Chapter 27 – Day 12, Part 1: Drowning
by snapdragonChapter 27 – Day 12, Part 1: Drowning
There was something so infuriating about the way that being in water made me feel.
Like right now, as I was floating as free as a fish in the depths of the sea, the way that the water cradled me was euphoric. It flowed gently against my fur and sheltered my very being. That’s how it was supposed to be for a water type like me, but I couldn’t even enjoy it internally. I recalled how I reacted after taking a dive in the castle’s pool for the first time over a week ago. Like right now, it was nice to just relax and let myself float. But my stupid brain could never adjust! I’m a human!
It was frustrating how I just couldn’t let go even if I was “in my element,” with the heavenly beams of light shining down onto the ocean floor like a sign from a god above. I was sure that Allium, Swift, and, hell, even Ipo knew how to let themselves be engrossed and “become one with the ocean.” That’s what it meant to be a water type, right? The water was my friend and Kyogre or whoever was my guardian deity?
But, no! It was wrong! It was all wrong!
And yet, for some reason, a voice at the back of my head was telling me that there was nothing wrong with letting my human side go for a while. After all, what was I supposed to do if I wanted to remain “loyal” in this situation? Being a human on its own probably never made me feel this good either.
Which was odd to think about because all of my senses were warped beyond belief. My vision was distorted with the colors of the coral blending together while the very air around me moved on its own. All sounds were warbly and confusing. I couldn’t comprehend any of it. And there weren’t even any smells to comment on, probably due to the fact that my nose was filled with water. There was nothing natural about it to me, but it was and I knew that.
I could try to just relax, but how could I relax when my brain was shouting at me that everything was wrong? I don’t know. Maybe it was my brain that was the one that’s wrong. My body didn’t seem to mind.
Whatever. Maybe someday my body and mind will be in tune again. But that day isn’t today.
Nonetheless, I had to occupy my brain to keep my mind off of my dilemma. Swimming in a way that could reasonably be considered to be natural to me—so in other words, paddling like an idiot—I wandered for a while. Occasionally, I swung my scalchop around and did a few flips, envisioning myself as a floaty swordsmon. It was pretty fun for a bit, admittedly. However, there was nothing substantial in my surroundings, nor were there any pokemon around despite me being in open waters. The ocean went on for miles, but as far as I was concerned, it was…empty.
Again, my brain was screaming at me that something was wrong, but my body wouldn’t follow suit. I was legitimately distressed; I wanted to panic.
But…wait…what’s that? A speck in the distance? And it was…moving?
With nothing better to do, and rapidly growing ambivalent of my own loneliness, I swam towards it. The closer I got, the more pronounced it became. A long, thin body came into view, writhing and squirming as it floated, suspended in the water. Soon enough, I was able to make out it’s dark blue back, short snout, and tan underbel-
WAIT, NO!
It was Fenn! I immediately knew it was him! What was he doing here? And…no, no, he was struggling!
I thrashed my arms in the water as I paddled faster. I had to hurry! Fenn could drown down here! “FENN!” I screamed. But nothing came out. I was underwater, after all.
The bubbles escaping his mouth in panic only got worse when I got near him. His eyes were wide as he struggled, but they seemed to get wider when he caught sight of me. He tried to…swim away.
Fenn’s scared…of me? Why? I-I just want to help him!
When I’d reach out to touch him—to help him, he’d only swat me away. But I needed to help him! Fenn was drowning! The color was draining from his face!
So, I did the only thing I could think of and lunged forward before pulling Fenn into a hug. He tried to fight back at first, but he was too weak to do anything but puff out smoke.
Don’t worry, Fenn! I’ll get you-
And then I looked up.
There was no surface to the water. The beams of light came from a deep, dreadful darkness.
There was no way out.
No! No, no, no, no! Please, no! Fenn!
But there was no way to talk to him. No way to help him. He couldn’t hear me…and pretty soon…those air bubbles stopped escaping his mouth. Fenn stopped struggling.
FENN! NO, GOD, PLEASE, NO!
I shook his body to try and wake him up. Hell, I leaned in and tried to give him air by kissing him. Nothing worked.
Fenn went limp. I could only watch in horror as the life left his eyes.
FEEEEEENN! DON’T LEAVE ME! I’M SO SORRY! PLEASE-
(…)
My eyes shot open. A faint feeling of distress stuck with me for several seconds, and I tried my best not to panic.
I looked around frantically. Instead of floating in water, I was laying down after a night’s sleep in Team Lavender’s room. My heart beat quickly as I tried to calm down after whatever that was.
It was…just a dream. Yeah…a dream. But my dreams were never that…vivid.
What the hell was that?
Blinking away the grogginess, I made a motion to move, only to realize that something was weighing me down. Something soft and fuzzy. I stopped trying to move when the badger on top of me stirred.
Looking down, I saw Fenn, once again lying on top of me with his head resting on my chest and his body cuddled close to my side.
I grit my teeth as I eased back into my previous position on the bed. The fur on the back of my neck stood on end as Fenn fidgeted in his sleep a bit more, but thankfully, he didn’t wake up. His breathing returned to normal; I had somehow evaded disturbing him.
I quietly sighed and let my head collapse into my pillow. How did this even happen? I wondered. I thought Fenn was still upset with me. Maybe he still is but he ended up sleeping on top of me because…I’m soft? I mean, there’s a pillow right there.
At least he’s not drowning. Thank god none of that was real.
I didn’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, this was the second time this had happened. Should I be concerned? I don’t really mind it, it’s just…kind of odd. But it’s not like I’m complaining…
Because on the other hand, I quickly forgot about the dream I just had. Waking up with Fenn on top of me was enough to pull me out of my stupor, which was a good thing. Having to think about…whatever that was would’ve put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
And now I was just laying here, cuddling with a warm badger and wondering about what’ll happen when he wakes up. Or I guess I could just…go back to sleep.
…
…
…
…
…Nevermind. I don’t want to experience that again anyways.
I had too much on my mind. Between the nonsense at Colbur Village, the revelations I had last night about Anemone, and Finch—yesterday left me in a really sour spot. I felt like I was being torn between like five different paths here. I wanted to focus on Fenn, but then Finch showed up. Now I felt obligated to try again, even if I never got anywhere in the first.
So…what do I do?
…The ceiling got pretty boring after a while. Instead, I looked down at the Quilava snoozing on top of me and watched him for a bit. His body rose and fell with his gentle breathing, and every so often, one of his ears would spontaneously flick.
I screwed up, didn’t I? I have a really bad feeling that Fenn will wake up and won’t look me in the eyes because he doesn’t trust me anymore. God- shit! So stupid!
Fenn shifted in his sleep, a small squeaking sound escaping his lips. In his stirring, he buried himself further into the fur on my chest. He was dreaming…I think.
What is he dreaming about I wonder…
“…”
Since one of my arms was currently being smothered, I raised my other arm and delicately brought it to the top of Fenn’s head. His ears, flicking more from the sudden touch, folded back as I started rubbing them. Slowly, I massaged the sensitive skin, trying to be as gentle as possible.
Fenn reacted, albeit while still sleeping. The vents atop his head radiated a lingering heat, warming my fingers and the surrounding fur. He seemed to relax more, and uttered a few contented noises in his slumber.
Can a Quilava purr? It sounded like he was purring.
I know I said I would stop doing this but…I don’t know. I really hope Fenn doesn’t hate me now. I really, really do. I don’t want to be left alone…not now…
Despite the surge of negative thoughts in my head, I couldn’t help but smile. All of my worries melted away into the warmth of the bed’s covers, allowing me for one small smidgen of relaxation. I just wished that Fenn would return the smile when this was all over. That’s it. That’s all I wanted.
“Ahem.”
My stomach dropped. What was…that? Slowly, I turned my head to the right, and caught sight of something truly horrifying.
Sitting on the edge of the bed with crossed arms was Finch. He was staring directly at me when our eyes met. “Good morning,” he grinned knowingly, keeping his voice down. “Sleep good?”
I must’ve been hit by a tomato with how red I got. Between the position Fenn and I were in and the fact that I was rubbing his ears just a second ago—I could only imagine how this looked to the Krokorok. And the worst part was that I didn’t want to respond. Talking might’ve woken Fenn up. Unsure of what else I could’ve done, I shot Finch a disgruntled glare instead.
And Finch just kept on smiling. “I can see why you didn’t want to share the bed with me. Wouldn’t want to ruin this kind of connection, now would I?” I only got more aggravated after he started wiggling his eyebrows.
This guy, I swear. “Would you-” I started more loudly than intended. Fenn’s stirring caused me to shut up mid sentence. Shit, wait!
“Do you want some more time alone?” Finch asked mischievously. He rested his chin on the palm of his hand, eyeing Fenn and I with a smug grin. “I don’t mind waiting another half hour. Just nod if you want me to leave.”
You’re not giving me any good options here! My attempt at killing Finch with my eyes didn’t work but I kept doing it anyway. I knew that we had to get up eventually! It’s just that…ugh, why was this croc like this?
“Finch, could you-” I started, speaking too loud again. This time, the Quilava stirred more than before to the point that his eyes started to flutter open. Crap, Fenn, no-
“Oh?” Finch said with an eyebrow raised. “Nevermind then.”
Fenn moaned, “Mmm…what…?” The first thing he saw when he woke up was the blue of my fur, then the green of my eyes.
In return, I tentatively looked into his.
He raised his head, his eyes wide.
I stared some more.
Neither of us said anything.
…
Now Fenn was the one with red cheeks.
With a nervous smile, I muttered, “…Morning, Fenn.”
Fenn blinked. I could only imagine how embarrassed he was, what with his blush getting brighter by the second. It took him a few tries before the proper words came out. “U-u-uh m-morning, Oswald.” He looked away. “I-I-“
“Good morning, you two,” Finch said in his scratchy, deep voice. “I bet you slept well.”
I didn’t think Fenn could get more red. But he did, and a few sparks popped out of his head in tandem. Which was a bit concerning when he buried his face in my chest, covering his ears with his paws. For a second, I thought my fur was going to catch on fire.
“Finch,” I sighed, “can you give us a minute?”
“Of course. I’ll wait until you’re ready before we get moving.” With a snap of his fingers, the ground type pushed himself off of the edge of the bed and strolled on over to the other side of the room, back to his bed of straw.
“…”
Well, that went worse than expected. Oh well. Time to get up I guess.
I nudged the Quilava slightly. “Fenn,” I whispered. “It’s time to get up, Fenn.”
“Mmph!” he pouted, his noises muffled by my fur.
Do I have to be more forceful? Really?
I nudged him again, this time with a bit more force behind it. “Fenn, I can’t move; you’re too heavy.”
“Am nof faaf!”
“What?”
“Ei saaf…am nof faaf!”
“Fenn, I can’t understand what you’re saying.”
After he let out a muffled groan, Fenn rolled off of me and landed on the other side of the bed. His face was still flushed. “I’m not fat, okay?”
I chuckled a bit at that. “I didn’t say you were,” I smiled. “I just can’t get up when you’re on top of me.”
Still laying on his side with his ears lazily hanging onto the bed sheets, Fenn bit his lip. “I-I didn’t mean for that to happen…again…I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
I guess he’s not mad. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.
I ignored the fact that my entire left arm was numb and cupped my paws on my stomach. “It’s not like I mind it,” I said softly. “I would’ve gone back to sleep if it hadn’t been for Finch.”
“Yeah…”
I shook my left arm out, trying to make it less numb. “Ready to get up?”
With the red gradually fading from his face, Fenn returned the smile and nodded. “S-sure.”
Ah. There it is.
“Great. Hup!” I pushed my body upward until I was sitting, then I turned my body until my legs were hanging off the edge of the bed. Stretching my limbs upward, I peered at the Krokorok at the other side of the room. He was leaning against the far wall, shuffling a deck of cards. As soon as I sat up, his eyes shot up to meet mine.
“Alright,” Finch sighed, putting the deck of cards into the small pouch attached to his waist. “What’s the plan for today?”
I let my arms fall to my side as I briefly looked over at the Quilava crawling to the bed’s edge on my left. Fenn stopped and let his paws hang down. “We…ahh…usually figure that out at the job board,” he yawned.
I nodded at what Fenn just said and then looked back at Finch. “That’s how it works most of the time. We caaaaan-” I yawned, “-figure that out when we get to it.”
Finch shrugged. “If you say so,” he grumbled. “I’ll just…follow-” he stopped to yawn, “-ah dammit- follow along for now.”
I grinned, still a bit groggy. “We should probably start moving before we…we…” I yawned again. “Ahh…get in a cycle.”
Fenn chuckled next to me.
“Yeah, let’s…gah!” He grit his teeth trying to keep himself from yawning again. “I’m gonna leave before you goobers affect me any more.” Likely frustrated, Finch opened the door and left the room, leaving Fenn and me alone.
I laughed, turning to Fenn. “Guess he couldn’t handle it, huh? You’d think that wouldn’t be the thing that bothers him.”
“Hehe, yeah,” Fenn giggled, stretching like a cat. “H-he can’t handle our intense yawning sessions.” The fire type leapt off the bed and landed elegantly, peering back up at me.
“Oh don’t start it up again, please!” I begged, hopping down less gracefully, nearly tripping. My tail slapped the floor, causing a shot of pain up my spine. I forgot that it was even there, if I was being honest.
Still not really used to this, am I? Being a Dewott and everything?
I wanna say that I’ve gotten better and that I’m really a pokemon now, but every so often, I hit something with my tail unintentionally or I rub my head the wrong way. It’s so…disorienting sometimes. No matter what I do, something always feels unnatural.
I guess I really am still a human at heart. But that begs the question, will I ever improve? If I’m even here for another month or even a year, will I get used to it? This is…something I doubt anybody here could help me with. And something I don’t really want to think about right now.
…Except…no, wait, evolution exists. Pokemon go through this all the time. Fenn did, even. I should ask him-
It was with that last thought where I reached for our explorers bag…
“Cosmo is awake! Huzzah!”
…And fell back on my tail when Cosmo bolted out of the open flap. I was too distracted to react fast enough.
Gonna be one of those days I guess.
There was an air of tension in the castle today. Hushed voices and nervous looks from every other pokemon we passed down the halls. Granted, it tended to be like this most of the time, hence why I opted to ignore it. But it quickly became obvious that ignoring it wasn’t an option.
“Did you hear the news?” one hushed voice would ask.
“About Tapu Koko?” another would say.
“What were they after?”
“Treasure? Clout?”
“I hear they pulled some dirty tricks.”
“One of them was a Magmar I think.”
“This is so awful.”
“Is Anemone going to do anything?”
It seemed as if everybody was sharing rumors today. And the more I listened, the more worried I became.
A few pokemon mentioned something being stolen. Are they talking about that gem that Anemone brought up?
Shit, my paws are getting clammy. Was this supposed to happen? Why do I feel like Anemone wouldn’t have wanted this?
“Oswald?”
I blinked. We were…at the job board now. When did that happen? Turning to my left, Fenn was staring at me concernedly. “…Huh?” I muttered.
“I-I asked if there’s any job up there that looks like something you would be okay doing,” Fenn said, pointing at the bulletin board littered with pieces of pinned paper.
Right in front of the board was Cosmo, bouncing about like the hyperactive little psychic jumping bean he was. He read out each posting like a song. “Find Cosmo’s lost wand, deep in the cavern! Come back to Cosmo when you find it, Cosmo will be in the tavern!”
Finch, who was leaned up against the wall nearby, was shuffling through job postings himself, singing along with Cosmo. “I’m lost, oh no! Please come quick! I hate it here, seriously! It really sucks-“
“FINCH!” Fenn shouted, the fire on his back flaring for a moment. “Please don’t!”
“What?” Finch grinned knowingly. “It could’ve been so many different words.”
I was still a bit out of the loop; Cosmo and Finch just started singing for some reason and now Fenn was yelling. That was at least enough evidence to know that Finch was being a nuisance again. I crossed my arms. “Finch, did you at least find something?” I asked.
“Nah,” he growled. “All of these look pretty petty to me. Deliver this, go find that, help this guy with whatever—you know, I was expecting a bit more from this place. All this stuff just looks like-“
“Cosmo has a big fluffy tail, and lots of money!” Cosmo gleefully interrupted. “Sneak past the bees and get Cosmo some honey!”
The Krokorok didn’t seem to be angry at being rudely talked over. In fact, he joined back in for a moment. “I’m old but spry, brimming with power. I challenge you to a battle under the meteor shower!”
Finch shook his head, smiling at Cosmo’s childishness before turning back to me. “…Anyways, I was going to say busy work. This feels like busy work.”
Fenn’s flames died down. “Th-they’re usually like that,” he mumbled. “But that’s what we’re here for—to help out.”
Yeah, what else was he expecting? I thought. I mean, my interest in adventuring has gone down considerably since we’ve started. I don’t really care what we end up doing at this point. As long as we don’t go into any mystery dungeons…
“Hey, how about this one?” Finch asked, holding up a job posting for us to see. “A challenge run through a dungeon called ‘Mago Canyon…'”
…Should’ve known this would happen.
“Finch,” I stopped him, “I’d…rather we not go into any dungeons. Especially not that one.”
Never again.
“Really?” Finch raised an eyebrow at me. “What’d they ever do to you?”
Fenn answered for me, “We’ve just had some bad e-experiences with them, that’s all. Th-that specific dungeon…” He trailed off, rubbing his arm.
There was a cold, dreadful tingling in me that sent shivers down my spine just then. Memories of a powerful pressure and a sharp pain in my chest coursed through my mind. The last thing I wanted was to be reminded of Mago Canyon today.
Finch scoffed. “Bad experiences? Come on, everybody has bad experiences with those places. But they’re always worth it. That’s what makes them so fun.”
“Fun” is an interesting way to describe those hell holes. “I’d rather just not,” I replied.
The ground type eyed me suspiciously, much to my chagrin. “Uh huh. Then what kind of mission do you want to do?”
I opened my mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by Cosmo’s singing again. “Turaco, Turaco, somewhere in the city! Turaco, Turaco, oh, what a pity! Selling gummi’s-“
Now it was Finch’s time to interrupt. He snapped his fingers then advanced closer towards Cosmo. “Hold that thought, Ozzy. Cosmo, let me see that one you just read out.”
“Oop- okay.” Cosmo listened and moved aside so Finch could pull the paper off the board while Fenn and I exchanged confused glances. I didn’t know where this was heading but I didn’t like it.
Finch read through the posting for several seconds, his eyes gradually growing wider and his grin getting bigger as he did so. Afterwards, he motioned for us to come closer—in which all three of us did. With me on his right side looking at the paper in his claws, Fenn on his left doing the same, and Cosmo looming over his snout—Finch began to read.
“Got a bounty mission here,” the ground type started. “Heliolisk named Turaco last seen in Micle city on the east side of the continent. Got caught selling gummi’s a couple times. 2.5k reward for his capture.” Finch shot me a big, toothy grin. “I say we go with this one.”
Right off the bat I had some problems with this. For one, I had been making sure to avoid bounty missions for quite a bit now for a variety of reasons. I could barely function in a fight against a feral, let alone against a civilized, dangerous criminal. Two, Fenn could fight back and win easily, but I don’t want him to fight criminals. He’d kill them and become a killer. And three, I just didn’t want Cosmo to be put in that position. He could get hurt!
All of that bothered me, but something else caught my attention. “What’s a gummi?” I wondered aloud.
The Krokorok’s grin grew a tick, and he let out a chuckle of amusement. “You never heard of ’em, Ozzy?” he teased. “How big’s the rock you’ve been living under?”
I frowned in annoyance, my whiskers twitching. Internally, I was dreading the fact that Finch didn’t know about what I had to deal with so I couldn’t shut him down. Of course I don’t know what a Gummi is; it’s never come up before!
Fenn graciously explained it to me right then. “Gummi’s make you…smarter, I-I think.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Smarter? Is that a crime?”
“They’re performance enhancers,” Finch said, scratching the bridge of his snout. “A situation that might’ve seemed impossible before becomes obvious after you eat one of the things. From what I know, they help you think more clearly and surpass your limits.”
Oh. “So, they’re drugs.” Okay, that makes sense.
“They sound like fun!” the bouncy Solosis cheered. “Can Cosmo have o-“
“NO!” both Fenn and I shouted at the same time.
Finch continued, clicking his claws on the job board. “Yeah, good luck finding one. They’re in high demand—even if Anemone already banned them. Gummi’s are pretty powerful in the right claws, but the withdrawal is gnarly. I wouldn’t recommend them unless you wanna get addicted.”
And this guy deals with this stuff? Well, that’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.
“I wasn’t planning on it,” I said, my tail thumping on the ground behind me. “Just like how I’m not exactly planning on taking this mission.”
The croc threw up his arms in fake exasperation. “Aw, why not, Ozzy?” he queried. “It’ll be easy, trust me. We can even ask that Aggron to drive us there.”
“Because it’s dangerous? Like-“
“Oswald, listen, I wouldn’t have even considered it if I thought any of us would get hurt. I can guarantee you that we can do this without any issues.”
YOU JUST- MAGO CANYON- YOU- GAH! I clenched my fists in anger. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!
“Finch, there are a million different ways this can go wrong,” I whined.
“When is that never true?” Finch retorted. After shaking his head, Finch snapped his fingers in Cosmo’s direction. “Cosmo, you wanna beat up this Turaco guy?”
The psychic type perked up. “Yes! Villains deserve to get beaten up! Wham! Boom!” A couple pieces of paper flew off the board after Cosmo flinged a couple weak shots of psychic energy in blind excitement. “Cosmo will take down this evildoer and bring him to justice!”
Finch nodded, grinning playfully. “That’s what I like to hear!” Another snap of his fingers and now Finch was pointing at Fenn. “Alright, Hot Stuff, what do you wanna do?”
A few sparks popped out of Fenn’s back at the sudden attention he was getting. His gaze fell to the floor, his arm slowly rising to rub the other one out of nervousness. Hesitantly, he responded. “I’ll just go with what Oswald wants…” It was hard to hear him even when he was right next to me.
“Pshh!” Finch scoffed. “Alright, fine.” He turned to me with arms crossed. “It looks like you’re calling the shots here, Ozzy. What’s it gonna be?” The croc sounded peeved.
They just had to put me on the spot, huh? Finch, Fenn, and Cosmo were staring at me now, waiting for me to decide. And now that I was being asked, I was…having second thoughts? Why? There was no way this mission could lead to anything positive. Hmm…I took a moment to think…
“W-wait!”
…Or not. Now all eyes were on Fenn after the sudden intrusion. “Huh? Fenn, what’s up?” I said.
“I…” He paused, biting his lip. “There’s- it’s just- I want-“
“Sound it out, Fenn,” Finch encouraged the Quilava. “Tell us what you wanna say.”
Fenn’s eyes fell on me, and this time, there was that longing again. “I…I’m interested.” Another pause. “…Can we do this one?” he asked earnestly.
…Oh. Well now I’m losing one-to-three. Great. Just great.
I let out a sigh I didn’t know I was holding in. “Fine,” I conceded. “Let’s take the carriage to whatever town, I guess.”
“There you go!” Finch grinned, satisfied. “Alright, boys, let’s-“
“On one condition,” I interrupted the Krokorok. “I get to decide how we go about this.” I shot Fenn a glance. If I was going to be keeping him from spiraling, I needed to do it myself. That was my priority.
Fenn looked back at me silently, only to divert away a second later. What made you change your mind, Fenn? I wondered. It doesn’t matter. I’ll make sure you don’t do this alone. I have to.
“Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy—come on,” the ground gator growled. “I picked this job because I can help you. It’ll be quick, it’ll be easy, and we’ll be back home by dinner.”
As nice as that sounds…
“I still want to do it my way. I have a plan.”
I don’t have a plan.
“You have a plan? We haven’t even left the castle yet.”
“I have a plan to make a plan once I know everything I need to know.”
Finch looked absolutely dumbfounded, but he didn’t argue about it anymore. “Whatever you say, Ozzy.” Mission in claw, the croc began to walk away. “Are we gonna go get breakfast now or what?”
“Food!” Cosmo cheered. “Cosmo wants to try a Magost berry!” He floated after Finch, leaving Fenn and I alone for a moment. We stood there, shoulder-to-shoulder, neither of us knowing what to say.
“…”
“…”
“…Hey, Fe-“
“A-are you mad at me?”
My whiskers twitched in confusion. “No…I was just going to ask why you wanted to do this mission all of a sudden. You just kind of changed your mind.”
“O-oh…” Fenn looked down as he rubbed his arm. “Sorry, I…I’ve been thinking about how to talk to my parents recently. A-and…I think doing this will prove to them that I’m independent now. Is it okay if I handle this?”
Oh, there it is. For a second there, I thought that I was only going to have to encounter one issue during this mission. Turns out, I have like three to deal with! Why did I decide to torture myself like this again?
I rubbed the back of my head and grimaced. “…I want us to work together on this,” I said. “With these kinds of jobs, we need to take it slow—think about our approach, you know?”
Fenn’s ears drooped, and the fire on his back ignited. “B-but-“
“Come on, you two!” Finch called out. “They’re gonna run out of the good stuff!”
I took the opportunity to drop the subject. “Let’s go. We can talk about this later.” I headed in Finch’s direction after rubbing Fenn’s shoulder in some half-hearted attempt to comfort him. He followed behind me, but I could tell that he wasn’t happy with what I said.
Being independent won’t change your dad’s mind, Fenn, I reasoned internally. That’ll just prove his point. We have to show him that you’re different.
The following breakfast run was a blur. One second I was eating a Nanab berry, remarking on the soft texture and the pastel color scheme, then I was leaving the cafeteria almost immediately after, watching as Cosmo successfully dumped our finished plates in the garbage. “Cosmo is helping!” he proclaimed. We all clapped for him.
The four of us descended the stairs on our way to the front entrance. Sunlight pierced through the windows, illuminating the dust coating the windowsills and the arm supports of the stairways. It had been awhile since it had been properly cleaned. Which reminded me of something…
“Hey, Fenn,” I started as I walked, “I don’t think you ever talked about it. What was it like being a janitor here?”
Fenn took the question remarkably seriously. As he skipped down the steps on all fours, he spoke with brevity. “It was pretty boring most days, a-and not really fulfilling, but it wasn’t hard. I actually enjoyed it sometimes.”
“Wait, you were a janitor, Fenn?” Finch chortled. “How long ago was this?”
“Um…a little under two weeks, I think,” Fenn replied.
“What?” The croc turned his head towards me as he walked. “How long ago did you three start your ‘team’ or whatever?”
I grinned sheepishly. “A little under two weeks?” I said. “Heh heh…”
“Cosmo has been in Team Lavender for five days!” Cosmo exclaimed. “He has been keeping track!”
At this point, we were rounding the corner, just about to walk down the last staircase to the front lobby. Meanwhile, Finch balked. “You’re kidding. And you’ve already talked to the queen a couple times? What do you have that Anemone wants?” He shook his head. “Actually, you know what? Nevermind. When are you going to see her next?”
I didn’t have an answer to that. Really, I was more surprised that so little time had passed since I first got here. It had only been a little under two weeks; I wasn’t really keeping track myself. It was strange to me. So much had happened.
“I don’t know, honestly,” I shrugged. “She calls me—not the other way around.”
Finch shrugged. “Figures.”
As we walked down the final staircase, weaving past passing pokemon, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu. I had done this before—descended these stairs, and left the castle more than enough times for it to feel natural to me now. This was my life as it was and will be for who knows how long.
It was a confusing set of emotions. I had to ask myself, “do I want this routine to become my new norm? Do I even have a choice?“
The answer was no, I didn’t. I knew that. But that was why I was doing all of this, right? I was searching for a solution to my problems on my own because I was tired of waiting. How I was even going to do that was…
…beyond…
…me…
…
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs. In between all of my thoughts, and the wandering of my gaze, I caught sight of a certain pokemon on the other side of the room.
This same pokemon saw me, and it froze just the same, eyes widened.
My paws tightened into fists, my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, and my tail went stiff. I realized at that moment that I had a way to answer my questions. And they were right there, staring at me…
…with their flat, ugly face.
It had been seven days.
I forgot.
“W-wait,” I breathed, holding out a paw. The pokemon took a step back.
My teammates tried to ask what was wrong. I couldn’t hear them.
“Ozzy? What’s going on?”
“Hm? What is Oswald looking at?
“O-Oswald?”
Standing on the other side of the room, free at last, was the Persian I had seen when I first arrived in Pamtre. They seemed just as shocked to see me as I was to see them. In fact, they seemed afraid of me.
They took a step back, looking left to right.
I took a step forward, my paws trembling.
“Wait,” I said with more force this time.
My stomach dropped as the Persian, instead of letting me approach, dashed away and out of the castle doors.
“WAIT!”
I ran as fast as my shitty little legs would let me. I ignored the pleas of my teammates as I dashed across the front lobby. Passing pokemon got in my way, blocking a direct path forward. I had to frantically bob and weave just to keep an eye on the four-legged cat.
Unfortunately for me, I still wasn’t used to this whole “being a pokemon” thing. I tripped on my own feet a few times.
I managed to get through the castle doors, somehow keeping up the pace. The Persian was still in sight—I could see them and potentially stop them.
My heart was pounding in my ears at this point. My breathing was almost too quick for my crappy little body to allow. I thought I was going to pass out and let the cat get away.
I had to stop them. But there was no way I could catch up to them at this point. I had to attack!
What moves do I have again? Water gun! Shit, okay. I’m a predator in the ocean. I’m chasing my prey. The only way to catch them is to use my techniques. I’m a…Marshstomp- no, that won’t- crap. I need to- no, that- argh! I have to-
“AAAAHHH!”
I tripped and fell face first into the dirt. My own body failed me.
I tried to stand back up, only to fall back down when my paw slid across the dirt. The water I managed to spit from my mouth spilled into the dirt and turned it into mud. My fur was all dirty, my legs hurt, the bag around my shoulder was covered in mud, and I was red in the face furious. But I tried to get up again. And when I did…
…
…I looked all around, but no matter what, I couldn’t see the Persian.
…They were gone. That Persian, my only guaranteed source of definitive answers, was out of sight. I let them get away. I failed.
I just stayed there for a moment, on my paws and knees, and shook in anger—in frustration. I shook, and shook, and shook, until-
…GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
I punched the ground with viscous hatred. The screams were threatening to escape my harshly clenched teeth. I needed it. I desperately needed to stand up and SCREAM at the world for putting me in this infuriating position. So, I stood. But my teeth grinded together so hard that I grew concerned that they might break.
YOU’VE GOTTA BE- COME THE FUCK OOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
I threw my shoulder bag to the ground, the fur on the back of my neck standing on end. I didn’t care enough to keep it all bottled in anymore. Even though I knew that there was a crowd of pokemon watching me have a temper tantrum and dirty myself, I didn’t care. The blood rushed to my cheeks as I punched and kicked at the ground just trying to get something out of it.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
I was numb. The fuzziness of my vision or the pain in my arms didn’t stop me from kicking up so much mud that I was practically covered in it in seconds. Voices started to break out in between my tantrums. All around me, people were talking, talking, talking. And they were talking about me. I tried to squeeze my eyes shut to block them out.
“Who’s this guy?” they had said. “What’s his deal?”
I’m tired, and I want answers. Is that too much to ask?
“Poor thing,” another had said. “Someone should help them.”
No! I don’t want your pity! I want to know what I’m even doing here!
“Hey, isn’t that Dewott the one that got the free room?”
“Yeah, I think it is. Didn’t have to climb the ranks like the rest of us, I don’t think.”
“Really nice to see that Anemone picks the mud divers over us.”
“Honestly, it’s kind of sad. Just look at him. What’s his deal anyways?”
Shut up! Just shut up! I didn’t choose this! I never wanted this! Just SHUT UP!
“Oswald! Oswal- w-what…?”
My heart nearly stopped; I recognized that voice. When my eyes shot open, I saw that Fenn was there, kneeling down next to me, staring at me as though I was the most hideous creature in the world. The unfortunate truth was that he wouldn’t have been wrong to think that. I was a mess—a complete and utter mess. What’s worse was that I was on my knees with my paws around my ears, covered in sticky, disgusting mud. If I didn’t look like a maniac before, then I did now.
Cosmo was right behind him. And the look on his face almost broke my heart as soon as I saw it. He was afraid, and probably very, very confused.
The only one of my teammates that wasn’t staring at my pitiful form was Finch, who instead did his best to draw attention away from me. “Go on,” he called out to the surrounding crowd, “nothing to see here. Go about your business—we have this under control.”
As distraught as I was, I was happy to see these three, and I was going to have to thank Finch later for doing what he did.
It was awful. Never in my life had I ever been so embarrassed, but I suppose that’s debatable. In my distressed state, I couldn’t stop myself from trembling. My paws, my lips…something wet was touching my cheeks and trailing down my face.
I was crying. Or more accurately, I was sobbing uncontrollably.
“F-F-Fenn…?” I quivered, trying my hardest not to break down. It didn’t work; my body wouldn’t listen. More than anything, I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep through the rest of the day. How could I possibly do anything after that?
Fenn opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. He wanted to know everything, I was sure. And he deserved to know. All of them did. But I wasn’t in the right mindset for it.
I was expecting this to be the final straw, and for him to demand an explanation. But confusingly, Fenn wasn’t mad. He flashed a small, reassuring smile, and offered a paw. “…Let’s go get you cleaned up, Oswald,” Fenn whispered.
I looked between Fenn’s paw and his eyes, though I ended up keeping my gaze locked to his. Looking into Fenn’s eyes immediately made me feel better. There was a genuine, calming reassurance to those red eyes that no one else had offered up to this point.
The crying, the shaking, and the self loathing didn’t stop when we met gazes, but I forgot it all existed for a moment long enough to take his paw into mine.
“O-o…kay…” I muttered.
I sat in the public shower for a good half-hour after that. Washing mud out of fur was difficult, but at least it gave me some time to cool down. I say “shower” but it was really more of a pool with a few flowing waterfalls. So…a bath. I guess I’m just used to different terminology.
Unlike the pool in the castle’s backyard, this one was lined with marble rather than stone, and there were more of a variety of pokemon around. Water types, grass types, flying types, ground types, and even some fire types.
Casual conversation bounced off the walls alongside the flowing of the water. Similarly, a Politoed played some strange music through a wind instrument of some kind for everyone to hear. Was it a clarinet? No, it looked to be more complicated than that. Regardless, it looked human in origin.
After I finished cleaning myself, I floated on top of the water and let the bizarre atmosphere take over me. It felt good to be in water again, even if fully enjoying it filled me with dread.
…
…What do I do now?
That was all I could think about. Sure, I had completely forgotten that the Persian was an option before and wasn’t depending on him, but losing that option was like having the rug pulled out from under me. I didn’t just forget, I failed to act in time. I could’ve used that Persian to skip all of this nonsense; just disregard Anemone’s waiting game and relying on someone like Finch entirely.
Or not. Hell, for all I know, that Persian didn’t know anything and was just scared of me for some reason. But that was the thing: I’d never know. So again, I had to ask myself…
…What do I do?
With a towel wrapped around my neck and shoulders, I left the bathing area and walked back to the front lobby. Along the way, I kept instinctually reaching for my bag or badge, only to remember that I left them with Fenn, Finch, and Cosmo. They needed to be washed as well but by someone that wasn’t having a mental breakdown. I was doing fine now, by the way—discounting the fact that I was essentially naked without my badge.
I resigned myself to just get through the rest of today and worry about my situation tomorrow or some other day. It wasn’t like I was making much progress otherwise or was even trying before. So what’s one more day? My only hope was that I could get through it without screwing up.
Passing by the open area of the courtyard and taking a stroll through the wide and open hallways of the first floor eventually led me back to the lobby as expected. It was busier than earlier, and there were quite a few pokemon that stared at me and whispered something about a “wailing, muddy Dewott.” I begrudgingly ignored them.
Rounding a corner, I nearly stepped into the lobby before stopping once I heard a familiar voice.
“So, what’s his deal, huh?” That was definitely Finch. The right thing to have done would’ve been to keep walking, but he—and presumably the one he was talking to—was obviously referring to me. I wanted to hear what they had to say, even if I wouldn’t like what I was hearing. I sidled up against the wall and waited for them to continue.
“…I don’t know.” That was Fenn’s voice. Like I said, I could recognize it from anywhere.
“You don’t know?” Finch replied. “The guy runs off and starts going wild while he’s rolling around in the mud and you of all pokemon don’t know why?”
There was a pause. “O-Oswald has a lot going on…and he doesn’t tell me everything…” Fenn muttered just audibly enough for me to hear.
…Guilty, admittedly.
“Does he have something wrong with him?”
Oh, I wish. It sucks being so lucid all the time.
“N-no, he…doesn’t like to talk about it.”
“Don’t you think you should, Fenn?” Finch asked. “Are you not going to bring that up to him?”
“If he wants to talk about it, he will.” There was no hesitation behind what Fenn just said.
I- will I? I hadn’t even considered talking to Fenn about it because…well, it doesn’t really concern him. Or any of them for that matter. Fenn has his problems and I have mine. Not to mention, I just…can’t. Anemone would skin me alive. Right? Am I being too paranoid?
“Fenn,” the croc started sternly, “I thought you two were pretty close. It surprises me that you two have only known each other for so little time, but you know the guy better than I do. When he shows back up, talk to him.”
Another pause. “…I told him that i-if anything is wrong, he should tell me,” Fenn said.
“Alright. And if he doesn’t?”
…
The next pause was considerably longer. So much so that I was starting to get anxious.
“…I trust him,” the Quilava eventually mumbled. “I trust that he’ll tell me if something is bothering him and that he’ll lead us to complete this mission too.” He said that last sentence more confidently than the first. Fenn believed what he was saying.
…Knowing that I was the person he was talking about and well aware of my own secrecy, Fenn’s words left a knot in my stomach.
Finch didn’t sound convinced. He sighed. “Maybe it’s just me being cynical, but that’s not how I would go about it.”
“Okay…but…th-that’s what I’m sticking with.”
“Pssh!” Finch scoffed. “If you say so. I already talked to that Aggron so we can leave whenever Ozzy gets back.”
Guess that’s my cue. I was about to step around the corner when Fenn asked something I hadn’t considered thinking about until now.
“Why do you call him that, Finch?” Fenn wondered.
I sidled back and waited for Finch’s response. Coincidentally, I wanted to know why too.
“Because Ozzy deserves to be called that.” I could hear the grin behind that statement. “Names hold a lot of power. They are ‘you’ is how my mom used to say it. Some pokemon can call you names, give you a title, and tell you to your face who you are, but none of that matters if you’re confident in that name of yours. If Oswald had any sort of faith in his own identity, then he wouldn’t care.”
Huh.
“W-wow. I didn’t…I didn’t think there was that much to it.”
Yeah, neither did I.
Finch chuckled a bit before saying, “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this sort of stuff.”
I think now is the time to cut this conversation short. I pushed myself off the wall when-
“Oswald! Haha!”
“WAHH!”
Thud!
Just as I was rounding the corner, Cosmo was right there in my face. The resulting surprise was what caused me to awkwardly fall back onto my tail. It hurt.
“Oswald! Why were you gone for so long?” questioned the Solosis.
“Urgh,” I groaned, “getting the mud out took longer than expected, sorry.”
“Ah, Ozzy!” Finch exclaimed, peaking around the corner. “Looking sharp!”
I tried my best to hide my disgruntled expression by rubbing the back of my head and looking away. He wasn’t about to get to me after saying what he said.
Fenn, similarly, peaked around the corner. Wordlessly, he scampered over to me and offered a paw, his other paw holding my badge and bag. I took his paw and stood. “Sorry for taking so long,” I quipped.
The fire type shook his head and handed me my things, a warm smile on his face. “I-it’s fine. We were just talking,” he said smoothly.
“Cosmo was training!”
“And now we should get moving,” Finch remarked, already walking off. “Don’t want to keep our driver waiting.”
Fenn, Cosmo, and I stayed back for a bit to reconvene. Finch could wait a bit longer.
“I hope I didn’t upset you guys with what happened earlier,” I said, attempting to tie the purple piece of cloth around my neck. “Just had a…bit of a breakdown, it’s no big- ah damn…” That handkerchief was giving me trouble.
Fenn leaned forward and wrapped his paws behind my neck. “Here, let me help.” A few seconds of silence and being close enough to feel the heat emanating from the vents on his forehead passed, and my badge was securely fastened to my neck.
Fenn pulled back and smiled once the deed was done. “There. That fit?”
I could detect the tightness of the handkerchief around my neck as I fiddled with it. It fit better than before, remarkably. Tight, but not too tight. I returned the smile with one of my own. “Yeah. Perfect.” I slung my bag over my shoulder. “Thanks, Fenn.”
“Y-yeah…” He trailed off, rubbing his shoulder. “Hey…are you…doing okay?”
“Cosmo wants to know too…” the psychic type muttered, a pensive glint in his eyes.
They were both staring at me concernedly. They wanted to know why I decided to run off and cause a panic.
I…should tell them, but…not now. Eventually.
I nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
Fenn opened his mouth to speak, only to once again be interrupted by Finch.
“Come on! Don’t make me wait any longer!”
I walked past Fenn and headed for the door. “Let’s go,” I said. “We can…talk about it more later.”
The Quilava followed, the words probably still lingering on his tongue. I could just barely hear him say, “You said that earlier…”
Cosmo floated after me as well, still looking a bit pensive.
Ignoring them both left a pit in my stomach.
Today really is going to be one of those days, huh? Am I ever going to get past any of this?
No…there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, I swear. It doesn’t matter what happens, I’m accomplishing something with this mission.
I have to.
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