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    Poke.

    Poke.

    Who keeps poking her?

    “H-Hey! Are you alright?”

    A voice? Where-?

    She lets out a weary groan. Her whole body feels exhausted and weirdly heavy. Her brows furrow in discomfort as she grabs at her head. Her eyes open, but her field of view feels strangely narrow. It wasn’t helped by the fact that everything was incredibly blurry when she opened her eyes, blinded by a bright swirl of a mass of colors.

    “Uuugghh… What?” She manages to croak out, slowly sitting herself up, shaking her head to clear the drowsiness from her eyes. Her vision didn’t seem much better, but it’ll do. Her head is still swimming and everything hurts, but she’ll manage. Probably. Maybe.

    She looks up at the source of the voice, and presumably the source of those pokes she’d felt. A Riolu stood over her, his worried expression quickly giving way to relief as he doubles over, paws resting on his knees as he sighs. “Oh thank gosh, you’re okay. You weren’t moving at all!”

    Her eyebrows furrow a little bit, trying to think back. “I was just… Laying here?” She asks, her mind still muddied and foggy. Too foggy. Why was she having so much trouble remembering how she wound up here?

    “You were completely unconscious when I found you, I’m so glad you’re okay.” He looks up at her, extending a paw out to her, strands of his bangs sweeping over one side of his face as he smiles meekly. “I’m Rickety. Happy to meet you.”

    Exchanging an equally sheepish smile, she reaches her hand out to him in-

    Wait a minute.

    That’s not a hand.

    That’s like some kind of, little stub. She doesn’t even have any fingers! What’s going on here? She hears waves. Beach, she’s at a beach, she can look at herself in the water. She leans over the tidal waves rushing up against the shore, staring at her reflection, seeing not herself, but a Skitty. She, of course, reacts to this accordingly.

    “WHAT?!” She stumbles back, her hindlegs quickly skittering back away from her reflection. “No! No no no no no this isn’t right! I-I’m supposed to be a human! I’m not… I-I’m not- Uuurrgghh! Why can’t I remember anything?!” Every time she tries to think back, her head pounds with a resounding ache reverberating throughout her body. Any attempts to think back are futile, as if there’s simply nothing in her memory before she woke up.

    Her gaze returns to Rickety, who she hadn’t realized had been staring at her the entire time she was freaking out. His expression was… Confused, uncertain, as if he had absolutely no idea what he just saw. “Are, uhh… Are trying to pull some kinda weird prank on me or…?”

    She quickly and fervently shakes her head back and forth, denying that she’d even dare think about joking at a time like this. “N-No! I’m serious! I’m supposed to be a human! Really!” She cover her eyes with her little stubby limbs, shaking her head back and forth. It’s- It’s fine, it’s just her imagination. She’s just dreaming. As soon as she pulls her hands away from her face, she’ll wake up from her bed, be back in her normal body, and everything will be okay.

    Everything is not okay. She’s still at the beach as she removes her nubs from her eyes, feelings of fear and disappointment mixing with each other as she stares down at the ground, ears drooping down against her head.

    Rickety slowly walks closer to her, kneeling down in the sand to be closer to level with her. It really sinks in just how… Small she is in comparison, now that she’s in this body. “Well… Do you remember your name, at least? Can you tell me your name?”

    “My name?” She stares at him for a moment, taking a moment to process what he’d just asked. She’d been so caught up in the moment she was hardly thinking straight. “Oh, right! My name! I’m… I’m Lexxi. My name is Lexxi.”

    “Lexxi, huh?” Rickety’s smile returns, offering his paw once again. This time, Lexxi accepts, getting her back on all four of her legs. Yeah, all four, that’s… That’s gonna take a bit of getting used to. “Well, at least you seem nice. I’m sorry for doubting you.”

    Lexxi muffles out a nervous, shaky little laugh. “It’s okay, I probably looked completely bonkers just now, I can’t really say I blame you.”

    “Eheheh…” Rickety rubs at the back of his head with one of his paws. “Things have been getting a little scary around here, so everyone’s a little bit on edge. Pokemon have been acting more aggressive, more mean Pokemon are appearing, some Pokemon have been vanishing entirely- Ghhah!”

    Out of nowhere, Rickety is forcefully knocked forward, stumbling into Lexxi who is also knocked back as Rickety crashes into her. He seems to have dropped something that he’d been clutching in his other paw, something that hung from a chain, but Lexxi couldn’t get a good look at it.

    The culprits were right there, though, plain as day. A Zubat and a Koffing, both with smug, sneering grins on their faces. “Hope you’ll pardon us.” The koffing bellows, his deep voice making little plumes of smoke escape from each of his orfaces.

    Rickety quickly gets back to his feet, glaring angrily at the duo. “H-Hey! The heck was that for?!”

    “What do ya think, you blue gumball? We wanted to mess with ya a bit!” The Zubat sneers, his voice physically grating for Lexxi to listen to, having to pin her ears back against her head whenever he spoke, muzzle scrunching up in disgust. “It’s not like you’ve got the guts to do anything about it, do ya?”

    Rickety grumbles, his paws balling up into fists as he scowls at the two, but doesn’t seem to move from his spot for one reason or another. The Zubat, meanwhile, glances at the little trinket that had been knocked from Rickety’s hand. “That yours? Hope you don’t mind if we go ahead and just…”

    This causes Rickety to start stepping forward. “Don’t you dare even-!” But before he could finish, the Zubat flaps down to the trinket and grabs it by the chain with his mouth, a sneering chuckle escaping him.

    “Oh, c’mon! Don’tcha want it back? Riiiiight here! Just for the taking!”

    “You know, for a fighting type, you don’t really seem to do a whole lot of, well, fighting! Too scared to fight, hmm? Too much of a coward to stand up for yourself?”

    Lexxi didn’t know what she could do in this situation. Her mind was still reeling from everything else that she could do little more than watch everything play out in front of her. If she were still a human, maybe she could do something, but as a Pokemon? What could she do?

    “Come on, bro. Let’s get out of here, heheh.” The Zubat says to his friend, the two seemingly having had their fill today, walking past Lexxi and Rickety, heading into the Beach Cave behind them.

    Rickety stands there as he watches them vanishing from sight, his paws balling up into harder fists as he grows under his breath. “Freaking- Stupid little- Rrrggghhh!” He kicks at the sand in frustration, little particles landing in the water and rippling faintly across the surface.

    Once he’s gotten all of his anger out, he slumps down on the beach, pulling his knees up close to her chest, burying his face in his legs. “Mmnnhhh… What am I gonna do?” Without any anger, his voice drops, wavering as his body trembles a bit. “I-I can’t just let them take my treasure, I-I need that! But I just…”

    Lexxi, understandably, had a lot going through her mind at that very moment. The weight of everything she’d just watched along with the realization that she was no longer human, she was genuinely floored.

    But…

    Really, if she’s stuck in this body, she needs to make the most of it, regardless of what’s going on. Especially not when her new friend just had something important taken from him by a group of petty bullies. She walks up beside Rickety, smiling softly at him. “Let’s go after them.”

    “Huh?” Ricket’s head perks up, his eyes glancing at Lexxi beside him. “Y-You serious? But we can’t-“

    “Sure we can!” She gives him a reassuring smile, nodding firmly at him. “I mean, sure, I might not be in my right body, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna sit around and let a couple of jerks pick on you. Come on! I bet we can still catch them if we start chasing after them.”

    Rickety stammers, eyes widening in surprise as he shuffles on the sand a bit. “W-Well! I, uh, I mean, um… Can you even fight, though?”

    Lexxi pauses for a bit, staring at him. That… Was a good point. She didn’t really know what they were gonna do once they caught up to them. Meh, that wasn’t gonna stop her. Her smile returns, ears perking up. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out! Let’s get going!” She gestures for Rickety to follow her and starts making her way to the cave.

    Only to trip over herself and land face first in the sand. “Oomf-” She lays there for a moment, just taking in the embarrassment, the humiliation, the silliness of the situation, then picks her head right back up, glancing back at Rickety with a nervous smile. “I’m sure I’ll get the hang of walking on four legs too, heheh…”

    Blinking a few times, Rickety just, lets this stew in his mind for a moment. She’d only known him for just a few minutes, but she’a already willing to help him and stand up for him? That’s… That’s great! Gosh. His smile finally returns, muffling a quiet laugh to himself as he stands back up. “You know what? You’re right! Let’s show ’em who’s boss!”

    And so, the two of them venture off, the salty air of the Beach Cave permeating their nostrils, heading into the unknown.

    2 Comments

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    1. Mar 22, '24 at 11:19 pm

      Fun Fact:
      I imagine Koffing having a british accent. Make do what you will with that information. 😆

    2. Feb 19, '24 at 4:46 pm

      Heya acti_nerdington!

      I couldn’t have wished for a better story to have been uploaded the same day as mine. I’m reading through the chapters and seeing the content warnings and they’re getting me excited.

      Plus, a lot of PMD fan fiction out there largely takes place in original settings with original characters, and are typically unrelated to the canon of the games. Which is amazing, seeing all this originality and creativity, but it also means there’s not a lot of fan fiction of my favourite game, you know? Hell, even I wanted to do a remake of PMD2 as a fan fiction before I decided on Below, so it’s super nice that there’s a novelization of pmd2 done by someone else! :). And it’s a fresh change of pace seeing something familiar.

      I only read up to chapter 2. I wanted to get a review out now to get the technical feedback out of the way. That being said, I really enjoyed the twist on Grovyle’s beginning in chapter 1, as well as what seems to be this story’s equilivant of Mew being more involved from earlier on in the story. And just overall the sci-fi flair the first chapter has is really enjoyable, but I might be biased.

      I read up to chapter 2, wanted to review now to get a lot of technical feedback out of the way. That being said, overall, t’s a pretty fresh change of pace see and it was actually a pretty fresh change of pace seeing something so familiar. Not just familiar, but slightly changed too. Iron Grovyle is just cooler, period, and I like seeing what I’m pretty sure is “Mew” have more involvement from the begining.

      That being said, chapter 2 felt pretty much the same opening. Of course, this was bound to happen doing a retelling of PMD2, so I can’t say this is really a fault of the story. It was bound to happen. That being said, I’m sure something could have been done to make the chapter feel a bit new and different, although I’m not sure what. I’m also pretty surprised at the Skitty choice, those are pretty rare! Skitty’s not my favourite by far but a part of me also really appreciates highlighting a more underrepresented starter choice. And hell yeah, my Riolus. In my mind, the partner being a Riolu is canon :).

      Okay, but moving onto the technical stuff. The prose isn’t bad but I also think it has the most room for improvement. Overall, the writing uses a lot of words that add very little value/meaning the story, or not at all. Stuff like words that already describe something that’s implied – like “pants heavily”, panting is already heavy by default. Other kinds of words to look out for are words that weaken the impact of a description or idae. “Covers up most of the noise of the door”, this is better written as “Covers up the noise of the door”. Specifying “most of” doesn’t actually add that much nuance or meaning to the scene, and besides, “covers up the noise of the door” is a more interesting anyways; more active, etc. These small things can make the writing more engaging and add up. Or “she manages to croak out” – writing “she croaks out” is more active confident.

      “Fairly dark” would be another example of a weak qualifier you’ve used. Although in this case, you can replace the phrase with “dim”, isntead of just cutting out “fairly”. In fact, if you have an adjective + noun or an adverb + verb, you should consider if there’s a new word that describes both. Especially for adverbs+verbs

      You also got to be careful about redundancy. “Low hum of the generator is faintly audible” – you describe the generator’s noise as quiet twice. Of course, removing the redunancy can be tricky and there’s multiple ways of doing this.

      And overall, get into a habit of checking a word and asking if it needs to be there. It’s something that gets easy with more experience and practice. That being said, your prose isn’t bad at all, it’s really enjoyable to read and very clear overall. I’m just going into this much detail to try and help you as much as I can!! In the future if you are removing a lot of words and finding the prose to be fast pace and abrupt, then you can add more description – new things to write – that add tone and such. That means you end up effectively saying more with the same amount of words by knocking out words that don’t add a lot of impact!

      That being said, I have more to say, forgive me x). There’s a couple of run-on sentences throughout the story. You can technically have a run-on sentence with just one comma (If they’re like, actually straight up two sentences joined by a comma and not separate clauses), but as a rule of thumb, I try to break a sentence in two if I’m using more than two commas. Hopefully you find this helpful 🙂

      This is a very subtle one but if you’re using a conjecture like and, or, but, etc., you don’t need a comma. IE “looks up at the source of the voice, and presumably the source” can be rewritten as “looks up at the source of the voice and presumably the source.” It’s very subtle but removing the comma makes the writing have better flow.

      Chapter 2 has an example of head hopping. Most of the chapter, the narrator is describing the perspective of Lexxi, but the last few sentences are all the sudden from the perspective of Rickety. It can be very disorienting and confusing for the reader when this occurs. Having a page break and then having Rickety think his thoughts as they run into the Mystery Dungeon would be a more natural way to transition to his perspective, for example.

      Still, I really enjoyed the story. I’m worried about being biased but oh well, I’ll be excited for a sci-fi take on PMD2 with possible horror elements involved anyways ;). I also greatly appreciate the short chapters. So many other fics will write chapters tens of thousands of words long, and nobody understands how much of a convenience and help shorter chapters are! @_@. It’s a life saver ;_;.

      I can’t wait to read more, and I definitely want to review again especially since two chapters isn’t enough to give feedback on bigger picture things like characters, plot, setting, etc., but I still feel optimistic about the story. Also I hope this review wasn’t too long – I was trying to hit the 1,000 word limit for the review event going on a bit, but I really did want to leave a lot to try and help you as much as I can. So I really, really hope you find this helpful! I have a lot of faith in you!!

      p.s. you have a typo in chapter 1 you may want to edit: “lightly slowly flicker to life”