depicting a round portal hewn from heavy material, with a distinctly shaped door resting open on its hinges. “Oh! A vault door! This must’ve been a bank.”

“Perhaps when Fei has enough free time, we can send him to confirm your theory.” Jun unceremoniously flipped back to his bookmarked page, and returned to scripting in the runic alphabet.

“Well, I haven’t been given an ongoing project just yet, so maybe we can go take a look for ourselves?”

“Slowking would not let you stray so far from Halfhenge, Salandit. Not yet, not until you’ve grown strong enough to meet his expectations,” Jun growled as he kept his eyes on the page.

“Oh. Is this place dangerous?”

“No, not that we’ve seen. Very cold, very empty. Outside of an amalgam in the Dungeon, the only risk is getting lost in the Onix tunnels that lead to it.”

“So then why-”

“Because you are human, Salandit, and because Slowking thinks humans are special. A sentiment I hope you don’t share.”

Von didn’t reply, and instead sat there as he watched the feather of Jun’s quill swish and sway along to the sound of slight scratches on parchment. He only looked up when he heard a yip from Kaia, and beheld the sight of three Pokemon playing. Zeraora’s paw fizzed with static, and as he brushed it over Kaia’s pelt, her fur stood on end. This had Ren giggling at her chagrin.

“Nah. I’ve always been just some dude. But you, Fei and Wyn too- the Pokemon here all seem to look up to you. Don’t they?”

“I have been a Pokemon for nearly twenty seasons. Much longer than I have been a human. Pair that with my memory, and-” Jun set aside his quill, and carefully tore the page from the bindings of his journal. “-I am just a Pokemon.”

“So you’ve just given up on going home?”

Jun’s journal page tore off at the corner, severing one and a half runes on the vestigial scrap still stuck to the binding. He looked at Von, who had frozen beneath the stare of the intense red irises of his eyes. “I have never given up. This is my home, and I have fought with everything I’ve had to keep it all intact. I will play along with you humans, until all of you come to the same conclusion.” He deftly corked his inkwell set about shoving his journal into his bag. He stood abruptly. “See you at dinner, Salandit.”

Von remained on the table, fighting back both the sickness and anger that rose in his gut. He watched silently as Zeraora stood and tried to wipe the grit his static had pulled from Kaia’s pelt off of his paw, before hurrying after the Lucario that had stormed past him. Only after True Path had left the solar, did Ren and Kaia notice the lividity written all over Von’s face.

Ren was first to speak up. “Whoah. What were you talking about?”

“Human business,” Von hissed through his clenched jaw.